Jump to content

One Liners Seven


snowyday
 Share

Recommended Posts

Many a man who has loved his wife when her hair was brown, red, black and blonde will continue to love her when it is gray.

* * * *

It’s all right to drink like a fish, provided you drink what a fish does.

* * * *

Many an accident happens to a man when his wife falls asleep in the back seat.

* * * *

Any wife is content to take a back seat to her husband so long as she can do the driving.

* * * *

An expert is one who can complicate simplicity.

* * * *

A perfect example of minority rule is a baby in the house.

* * * *

She saw the price and then, of course, she simply had to have it.

* * * *

Every railroad train has two ends and the dining car is always at the other one.

* * * *

The trouble with wives is that they’d rather mend your ways than your socks.

* * * *

“The fathers’ waiting room at the Hollywood Methodist Hospital is called the Heirport.

* * * *

The ideal Christmas gift for Dad would be a set of unbreakable New Year’s resolutions.

* * * *

Tequila: The gulp of Mexico.

* * * *

As a man grows older he usually becomes more cool headed, in many cases this could be due to lack of hair.

* * * *

I didn’t say my husband drinks like a fish, yer honor, I jest said how his friends call him Bacon ‘cause they’re always bringin’ him home!â€

* * * *

A wise man never asks a large woman what has she got to lose.

* * * *

Most family arguments have two sides – but no end.

* * * *

Nothing makes a man forget a passing fancy like something fancier.

* * * *

On a struggling lawn in Chicago: “Your feet are killing me!â€

* * * *

The best proof that money isn’t everything is the inside of a woman’s purse.

* * * *

When the One Great Scorer comes

To write against your name. . . .

He marks --- not that you won or lost

But how you played the game.

Grantland Rice

* * * *

It’s a pity we can’t reduce our figures as easily as those in our bank accounts.

* * * *

Secret meetings never do free people any good.

* * * *

There may be slow-downs in other lines, but tailoring business is always pressing.

* * * *

My wife always agrees there’s two sides to every question – hers and the wrong one.

* * * *

The honeymoon is over when the wife starts winning most of the arguments.

* * * *

Living within your means today is rather mean living.

* * * *

Some people are so lazy they won’t even try to collect the living they think the world owes them.

* * * *

A politician has to be able to see both sides of an issue so he can get around it.

* * * *

It’s all right for every dog to have his day, but why do the cats have to take the night shift.

* * * *

My grandpa couldn’t afford a lot of things that I can’t live without today.

* * * *

A 100-year-old man says he’s bought only one bottle of medicine in his life, and he threw that away.

* * * *

It’s usually easier in the long run to do what you ought to do than to try to explain why you didn’t.

* * * *

In a lot of cases the feller that’s putting up a big front has got his back to the wall.

* * * *

A lot of people who think that politics is a dirty business probably get this opinion from observing that few politicians come clean.

* * * *

Hope looks through rose-colored glasses and turns a deaf ear to the Voice of Experience.

* * * *

A man can usually have the last word with a woman if he can afford to say yes.

* * * *

Chemistry probably will never develop anything more dangerous than a blonde.

* * * *

I ain’t never seen nothing as awkward as a 16-year old boy in love.

* * * *

A feller’s bound to lose his shirt sooner or later if he puts too much on the cuff.

* * * *

I done got to where I’ll believe anything the scientists say, providing it’s unreasonable enough.

* * * *

The biggest cause of insomnia is an overloaded conscience or an overloaded stomach.

* * * *

Admirer, to senatorial candidate: “I like the straight-forward way you dodged those issues.

* * * *

No wonder our politicians are the way they are they were all born illiterate.

* * * *

Santa enters through a hole in the chimney and leaves through a hole in your pocket.

* * * *

A tough break is to be born rich and never have the opportunity of bragging about carrying a paper route of living in a log cabin.

* * * *

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

×
×
  • Create New...