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  1. Today
  2. Sonny


  3. Sonny


    GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED: 1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats. 2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair. 3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person. 4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato. 5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food. 6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair. 7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time. 8) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk. 9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts. 10) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandpa's lap. GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED: 1) Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree. 2) Wrinkles don't hurt. 3) Families are like fudge...mostly sweet, with a few nuts. 4) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground. 5) Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside. 6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.
  4. Yesterday
  5. Sonny

    Three Women

    Three women: one engaged, one married and one a mistress, are chatting about their relationships and decided they needed to spice up their love lives. All three agreed to wear black leather bras, stiletto heels and a mask over their eyes that evening with their respective lovers. After a few days they meet up for lunch and compared notes. The engaged woman: "The other night when my boyfriend came over he found me with a black leather bodice, tall stilettos and a mask. He saw me and said, 'You are the woman of my life. I love you.' Then we made love all night long." The mistress: "Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and I was wearing the leather bodice, heels, mask over my eyes and a raincoat. When I opened the raincoat he didn't say a word, but we had wild sex all night." The married woman: "I sent the kids to stay at my mother's house for the night when my husband came home I was wearing the leather bodice, black stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes. As soon as he came in the door and saw me he said, 'What's for dinner, Batman?'"
  6. Last week
  7. I saw another photo of this Algerian Herc on some other web site. It showed the forward fuselage laying on the copilot's side with the NLG extended. Does anyone know where I saw that photo? Thanks, Don R.
  8. Sonny

    Three Envelopes

    A new manager spends a week at his new office with the manager he is replacing. On the last day the departing manager tells him, "I have left three numbered envelopes in the desk drawer. Open an envelope if you encounter a crisis you can't solve." Three months down the track there is major drama, everything goes wrong - the usual stuff - and the manager feels very threatened by it all. He remembers the parting words of his predecessor and opens the first envelope. The message inside says "Blame your predecessor!" He does this and gets off the hook. About half a year later, the company is experiencing a dip in sales, combined with serious product problems. The manager quickly opens the second envelope. The message read, "Reorganize!" This he does, and the company quickly rebounds. Three months later, at his next crisis, he opens the third envelope. The message inside says "Prepare three envelopes"
  9. THESE ARE ACTUAL QUOTES TAKEN FROM AUSTRALIAN FEDERAL GOVERNMENT EMPLOYEE PERFORMANCE EVALUATIONS. 1. "Since my last report, this employee has reached rock-bottom and has started to dig." 2. "I would not allow this employee to breed." 3. "This employee is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definite won't be." 4. "Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap." 5. "When she opens her mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet." 6. "He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle." 7. "This young lady has delusions of adequacy." 8. "He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them." 9. "This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot." 10. "This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts, the better." 11. "Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together" 12. "A gross ignoramus...144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus." 13. "He doesn't have ulcers, but he's a carrier."! 14. "I would like to go hunting with him sometime." 15. "He's been working with glue too much." 16. "He would argue with a signpost." 17. "He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room." 18. "When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell." 19. "If you see two people talking and one looks bored, he's the other one." 20. "A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on." 21. "A prime candidate for natural de-selection." 22. "Donated his brain to science before he was through using it" 23. "Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train ain't coming." 24. "He's got two brains, one is lost and the other is out looking for it." 25. "If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week." 26. "If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change." 27. "If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean." 28. "It's hard to believe he beat off 1,000,000 other sperm." 29. "One neuron short of a synapse." 30 "Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled." 31. "Takes him 2 hours to watch '60 Minutes'." 32. "The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead."
  10. Sonny

