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A little boy went to his teacher to tell her he found a frog. The teacher asked if it was alive or dead. The little boy said that it was dead. The teacher asked how he knew. The boy said, "I pissed in its ear." The teacher said, "You what?" He said, "You know, I went to his ear and said, 'psst!' and it didn't move. So it must be dead."

Yesterday my daughter again asked why I didn't do something useful with my time in retirement. Talking about my "doing something useful" seemed to be her favorite topic of conversation in many of our conversations. She was "only thinking of me" and suggested I go down to the senior center and hang out with the guys. I did this and when I got home last night I decided to teach her a lesson about staying out of my business. I told her that I had joined a parachute club. She said, "Are you nuts? You’re 75 years old and you're going to start jumping out of airplanes?" I proudly showed her that I even got a membership card. She said to me, "Good grief, where are your glasses! This is a membership to a Prostitute Club, not a Parachute Club." "I'm in trouble again, and I don't know what to do... I signed up for five jumps a week," I told her. She fainted. Life as a senior citizen is not getting any easier, but sometimes it really can be fun..