Tools

[tinyclark]

For those who haven't seen this...

DRILL PRESS:

A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.

WIRE WHEEL:

Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, "Oh, shit!"... See More

SKILL SAW:

A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.

PLIERS:

Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.

BELT SANDER:

An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.

HACKSAW:

One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle... It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.

VISE-GRIPS:

Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

OXYACETYLENE TORCH:

Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race..

TABLE SAW:

A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.

HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK:

Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.

BAND SAW:

A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge.

TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST:

A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect.

PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER:

Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.

STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER:

A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws and butchering your palms.

PRY BAR:

A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.

HOSE CUTTER:

A tool used to make hoses too short.

HAMMER:

Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit.

UTILITY KNIFE:

Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use..

Son of a bitch TOOL:

Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling "Son of a bitch" at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need.

[topboltsto400]

Hilarious....sad yet , so true..

....I got a few of those boxes checked.....

[Fräulein]

All of that was true.

Just finished some dry wall installation, on sunday. Will be thinking about the sander one while I am fixing the corners tomorrow.

The more you try to get the mud perfect - the worse it gets. Then you end up sanding about 2/3rds of it off. Only to discover that you missed a spot or overdid a spot and now have to level it all out by adding more mud.

I think that might fall under that "ouija priniciple"

[BobWoods]

Instead of sand paper on that dry wall try a big sponge and a bucket of H2O. Makes less of a mess to clean up.

[TSgtRet]

You forgot the "Wrigleys Fuse": That foil device that, when wrapped around a blown fuse and reinserted, allows you to find the failling component and let all of the trapped smoke out of the offending equipment. Suitable substitutes include safety wire and scews/bolts depending upon the configuration of the fuse holder.

[Fräulein]

Instead of sand paper on that dry wall try a big sponge and a bucket of H2O. Makes less of a mess to clean up.

I used to do that. But sometimes I would get a little over zealous and then the thin paper on the drywall would pull up. Thus creating another task.

I got one of those small sanders.

You forgot the "Wrigleys Fuse": That foil device that, when wrapped around a blown fuse and reinserted, allows you to find the failling component and let all of the trapped smoke out of the offending equipment. Suitable substitutes include safety wire and scews/bolts depending upon the configuration of the fuse holder.

Old school Hostess Ding-Dong foil wrappers worked for larger jobs. Like seating lamp bulbs that have become loose.

[Dan Wilson]

Thats outstanding Tiny

I can honestly say that I have checked each and every box in your post in the manner described at least once; unfortunately the reality is a whole lot of times, especially the "son of a bitch" tool!!

Dan

[Fräulein]

unfortunately the reality is a whole lot of times, especially the "son of a bitch" tool!!

Dan

I have also used it's cousin-the "goddammitmutherfukkar" tool. That is the tool that you cannot find after it has been thrown. Which causes you to use the dikes as pliers.

[DC10FE]

To add to Tiny's list, here's a "Top 10 List" for gear heads. I think a lot of us can identify with all of them.

Don R.

TOP 10 LIST

1. The greater the distance back to the parts store, the greater chance you got the wrong part.

2. If there are two or more versions of the part, you got the wrong one.

3. Anything you need today won’t be available until next week.

4. Any used wheels you buy for your car will have 1-inch less backspacing than you need.

5. Any repair job will take three times as long and cost twice as much as planned.

6. That sharp crack you heard tightening down the carburetor was not you knuckles.

7. That flaring job you did on that brake line would’ve been perfect if you had remembered to put the flare nut on the line first.

8. No matter what you paid, some guy knows where you could have gotten it a lot cheaper.

9. Any time you guess about the length of the hose, it’ll be too short.

10. The older you get, the faster your car used to be.

[tinyclark]

You forgot the "Wrigleys Fuse": That foil device that, when wrapped around a blown fuse and reinserted, allows you to find the failling component and let all of the trapped smoke out of the offending equipment. Suitable substitutes include safety wire and scews/bolts depending upon the configuration of the fuse holder.

I actually fixed a microwave from an unnamed section at an unnamed base. They had put a juicy fruit gum wrapper around the fuse and it had burned through. Installed a mil spec circuit breaker, Op Ck OK.

I told those guys that they needed to pay attention to the current ratings of the gum wrappers that they use.

[Wil Sanchez]

thanks Tiny for the fun side of mechanicing. I ran across this unusual use of alternate items for a fuse. Hope you enjoy it.

Wil

(1996) Two local men were seriously injured when their pickup truck left the road and struck a tree near Cotton Patch on state Highway 38 early Monday morning. Woodruff County Deputy Dovey Snyder reported the accident shortly after midnight Monday.