    Funny Signs

    Funny Signs: In a Japanese hotel room: "Please to bathe inside the tub." In a Tokyo Hotel: "Is forbitten to steal hotel towels please. If you are not person to do such thing is please not to read notis." Outside a country shop: "We buy junk and sell antiques." In a loan company window: "Now you can borrow enough money to get completely out of debt." In the window of a Travel Agency: "Please Go Away!" In a funeral parlor: "Ask about our layaway plan." In an ad for a swimwear store: "Our bikinis are exciting. They are simply the tops!" Advertisement at a gas station, between San Francisco and Los Angeles on Interstate 5: "Kids with gas eat free!" In a clothing store: "Wonderful bargains for men with 16 and 17 necks." In a Tacoma, Washington men's clothing store: "15 men's wool suits, $10. They won't last an hour!" In a Pennsylvania cemetery: "Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own graves." At the dry cleaners: "We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand." On a shopping mall marquee: "Archery Tournament -- Ears pierced" In a repair shop: "We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in your home for $1." In a department store: "Stock up and save! Limit one per customer." In the window of an Oregon store: "Why go elsewhere and be cheated when you can come here?" On a Tennessee highway: "When this sign is under water, this road is impassable." On an Atlantic City hotel restaurant: "Have your next affair here." In a Maine restaurant: "Open 7 days a week and weekends." On the grounds of a public school: "No trespassing without permission." On a radiator repair garage: "Best place to take a leak." In the vestry of a New England church: "Will the last person to leave please see that the perpetual light is extinguished." On a roller coaster: "Watch your head." Advertisement for lawn sprinkler system: "Dew it yourself." In a Laundromat:: "Automatic Washing Machines: Please remove all your clothes when the light goes out." In front of a New Hampshire car wash: "If you can't read this, it's time to wash your car."
  11. When the Air Force dispatches aircraft to the Asia-Pacific to monitor the atmosphere for signs of nuclear activity from North Korea, it relies on its WC-135 Constant Phoenix nuke-sniffing planes. But with only two of those in the service’s inventory, it’s possible the WC-135s might not be able to respond to every contingency. Enter the ever-versatile C-130 Hercules, which now can be equipped with a modular kit that allows it to detect nuclear particles in the atmosphere. The Air Force spent $10.1 million in fiscal year 2016 for two “Harvester Particulate Airborne Collection System” kits that can be strapped onto C-130H/Js and collect microscopic nuclear solids in the event that the service can’t make its WC-135 aircraft available, said Susan Romano, a spokeswoman for the Air Force Technical Applications Center (AFTAC), which is responsible for conducting nuclear surveillance for the Defense Department. Air Force Chief of Staff Gen. Dave Goldfein has said that the current WC-135 planes are too old and too few in number to meet all of the Defense Department’s demands. “Our mission capable rates, and more importantly our aircraft availability rates to go do this mission, are much lower than not only the secretary of defense but the combatant commander’s requirements for that mission,” he told Congress in April. While the Harvester kits won’t give the C-130 the full capability of the Constant Phoenix, it gives the U.S. Air Force a needed boost in capacity at a time when its more focused than ever on the nuclear activities of Russia, North Korea, China and Iran. Defense News first learned about these specially-outfitted Hercules thanks to a series of tweets by Quinton McGuire, a former C-130 loadmaster who participated in 2015 tests of the Harvester system aboard a Super Hercules flying out of Hurlburt Field, Florida. McGuire’s