Sonny's Funnies
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Cowboys and Chili A cowboy walks into a seedy cafe in Medicine Bow, Wyoming ... He sits at the counter and notices an old cowboy with his arms folded staring blankly at a full bowl of chili. After fifteen minutes of just sitting there staring at it, the young Cowboy bravely asks the old cowpoke, "If you ain't gonna eat that, mind if I do?" The older cowboy slowly turns his head toward the young wrangler and in his best cowboy manner says, "Nah, you go ahead." Eagerly, the young cowboy reaches over and slides the bowl over to his place and starts spooning it in with delight. He gets nearly down to the bottom and notices a dead mouse in the chili. The sight…
Last reply by Mt.crewchief, -
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Living on earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun every year. How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you’re on. Birthdays are good for you; the more you have, the longer you live. Happiness comes through doors you didn’t even know you left open. Ever notice that the people who are late are often much jollier than the people who have to wait for them? Most of us will go to our graves with our music still inside of us. If Wal-Mart is lowering prices every day, how come nothing is free yet? You may be only one person in the world, but you may also be the world to one person. Some mistakes are too much fun to only…
Last reply by Sonny, -
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Preparing For A Career As A Military Pilot This was sent from an aspiring young man who wanted to become a pilot ... a fighter pilot; Sir: I am D. J. Baker and I would appreciate it if you could tell me what it takes to be an F-16 fighter pilot in the USAF. What classes should I take in high school to help the career I want to take later in life? What could I do to get into the Air Force Academy? Sincerely, DJ Baker ********************************************* From: Van Wickler, Kenneth, Lt Col, HQ AETC Anybody in our outfit want to help this poor kid from Cyberspace? LTC Wickler ********************************************** A worldly and j…
Last reply by CharlieLifeSupport, -
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Last reply by Fräulein, -
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If a herk catches fire on the flight line and there are planes on both sides of it, why do you tow the planes on each side instead of the plane on fire? Answer, The man riding breaks might be overcome by smoke.
Last reply by fenmonster, -
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Interesting History They used to use urine to tan animal skins, so families used to all pee in a pot & then once a day it was taken & Sold to the tannery.......if you had to do this to survive you were "Piss Poor" But worse than that were the really poor folk who couldn't even afford to buy a pot......they "didn't have a pot to piss in" & were the lowest of the low The next time you are washing your hands and complain because the water temperature isn't just how you like it, think about how things used to be. Here are some facts about the 1500s: Most people got married in June because they took their yearly bath in May, and …
Last reply by uncleglenn, -
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The Love Story of Ralph And Edna Ralph and Edna were good friends, and also patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled him out. When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna's heroic act she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable. When she went to tell Edna the news she said, 'Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged, since you were able …
Last reply by tusker, -
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A Don Juan Club in Grenoble, France, has issued the following report on the behavior of foreign women. The German woman is good to her children. The Japanese woman is good to her husband. The Italian woman is good to her parents. The British woman is good to her house. The Dutch woman is good to her church. The American woman is good to herself. February 1959 * * *
Last reply by JimH, -
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A lady walks into a drug store and tells the pharmacist she needs some cyanide. The pharmacist asks, "Why in the world do you need cyanide?" The lady explains that she needs it to poison her husband. The pharmacist's eyes got big and he replies, "Lord have mercy! I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband! That's against the law! I'll lose my license, they'll throw both of us in jail and all kinds of bad things will happen! Absolutely not! You cannot have any cyanide!" With that the lady reaches into her purse and pulls out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife. The pharmacist looks at the picture and replies, "Well now, you didn't tell m…
Last reply by gizzard, -
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Going wireless? After having dug to a depth of 10 feet last year outside of New York City , New York scientists found traces of copper cable dating back 100 years. They came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 100 years ago. Not to be outdone by the New Yorkers, in the weeks that followed, a Los Angeles ,California archaeologist dug to a depth of 20 feet somewhere just outside Oceanside. Shortly after, a story in the LA Times read: " California archaeologists report a finding of 200 year old copper cable, have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech…
Last reply by Sonny, -
Senior Sex
by Sonny- 3 replies
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The husband leans over and asks his wife, "Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you." Yes, she says, "I remember it well." OK, he says, "How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?" "Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!" A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no tro…
Last reply by SEFEGeorge, -