Thurston Poole, 33, of Des Arc, and Billy Ray Wallis, 38, of Little Rock, are listed in serious condition at Baptist Medical Center. The accident occurred as the two men were returning to Des Arc after a frog-giggin' trip.

On an overcast Sunday night, Poole's pickup truck's headlights malfunctioned. The two men concluded that the headlight fuse on the older model truck had burned out. A replacement fuse was not available, but Wallis noticed that the .22 caliber bullet from his pistol fit perfectly into the fuse box next to the steering wheel column. Upon inserting the bullet, the headlights again began to operate properly and the two men proceeded on eastbound toward the White River Bridge.

After traveling approximately 20 miles, just before crossing the river, the bullet apparently overheated, discharged and struck Poole in the right testicle. The vehicle swerved sharply to the right, exiting the pavement and striking a tree. Poole suffered only minor cuts and abrasions from the accident but will require surgery to repair the other wound. Wallis sustained a broken clavicle and was treated and released.

"Thank God we weren't on that bridge when Thurston (shot his intimate parts off) or we might have been dead," stated Wallis. "I've been a trooper for 10 years in this part of the world, but this is a first for me. I can't believe that those two would admit how the accident happened," said Snyder.

Upon being notified of the wreck, Lavinia, Poole's wife, asked how many frogs the boys had caught.

Incorrectly attributed to the Arkansas Democrat Gazette, 25 July 1996. The Gazette issued a decisive statement denouncing this story as a hoax on October 17, 1997.

Reference: Arkansas Democrat Gazette

[fenmonster]

thanks Tiny for the fun side of mechanicing. I ran across this unusual use of alternate items for a fuse. Hope you enjoy it.

Wil

(1996) Two local men were seriously injured when their pickup truck left the road and struck a tree near Cotton Patch on state Highway 38 early Monday morning. Woodruff County Deputy Dovey Snyder reported the accident shortly after midnight Monday.

Thurston Poole, 33, of Des Arc, and Billy Ray Wallis, 38, of Little Rock, are listed in serious condition at Baptist Medical Center. The accident occurred as the two men were returning to Des Arc after a frog-giggin' trip.

On an overcast Sunday night, Poole's pickup truck's headlights malfunctioned. The two men concluded that the headlight fuse on the older model truck had burned out. A replacement fuse was not available, but Wallis noticed that the .22 caliber bullet from his pistol fit perfectly into the fuse box next to the steering wheel column. Upon inserting the bullet, the headlights again began to operate properly and the two men proceeded on eastbound toward the White River Bridge.

After traveling approximately 20 miles, just before crossing the river, the bullet apparently overheated, discharged and struck Poole in the right testicle. The vehicle swerved sharply to the right, exiting the pavement and striking a tree. Poole suffered only minor cuts and abrasions from the accident but will require surgery to repair the other wound. Wallis sustained a broken clavicle and was treated and released.

"Thank God we weren't on that bridge when Thurston (shot his intimate parts off) or we might have been dead," stated Wallis. "I've been a trooper for 10 years in this part of the world, but this is a first for me. I can't believe that those two would admit how the accident happened," said Snyder.

Upon being notified of the wreck, Lavinia, Poole's wife, asked how many frogs the boys had caught.

Incorrectly attributed to the Arkansas Democrat Gazette, 25 July 1996. The Gazette issued a decisive statement denouncing this story as a hoax on October 17, 1997.

Mythbusters did a segment on this. It was busted unless you had something like 10 time the amps in the fuse panel.

[INS/Dopplertroop]

You forgot the "Wrigleys Fuse": That foil device that, when wrapped around a blown fuse and reinserted, allows you to find the failling component and let all of the trapped smoke out of the offending equipment. Suitable substitutes include safety wire and scews/bolts depending upon the configuration of the fuse holder.

Way back, early 80's I guess, Sau-- Herk came through Dover transient on it's regularly scheduled "Dip" run for those Lincolns and Cadillacs. Pulled the Doppler Freq Tracker (the back end of these birds was always packed with spare parts for the trip), all of it's fuse holdres were jammed with coiled safety wire.

[Wil Sanchez]

OK everybody, let's see if we have any real mechanics. Tell me what the following tols are. Let's see who gets it right first.

Wil

[Mt.crewchief]

Okay, I'll bite! What I see is side-cutters, sanding disc, and a file!!!

Now I am sure this is not the answer you are looking for!!!!

Ken

[topboltsto400]

those are for fixing up a split fingernail....or getting "cleaned up" for a night out....

