snowyday

An Indian petitioned the judge of an Arizona court to give him a shorter name. “What is it now?†asked the judge. “Chief Screeching-Train-Whistle,†said the Indian. “And what do you want to shorten it to?†asked the judge. The Indian folded his arms majestically and grunted, “Toots.†from the Albuquerque Journal of Albuquerque, New Mexico 15 February 1952

Polygamy Must Stop Guthrie, O. T., June 18 – A delegation of Cheyenne Indians visited Governor Barnes regarding the enforcement of the law abolishing polygamy, which takes effect July 16. The governor informed them they would have to choose one among their many wives and abandon the others. The New Era, Humeston, Iowa June 23, 1897 * * *

According to a researcher Alexander the Great came up with a crude timepiece for his many soldiers, consisting of a chemically treated cloth worn on the left forearm. Under the heat of the sun, the cloth changed colors every hour, providing the Macedonian warriors with the world’s first wrist watch. The device was known as Alexander’s Rag TimeBand.†The Cumberland News of Cumberland, Maryland, November 6, 1963 * * *

George Dixon swears he read this in a book published long ago in the deep south: “After chasing the Union army all over the map, the Confederates pulled up at Appomattox, planning to wipe out the Yankees. . .General Lee was resting at the town’s courthouse when in walked General Grant to surrender. Lee took the Union General to be an orderly, so he gave him his sword to polish. Astonished, Grant took the sword, thinking Lee had surrendered instead. He even thanked Lee for surrendering and, being a true Southern gentleman, Lee couldn’t go back on his word.†Simpson’s Leader-Times of Kittanning, Pennsylvania, April 1, 1957 How about them apples. * * *

Yall are just young pups. I worked on the C-119s until we got the first C-130s in 1956. I was in the 773 TCS from 1955 into 1959. The 773rd got the first compliment of 16 C-130s. Several of us were sent to Edwards AFB for Phase 6 Testing. Old Marv here.

The Turkey’s Lament I wonder what I can have done To merit all this trouble— Shut up where I can have no fun And bent until I’m double! This morning all the folks rushed out And chased me over fences And here and there and round about Until I lost my senses. I ran toward the farmer’s wife And thought she would befriend me, But even she—upon my life— Did nothing to defend me! Instead, she grabbed me by a foot With no consideration, And in this prison I was put Without an explanation. The farmer’s sharpening an axe; The children talk of “dressing.†Oh, my, I wish I knew the facts! These rumors are depressing! But all the future I can see Looks very, very murky, Just now I think I’d rather be A chicken than a turkey. By King Gobbler, 1913

Very interesting, Sam. The 775th was also at Ardmore AFB in the fifties. It was reactivated there with C-119s I think in early 1956. I was in the 773rd at that time. I thought the 775th transferred to Stewart the last of 1958. I was sent to Ardmore in November of 1955 and worked on C-119s until we received the first of the C-130s in 1956. I was released the last of January 1959.

Question: What is the salary of a quartermaster sergeant? Answer: The War Department says that the pay of a master sergeant, the grade in which all quartermaster sergeants senior grade are now placed, is $126 per month. Quartermaster sergeants, other than senior grade, are regarded as technical sergeants, and their pay is $84 per month. This pay became effective July 1, 1922. Sheboygan Press, Sheboygan, Wisconsin December 7, 1923 * * *

The Drink Ideal Here is to buttermilk, beverage fine, Drink that beats booze forty ways, Better than brewery products or wine, Worthy of bountiful praise! When you are thirsty it goes to the spot, Instant relief to extend, Cooling the throat that was parching and hot, Acting the part of a friend. All of the doctors who know A B C, Give it their warmest O.K., Say that it’s better than bitters or tea. Any old time of the day. Swear it is one of the healthiest drinks Man has discovered and much, Better than mixtures induced by a wink Under the soda clerk’s touch. Fresh from the churn in a gold speckled flow, Flavored with nothing but ice, Brimming tin dipperful bound to bestow Blessings that come without price, Drink of it daintily, taking your time, Sip it in soulful repose, Getting away with it makes you feel prime Down to the tips of your toes. Here’s to the health giving drink for the gods! Ho, for a buttermilk spree! Holding its devotees, giving no odds, Just get the habit and see. Leaving next morning no brown, fuzzy taste, Causing no riots nor strife, Leaving no record you wish to efface Ho, the elixir of life! Nashville American of Nashville, Tennessee, May 16, 1908 * * *