photos show a C-130J with the rear paratrooper doors outfitted with a podded sensor hanging from the exterior of the door. During the demonstration, a WC-135 crew operated the sensor pod and conducted onboard analysis, McGuire said in a series of tweets. Also present during the flight were representatives from Sandia National Laboratory, one of the nation’s largest research labs for nuclear weaponry, which developed the Harvester pods. “The door was really cool. It allowed the Loadmaster or system operator to get a better view of the equipment (and also take kick ass pictures at high altitude),” McGuire tweeted. “And it’s more cost effective to develop more flexibility without dedicating 2 high value assets to that mission.” The Harvester kit was also tested on Customs and Border Protection MQ-9 Reaper drones before technical demonstrations wrapped up in 2015, Romano said. Since then, the Air Force decided to procure two kits, which are currently going through the acceptance process and will fully operational and mission-ready in fiscal year 2019. Each Harvester suite includes two sampling pods that collect radioactive particles and a gamma radiation sensor that helps guide the aircraft to a radioactive plume, according to a Sandia news release on a 2013 test aboard an MQ-9. It also includes radiation protection gear and other equipment needed to sample and analyze nuclear particles in air and on the ground, Romano said. During a mission, Air Mobility Command would provide C-130s and the pilots and crew needed to operate the aircraft itself, while the 21st would provide the personnel needed to use the Harvester equipment and do the nuclear forensics onboard. The C-130 would first use the gamma radiation sensor to find a hot spot of nuclear activity, and then flying through the plume, passing air rapidly through the sampling pod. That action rams microscopic nuclear particles into the filter paper in the pods much the way that a vaccum uses a filter to collect dirt. “A separate radiation sensor analyzes the filter in real time to estimate the type and quantity of radioactive particles collected,” said a Sandia news release that explained the Harvester capability. “More extensive examination of the filters occurs after the aircraft has landed.” So if nuclear particles can be detected by a C-130, why does the Air Force still need the WC-135? A “rapid, medium altitude, manned, refuel-capable aircraft” is currently required to do the nuclear treaty monitoring mission, said Romano, and the C-130 doesn’t fit the bill. For one, it can’t refuel other aircraft. But even more importantly, the modular Harvester kits only give the C-130 the ability to collect particles, while the WC-135 has a collection system for nuclear gases, as well as other equipment like internal filtration that allows the crews to conduct longer missions, Romano said. Additionally, the C-130 flies slow and low. While the C-130J may be able to hit a higher top speed than a WC-135, its 28,000-foot ceiling is significantly lower than the WC-135’s 40,000-foot maximum altitude, according to Air Force fact sheets. Meanwhile, the WC-135 outperforms the C-130H variant in both areas. Although the nuclear treaty monitoring mission isn’t often discussed by the Air Force due for classification reasons, it’s clear that the service is putting more money into ensuring that it can rapidly respond when an adversary tests nuclear weapons. In September 2019, L3 Technologies will begin transforming three KC-135R tankers into WC-135s. Those three new Constant Phoenix planes will allow the Air Force to retire its current two WC-135s — and increase the number of nuke sniffers by one aircraft. The Air Force is requesting $208 million in FY19 for the Constant Phoenix upgrade effort, with an additional $8 million planned in FY20. Source: https://www.defensenews.com/air/2018/06/12/us-to-boost-nuke-sniffing-with-modified-c-130s/
  12. nascarpop