[Fräulein]

Nail clippers. Drink coaster or paper frisbee . Pry bar or kabob for grilling. You use the handle on the file as a hammer for surfaces you don't want to mar.

[Herkloadie]

Those are all tools that, when used properly, will remove more material off your project piece than you intended.

[Skip Davenport]

snip sand file and I'm just a pilot LOL

[TSgtRet]

Way back, early 80's I guess, Sau-- Herk came through Dover transient on it's regularly scheduled "Dip" run for those Lincolns and Cadillacs. Pulled the Doppler Freq Tracker (the back end of these birds was always packed with spare parts for the trip), all of it's fuse holdres were jammed with coiled safety wire.

When I was TDY to Mildenhall in 74 the PCS shop had ordered an APN 69 RT (RT 204?) for a tanker. When it arrived they plugged it in to the mock up for a quick ops check....nothing happened. It was fresh from depot in the foil "bag"...when they pulled the chassis out of the can it had a couple red bricks safety wire to the frame in place of some missing modules to give it the right weight; QC and the OSI got involved...never did hear the outcome!

[Wil Sanchez]

Looks like Topboltsto400 is a real mechanic. This is a mechanics nail grooming kit. Sorry I forgot the cuticle screwdriver.

Wil

[topboltsto400]

hahaha

thanks Will!!

Learned a few things wrenching on these things, miss it ALOT now that I'm a FE...no more getting stabbed by .32 and not knowing till blood is everywhere, the rings aorund the bottom of the shower, no matter how often I cleaned....whole house smelling like JP-X after a fuel control swap etc....never did find an answer to one of the most disturbing issues: how come no matter how hard or with whatever you use to scrub your hands clean...they're always cleaner after you wash your hair....disturbing, yet oh so true.

I have to get a fix every now and then...and my car is the victim...seems to get faster every time. Heads, cam, intake and supercharger are going on soon....all sitting on the shelf just need some spare time...prolly next weekend.

Use to day dream about mounting a GTC in the backseat....that'd be one bada$$ supercharger, 35 psi ducted up to the throttle body.....but I didn't want to put a pintle hook on and tow a fire bottle around town....prolly couldn't justify getting the 3lvl out to the parking lot to stand ground whle I started it to go home either....

[Plaprad]

Use to day dream about mounting a GTC in the backseat....that'd be one bada$$ supercharger, 35 psi ducted up to the throttle body.....but I didn't want to put a pintle hook on and tow a fire bottle around town....prolly couldn't justify getting the 3lvl out to the parking lot to stand ground whle I started it to go home either....

I keep bringing up stuff to break APU's at work all the time. Finally my work partner told me no matter how many I broke and had to replace, they wouldn't let me keep the old one to put in my Mustang.

I guess I'll need to start breaking individual parts now..

[Wil Sanchez]

Hey TopBoltsto400 Post some pics of your ride when you get r done. I'm a drag racer from way back and love all American Muscle. My daily driver up until a couple of years ago was a 1995 Mustang Cobra. She had an E cam with MAC shortys, Flowmasters, Chip and 4.10's. Also had the suspension stuff to make her go around corners.

Wil:)

[topboltsto400]

1994 Mustang GT here....

Will do w/ the pictures.... Hoping to start this weekend, been collecting this stuff for 2 years (gotta feed the kids and that stuff ain't cheap)...on the shelf are Eddy Performers, cam, rockers, 42lb injectors, blah blah blah. Got a Kenne Bell, been on there for a while, stepping it up here soon with the heads etc. If you heard of a Tweecer (tuner), been messing with that for a while too...pretty cool piece, computerized hotrodding.

I was in a junkyard in Albuquerque a while ago...found a Mark 8 with the 32v motor, only 17k on the odometer. They only wanted 180 for it, which included the accesories and wiring harness....I was so close to doing that one....Swap the cams, port the heads, put on some long tubes and a big Kenne Bell....Sweet!! Little fabbing and a new k-memeber not so bad...but after looking for a t-56/ 6spd swap kit and seeing the price tags....I put that one on the backburner. There was a 460 out there too....my sole purpose for that one would to see if I could rip the motor mounts out on a hard launch....maybe ripple the roof....

Hoping to send a piston thru the hood or a rod thru the block (not really) but.... that'd be good enough justification to do a 347, maybe a 200 shot or ~15 lbs of Vortech...oh man,....the wheels are turning again.....really want to do a FOX 'vert, with the 32v, and a full Maximum Motorsports suspension....nice, fast cruiser....ahhhh, someday...

sorry for the long read..been in some W conversion training classes last few days, software engineers don't know anything about things that spin and use gas, likewise I don't know anything about software....nice to do a little car BS'ing