Airships spatter oil worse than automobiles do. After they get to flying thickly it will be necessary for all persons to wear a tin roof to keep off the oil and falling monkey wrenches and beer bottles. Hints and Dints, May 6, 1912. * * * Cranking automobiles seems to be about as dangerous as blowing into the empty gun. May 1912 * * * A western mule dealer, who is personally acquainted with thousands of mules, says the price of mules has doubled in the past few years. Mules are still giving the auto truck the hee-haw. From New Castle News, New Castle, Pennsylvania, July 11, 1913 * * * A woman was sent to jail for five days in Nashville, Tennessee for killing a barber. Killing a barber evidently isn’t a very serious offense down there. From New Castle News, New Castle, Pennsylvania, June 26, 1913 * * * A newspaper, in speaking of a deceased citizen banker said: “We knew him as old Ten Per Cent-- The more he had the less he spent-- The more he got the less he lent-- He’s dead-- we don’t know where he went-- But if his soul to heaven is sent-- He’ll own the harp and charge ‘em rent.†From New Castle News, New Castle, Pennsylvania, July 9, 1913 * * * What would happen to a man if he walked or ran down Washington street making the noise and smoke that an automobile makes? He would be surrounded by cops and pinched on the spot. From New Castle News, New Castle, Pennsylvania, June 7, 1913 * * * Edison says that in a hundred years there will be no poverty. Not for any of us, that’s right. From New Castle News, New Castle, Pennsylvania, August 27, 1913. * * * The United States district court of New York has ruled that damages cannot be recovered when an aeroplane drops on a person. From New Castle News, New Castle, Pennsylvania, June 28, 1913 * * * “Tut,†“tut,†is President Wilson’s fiercest cuss word. He couldn’t drive a mule very far on mollycoddle language like that. From New Castle News, New Castle, Pennsylvania, June 27, 1913 * * * A bill has been introduced in the U. S. Senate that aims to provide a two-dollar-a-day job for every person who wants it. From New Castle News, New Castle, Pennsylvania, June 27, 1913 * * * The Prudent Farmer to His Love Come, live with me and be my love, And I’ll buy thee a new cook stove; Then, summer, autumn, winter, spring, You’ll hear your own tea kettle sing. I’ll buy thee, too, a chair that rocks, Where you may sit and darn my socks; And as your needle fills each hole, A deep content shall fill your soul. That it is you who sit there rocking, And no one else may darn my stockings. A mattress made of shucks and hay, Shall rest you at the close of day; A clock with loud alarm shall warn, Your sleepy head when night is gone. I’ll buy thee, too, a muslin gown, To wear some Sunday into town. I’ll give you damaged corn to feed, The chickens, and if you succeed Well with the eggs and fowls and milk, I’ll give you somewhat toward a silk. If all these promised joys can move, Come, live with me and be my love. M. M. Lee From New Castle News, New Castle, Pennsylvania, June 28, 1913

THE OLD CONFEDERATE’S STORY We had all grown weary listening, To the stories of war and death. When the old Confederate rested A moment to catch his breath. And one disgusted listener, In rather sarcastic tone, Said: “Now, see here, old soldier, As we’re all of us alone; Come, tell us, about how many Of the Yanks did you ever kill?†The Old Confederate answered, “It’s a ticklish question. Still, I don’t mind tellin’ it private, An’ in confidence jest to you; I’ve been figgerin’ ‘em up here lately, An’, infact, I’ve just got through. It’s a strange coincidence, very, “Bout the strangest I ever see Fur I killed jest as many of theyuns, As theyuns killed of me!†The Galveston Daily News, Galveston, Texas, February 11, 1884

Dun Him The word “dun†was first used during the reign of Henry VII. It owes its birth to Joe Dunn, an English bailiff, who was so indefatigable and skilled in collecting debts, that it became a proverb, when a person did not pay his debts, “why don’t you Dunn him?" That is, “why don’t you send Dunn after him?†Hence originated the word which is in general use today. Copied from the “Fayetteville Observer†– December 4, 1852

