One Liners Four

[snowyday]

When a feller says, “I ain’t no fool,†he ain’t thinking – he’s wondering.

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The best place to look for the family circle is around a square meal.

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It takes a lot of jack to keep a car up.

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I wasn’t surprised to read a man fell dead when he paid his income tax, it mighty nigh kills me.

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An old codger told me he had seen a lot of changes in his time and he had been against all of ‘em.

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A feller is getting along in years when he counts his change no matter how pretty the cashier is.

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The feller that brags that he don’t never quarrel with his wife is mistaking cowardice for chivalry.

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A Loafer is a man that rests before he gets tired.

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Charity wouldn’t cost much if it went only to folks that’s needy through no fault of their own.

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No matter how much or what kind of sense a feller’s got, if he ain’t got no sense about spending money he’s a fool.

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The doctor told me to laugh at my troubles, and I did, but they laughed right back at me.

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The reason a lot of folks has a hard time making ends meet is they cover too much territory.

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Every time a feller tries to explain a lie, a little truth leaks out.

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They say truth crushed to earth will rise again – but a lot of dirty work is done while it’s down.

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In a lot of cases the chip on a feller’s shoulder is mostly bark.

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There ain’t nobody tall enough to keep his feet on the ground while his head is in the clouds.

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There’s a lot of advantages in being old, and any oldster would swap 10 of them for 1 advantage of being young.

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Work is one of the most interesting things in the world, when the other fellow’s doing it.

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It’s the club car, not the roadbed that makes the train rock so much.â€

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Most of us would live very well on our incomes if Uncle Sam didn’t skim the cream off.

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If a fellow spends much time yelling for his rights, he’s neglecting his duties.

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If all the people who ate at boarding houses were put at one long table they would reach.

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“Many a man prefers dampened spirits.â€

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When I was a school kid a boy was a sissy that didn’t strike matches on the seat of his pants.

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It looks like the only time a lot of folks love money is when they’re kissing it goodbye.

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The feller that gets as high as a kite never makes a happy landing.

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Skis are the swiftest transportation from white-blanketed mountainsides to white-sheeted hospitals.

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This is the time of year when people go to Florida and give up good dollars for poor quarters.

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When I was young, folks didn’t brag about their ancestors. They had family albums and knew what they looked like.

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For us oldsters, Christmas comes twice as quick as it used to, and it ain’t half as much fun.

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There’s a lot of folks in this world that the best way to get along with them is to leave them entirely alone.

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A driver who has had a few quick ones may have a few close ones, too.

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She has two strings to her bow and has two beaux on the string.

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Being skeered of what the neighbors might find out has prevented more devilment than all the laws.

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I believe if a woman’s intuition could be analyzed, it’d show up as being mostly suspicion.

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I reckon the reason Uncle Sam’s legs are so long is because other nations have pulled them so much.

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Young folks these days worry a lot more about an empty gas tank than about an empty head.

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Even falling off a log wouldn’t be easy for some folks, as they couldn’t decide which side to fall off.

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I think hillbillies are all right in their place – and that’s in the hills, not in the radio station.

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A small income is a heck of a thing – difficult to live within and impossible to live without.

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When people are green with envy they are ripe for trouble.

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Some people are such loud dressers you can hear them hunting for their ties.â€

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Democracy is a system under which a fellow who didn’t vote can spend the rest of the year kicking about the candidates the other fellows elected.

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Opportunity doesn’t knock these days. It rings the phone and asks silly questions.

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A feller has to be a mighty big egotist to feel important while looking at the stars.

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The best thing to do for spring fever is to set as much and as loose as possible.

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You can judge a man by striking an average between what his ma and ma-in-law think of him.

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A man taking cold often measures his ounce of prevention in a jigger.

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If a feller waits long enough for something to turn up, something will, but it’ll probably be his toes.

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Being always on time, but not buying things that way, leads to a happy life.

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No matter what sort of government or system of doing business, some folks have more spending money than others.

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