John Mule

[snowyday]

This is the story of John Mule, late of the United States Coast Guard. It couldn’t happen anywhere but here.

One day the sailors at the Coast Guard depot in Curtis Bay, Maryland, wearying of hauling coal in wheelbarrows to fuel their ships, pooled their funds and purchased a mule to do their hauling for them. But mules must eat, and the pay of a Coast Guard sailor hardly provided for feeding a mule. The problem was temporarily solved by enlisting the mule in the Coast Guard, putting his name on the official payroll as John Mule, fireman third class.

But fireman third class, John Mule proved to be an extremely hearty eater, and soon they found if necessary to promote him to fireman second class. More money, more hay. Eighteen months later he was promoted to Petty officer second class!

But all things must finally come to an end. Rumors drifted to Washington that a mule was enlisted as an officer in the Coast Guard. The Washington officials could appreciate the humor of the situation, but still, they decided, those smart Curtis Bay boys had to be taken down a few notches. Thereupon the following order was sent out of Washington to Curtis Bay: “Transfer John Mule, petty officer secand class, to seagoing cutter Bear in Alaska immediately.†Now how was a petty officer mule going to sea on a Coast Guard cutter? It just wasn’t possible! And so after much head-scratching a report went forth to Washington saying that Petty Officer John Mule had deserted.

And that was that!

Snowyday