From the United States Air Force - “There are old pilots and bold pilots, but very few old bold pilots.†* * * * Children do brighten up a home. Who ever saw one of them turn out a light. * * * * Loose teeth worry more people than loose morals. * * * * An author dedicated a new book to his wife, without whose absence, he said, it could never have been written. * * * * Another way of getting the wrong number is to ask a woman her age. * * * * When the grass looks greener on the other side of the fence, it may be that they take better care of it over there. * * * * It has been suggested that the reason there were fewer wrecks in the horse and buggy days was because the driver didn’t depend wholly on his own intelligence. * * * * The only place that a dollar is still worth 100 cents today is in those problems in the arithmetic book. * * * * The Old Timer can remember when things in ten-cent stores were 10 cents. * * * * It’s a wise woman who makes her husband feel that he is the head of the house when he is really only chairman of the entertainment committee. * * * * A woman is incomplete until she is married. Then she is finished. * * * * Leon Noel of Little Rock, Arkansas, can spell his name backward as quickly as he can forward. * * * * Many a girl has found out that marriage wasn’t the solution for tired aching feet. * * * * The toughest part of putting something away for a rainy day is finding a clear day to do it. * * * * Today’s foreign policy seems to be speak softly and carry a big stick of candy. 1958 * * * * There is probably an excellent reason why the husbands of the world’s ten best dressed women are seldom listed among the ten best dressed men. * * * * “There are two types of women in the world – those who take you for what you are, and those who take you for what you have. * * * * You have two choices in life: You can stay single and be miserable, or get married and wish you were dead. * * * * When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to let her keep him. * * * * One who thinks purls are precious stones is a knit-wit. * * * * Then there was a woman who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married, and by then, it was too late." * * * * Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all. * * * * If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say -- talk in your sleep. * * * * Know-how doesn’t seem to account for as much in Washington these days as know-whom. * * * * Well, the huge national debt our descendants will inherit should keep them from one indulgence – ancestor worship! * * * * What this country needs is not so much a good five-cent cigar, as a nickel that is worth five cents. * * * * The whole world over, it looks like the American taxpayer has got to be his brother’s keeper. * * * * A lot of folks that takes a back seat in church is going to get a front seat in hell. 1949 * * * * There ain’t nothing funnier to a fool than to watch another fool acting natural. * * * * A woman with a broken heart gets a kick out of wearing it on her sleeve. * * * * A politician says when a politician quits politicking he’s out of a job. Usually he don’t need a job then – he’s dead. * * * * There ain’t but one way to stop fools from driving cars 90 miles an hour: Stop making cars that’ll run that fast. * * * * Many a feller that’s scooting around now in an expensive car will have to walk over the hill to the poorhouse. * * * * The fellow that insists he’s laid all his cards on the table generally has an ace up his sleeve. * * * * Let’s celebrate the fact, that we have the best country in the world, and renew our resolve to make it even better. * * * * Lets get rid of all the politicians and find us some PATRIOTS. MDS

The husband was 50 and his wife around 45 when he became critically ill. He died a few weeks later and his body was taken to a neighborhood funeral home along with the list of pallbearers the widow wanted. The funeral director looked at the list and said, “I knew your husband very well. He had a lot of friends about his age and I feel sure he would have liked to have some of them carry his casket. All the names on this list are young men in their twenties. “I know,†the widow said. “I am aware of all this but I must start thinking of myself. I expect to get married again and I don’t want to waste any time looking over the crop of eligible men.†A few days after the funeral the director had reason to revisit the cemetery. He noticed someone digging on the grave of her deceased husband. It was the widow. She explained: “George realized I would probably marry again but he told me just before he died he’d like for me to wait at least until the grass started growing on his grave. I promised and I’ll live up to my promise. I’m sodding it.†* * * *

Two female high school classmates who got together after not seeing each other for several years. One asked the other, “Do you have any children?†The other lady said four, all of them boys. First lady had another question, “Any of them named for that football star you had that terrible crush on back in high school?†“Indeed not,†said the other indignantly, “all my boys have church names, I assure you. They are named Matthew, Mark, Luke and Bingo.†* * *