Wayback Machine

[snowyday]

Airships spatter oil worse than automobiles do. After they get to flying thickly it will be necessary for all persons to wear a tin roof to keep off the oil and falling monkey wrenches and beer bottles.

Hints and Dints, May 6, 1912.

* * *

Cranking automobiles seems to be about as dangerous as blowing into the empty gun.

May 1912

* * *

A western mule dealer, who is personally acquainted with thousands of mules, says the price of mules has doubled in the past few years. Mules are still giving the auto truck the hee-haw.

From New Castle News, New Castle, Pennsylvania, July 11, 1913

* * *

A woman was sent to jail for five days in Nashville, Tennessee for killing a barber. Killing a barber evidently isn’t a very serious offense down there.

From New Castle News, New Castle, Pennsylvania, June 26, 1913

* * *

A newspaper, in speaking of a deceased citizen banker said:

“We knew him as old Ten Per Cent--

The more he had the less he spent--

The more he got the less he lent--

He’s dead-- we don’t know where he went--

But if his soul to heaven is sent--

He’ll own the harp and charge ‘em rent.â€

From New Castle News, New Castle, Pennsylvania, July 9, 1913

* * *

What would happen to a man if he walked or ran down Washington street making the noise and smoke that an automobile makes? He would be surrounded by cops and pinched on the spot.

From New Castle News, New Castle, Pennsylvania, June 7, 1913

* * *

Edison says that in a hundred years there will be no poverty. Not for any of us, that’s right.

From New Castle News, New Castle, Pennsylvania, August 27, 1913.

* * *

The United States district court of New York has ruled that damages cannot be recovered when an aeroplane drops on a person.

From New Castle News, New Castle, Pennsylvania, June 28, 1913

* * *

“Tut,†“tut,†is President Wilson’s fiercest cuss word. He couldn’t drive a mule very far on mollycoddle language like that.

From New Castle News, New Castle, Pennsylvania, June 27, 1913

* * *

A bill has been introduced in the U. S. Senate that aims to provide a two-dollar-a-day job for every person who wants it.

From New Castle News, New Castle, Pennsylvania, June 27, 1913

* * *

The Prudent Farmer to His Love

Come, live with me and be my love,

And I’ll buy thee a new cook stove;

Then, summer, autumn, winter, spring,

You’ll hear your own tea kettle sing.

I’ll buy thee, too, a chair that rocks,

Where you may sit and darn my socks;

And as your needle fills each hole,

A deep content shall fill your soul.

That it is you who sit there rocking,

And no one else may darn my stockings.

A mattress made of shucks and hay,

Shall rest you at the close of day;

A clock with loud alarm shall warn,

Your sleepy head when night is gone.

I’ll buy thee, too, a muslin gown,

To wear some Sunday into town.

I’ll give you damaged corn to feed,

The chickens, and if you succeed

Well with the eggs and fowls and milk,

I’ll give you somewhat toward a silk.

If all these promised joys can move,

Come, live with me and be my love.

M. M. Lee

From New Castle News, New Castle, Pennsylvania, June 28, 1913