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Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, 'How old was your husband?' '98,' she replied. 'Two years older than me.' 'So you're 96,' the undertaker commented. ! She responded, 'Hardly worth going home, is it?' Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: 'And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?' the reporter asked. She simply replied, 'No peer pressure.' Three old guys are out walking. First one says, 'Windy, isn't it?' Second one says, 'No, it's Thursday!' Third one says, 'So am I. Let's go get a beer I've sure gotten old! I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees, fo…
Last reply by gizzard, -
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Bumper Stickers Where is the rapture when you need it? Faster than a speeding ticket. Better half a slogan... People who think they know it all really annoy those of us who do. Ham radio operators do it with greater frequency. I have a perfect body. It's your vision that's defective. Well, at least the war on the environment is going well. Just be happy I'm not a twin. I'm not perfect, but I'm so close that it scares me. Churches only worship the prophet margin. You probably don't recognize me without my cape. Don't believe everything you think. Without geometry, life is pointless. WWJD (Who Wants Jelly Donuts? …
Last reply by Mt.crewchief, -
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Things I learned living in the South A possum is a flat animal that sleeps in the middle of the road. There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 of them live in the South. There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 of them live in the South, Plus a couple no one's ever seen before. If it grows, it'll stick ya. If it crawls, it'll bite cha. Onced and Twiced are words. It is not a shopping cart... It is a buggy! Jawl-P? Means, did you all go to the bathroom? People actually grow, eat and like okra. Fixinto is one word. It means I'm going to do that. There is no such thing as lunch. There is only dinner and then there's su…
Last reply by JimH, -
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Hi All, I know some of you have done this before and might be able to help. A CCK crew chief needs to get his DD-214 corrected to show boots on the ground in Viet Nam. He has a letter from Reed Mulkey about a shuttle he was on, but Reed has passed and it seems the letter is not proof as it "has no seal" Could anyone help Dianna? Her e mail is direpeta(at)att.net. Thanks Bob I was not able to copy and paste Reed's letter, too high tech for me so I am going to try to attach a PDF file. IMG_0001.pdf
Last reply by bobdaley, -
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Last reply by Mt.crewchief, -
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On the following map in getting directions enter Japan in A and China in B, scrool down to #43 > http://maps.google.com/maps?hl=en&tab=wl
Last reply by Christiene, -
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1. Never pee on the electric fence. 2. Never fry bacon while naked.
Last reply by C130Hcc, -
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Subject: The Alaskan Barbie Collection - Just in Time for Christmas Giving! Juneau Barbie: Juneau Barbie has a good job working for the State. She gets to travel to Anchorage frequently, where she buys her clothes at Eddie Bauer and Nordstrom. She keeps herself in tip top shape, and participates in the Kluane bike race, as well as the Skagway to Whitehorse Klondike run. She and her girlfriends love to drink, dance, and sing together, re-living their athletic accomplishments. Juneau Barbie has a lot of help around the house because Juneau Ken lost his politically appointed position during the last change of administration. Juneau Ken works part time as a "co…
Last reply by ElijahChavez, -
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1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will support a 10 pound possum. 2. Which of these cars will rust out the quickest when placed on blocks in your front yard? (A) '65 Ford Fairlane ( '69 Chevrolet Chevelle, or © '64 Pontiac GTO. 3. If your uncle builds a still, which operates at a capacity of 20 gallons of shine produced per hour, how many car radiators are required to condense the product? 4. A woodcutter has a chainsaw, which operates at 2700 RPM. The density of the pine trees in the plot to be harvested is 470 per acre. The plot is 2.3 acres in size. The average tree diameter is 14 inches. How many Budweisers will be d…
Last reply by jackthehat, -
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[ATTACH]1190[/ATTACH]
Last reply by Skip Davenport, -
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A guy traveling through Mexico on vacation lost his wallet and all of his identification. Cutting his trip short, he attempted to make his way home but was stopped by the U.S. Customs Agent at the border. "May I see your identification, please?" asked the agent. "I'm sorry, but I lost my wallet," replied the guy.. "Sure buddy, I hear that every day. No ID, no entry," said the agent. "But I can prove I'm an American!" he exclaimed. "I have a picture of Ronald Reagan tattooed on one side of my butt and George Bush on the other." "This I gotta see," replied the agent. With that, the guy dropped his pants and showed the agent his behind. "By golly, you're ri…
Last reply by SEFEGeorge, -
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For those that don't know about the history of political parties... Here is a condensed version: Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter. The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups: 1. Liberals 2. Conservatives. Once beer was discovered, it required…
Last reply by SergF, -
“I have a pain in my abdomen.†The recruit told the Army doctor. “Young man,†the doctor replied, “officers have abdomens, sergeants have stomachs, you have a belly ache.†Times Record of Troy, New York, December 24, 1943. * * * Snowyday
Last reply by gizzard, -
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Who are those people who are cheering, asked the draftee, as the soldiers marched to the train. Those, replied the veteran, are the people who are not going. Snowyday
Last reply by INS/Dopplertroop,