    Flag Day

    That is because only 1% of the population serve. Too bad it isn't taught better in schools!
  13. Metalbasher

    Flag Day

    To bad everyone doesn't see it that way or understand what it means to veterans... https://www.theindychannel.com/news/state-news/indiana-va-hospital-temporarily-removes-military-flags-to-fly-lgbt-pride-flag
  14. Sonny

    Senior Citizen

    A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor's office. "Is it true," she wanted to know, "that the medication you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life?" "Yes, I'm afraid so," the doctor told her. There was a moment of silence before the senior lady replied, "I'm wondering, then, just how serious is my condition because this prescription is marked 'NO REFILLS'.."
  15. Sonny

    Senior Citizen

    A distraught senior citizen phoned her doctor's office. "Is it true," she wanted to know, "that the medication you prescribed has to be taken for the rest of my life?" "Yes, I'm afraid so," the doctor told her. There was a moment of silence before the senior lady replied, "I'm wondering, then, just how serious is my condition because this prescription is marked 'NO REFILLS'.."
  16. Sonny


    A flying saucer landed at a gas station on a lonely country road. The two space aliens inside seemed completely unconcerned about detection; in fact, the letters "UFO" were emblazoned in big, bold letters on one side of their shiny craft. As the station owner stood and gawked in silence, paralyzed with shock, his young blond attendant nonchalantly filled up the tank and waved to the two aliens as they took off. "Do you realize what just happened?" the station owner finally uttered. "Yeah," said the blond attendant. "So?" "Didn't you see the space aliens in that vehicle?!" "Yeah," repeated the blonde attendant. "So?" "Didn't you see the letters 'UFO' on the side of that vehicle?!" "Yeah," repeated the blonde attendant. "So?" "Don't you know what 'UFO' means?!" The blonde attendant rolled his eyes. "Good grief, boss! I've been working here for six years. Of course I know what 'UFO' means 'Unleaded Fuel Only.'"
  17. Earlier
  18. THIRTY LINES TO MAKE YOU SMILE 1. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't. 2. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it. 3. I Work Hard Because Millions On Welfare Depend on Me! 4. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them. 5. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke. 6. Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive. 7. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me 8. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. 9. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe. 10. I'm not a complete idiot -- Some parts are missing. 11. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes. 12. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning medicine. 13. God must love stupid people; He made so many. 14. The gene pool could use a little chlorine. 15. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps. 16. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again? 17. Being "over the hill" is much better than being under it! 18. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up. 19. Procrastinate Now! 20. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That? 21.. A hangover is the wrath of grapes. 22.. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance 23.. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere! 24.. Be thankful we are not getting all the government we are paying for. 25..He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead. 26..A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory. 27..Ham and eggs. A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig. 28.. The trouble with life is there's no background music. 29.. The original point and click interface was a Smith and Wesson. 30.. I smile because I don't know what the hell is going on.
  19. How To Translate Work Emails: I have a question. = I have 18 questions. I’ll look into it. = I’ve already forgotten about it. I tried my best. = I did the bare minimum. Happy to discuss further. = Don’t ask me about this again. No worries. = You really messed up this time. Take care. = This is the last you’ll ever hear from me. Cheers! = I have no respect for you or myself!
  20. Sonny

    Organic Vegetables

    My wife asked me to buy ORGANIC vegetables from the market. I went and looked around and couldn't find any. So I grabbed an old, tired looking employee and said, "These vegetables are for my wife. Have they been sprayed with any poisonous chemicals?" "The produce guy looked at me and said, "No. You'll have to do that yourself."
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    1. Shola



    2. Sonny



  22. Sonny

    The Plan

    The Plan In the beginning was the Plan. And then came the Assumptions. And the Assumptions were without form. And the Plan was without substance. And darkness was upon the face of the Workers. And they spoke among themselves, saying, "It is a crock of s%@#, and it stinks." And the Workers went unto their Supervisors and said, "It is a pail of dung, and we can't live with the smell. And the Supervisors went unto their Managers, saying, "It is the container of the excrements, and it is very strong, such that none may abide by it." And the Mangers went unto their Directors, saying, "It is a vessel of fertilizer, and none may abide its strength." And the Directors spoke among themselves, saying to one another, "It promotes growth, and it is very powerful." And the Vice Presidents went to the President, saying unto him, "This new plan will actively promote the growth and vigor of the company with very powerful effects." And the President looked upon the Plan and saw that it was good. And the Plan became Policy. And that is how s%@# happens.
  23. Algerian television channels say eight crew members have been injured after a military aircraft overshot the runway upon landing at Biskra Airport. Private news channels Ennahar and Dzair News are showing images of the plane, a C-130 Hercules military transport aircraft, cut in half near the airport, which is 450 kilometers (280 miles) south of Algiers, the capital. No other details have been disclosed about Sunday's accident. In April, an Algerian military transport plane crashed just after takeoff in Boufarik, south of Algiers, killing 257 people in the North African nation's worst-ever aviation disaster. http://www.tampabay.com/-injured-in-algeria-as-military-plane-overshoots-the-runway-ap_world520c55ce2a614cfeba0219b5b62bf899 Aviation Safety Network reports one fatality. http://aviation-safety.net/database/record.php?id=20180603-0
  24. casey


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