One Liners Nine

[snowyday]

Some people are ashamed of their past. Others write best sellers.

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Do you ever feel like Brand X.?

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There is no rest for the wicked – and their neighbors don’t get much rest either.

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A person who talks to himself has the satisfaction of knowing that his audience is all ears.

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Ulcers are the result of mountain-climbing over molehills.

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When the moon is full the gas tank is most often empty.

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Inflation isn’t entirely bad – at least it sells balloons.

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The trouble is, most of us spend half our lives trying to live it up, and the other half trying to live it down.

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“Easy come easy go,†doesn’t apply to used cars.

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As far as flattery goes, marriage is the end of the line.

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At home a husband’s word is law – the kind that never seems to get enforced.

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Most fishermen go for new lures faster than the fish do.

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The average driver is sure he drives carefully, but the fellow ahead always stays too close.

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A lot of lots are lots larger than a lot of other lots.

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Be kind to animals week is not for the benefit of the man who leads a dog’s life.

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RULE NUMBER ONE

A little flattery now and then,

Makes husbands of the single men.

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A feller that lives on hope ain’t never burdened with too much fat.

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It looks like that even folks that expect the best of you is always ready to believe the worst.

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A fellow that sets in saying what he thinks soon runs out of listeners.

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Most absent minded folks I know ain’t much better off when their minds are present.

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Man is supposed to be a intelligent being, but you shore couldn’t guess it from the daily news of his doings.

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Don’t set around doing nothing and waiting for your ship to come in. Get busy and paddle your own canoe out to meet it.

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The reason men don’t win arguments with women is because men with good sense don’t argue with women.

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I always figgered that a man that puts his head in a lion’s mouth ain’t risking much.

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It’s mighty easy to thumb a ride on the road to ruin.

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Looking through the dictionary only reminds us of how ignorant we are.

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Nearly all sucker traps are baited with an offer of something for nothing.

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Men can’t understand women, but they sure have a lot of fun trying to.

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Be careful when an enemy offers to bury the hatchet. He may have an axe to grind.

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Another terribly oppressed minority is a man with a wife and two or three teenaged daughters.

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You’re endowed with certain rights, but if you don’t everlastingly stick up for ‘em somebody’ll come along and unendow you.

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You can count on it that sooner or later your sins will find you out—and the bill collector will find you in.

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If a fellow follows the policy of letting tomorrow take care of itself, sooner or later somebody’ll have to take care of him.

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Even when a politician ain’t got his ear to the ground, he’s usually stooping to something else.

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A lot of folks tune out the voice of conscience when money starts talking.

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No matter how well things are planned , most of us, are going to have to work if all of us are going to eat.

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The reason a cat has nine lives is because he knows how to relax.

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That’s good advice about bearing one another’s burdens. The other fellow’s burden is a lot easier to bear.

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In a lot of cases when you help the underdog he gets up and bites a plug out of your leg.

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All that most folks has got when the rainy days come is lots of debts they made when the sun was shining.

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Many a fellow tries to drown out the voice of conscience by singing hymns in a loud voice.

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When a fellow says he don’t care what folks say about him, he knows they ani’t apt to say nothing good about him.

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It don’t take a very heavy pocketbook to throw the scales of Justice out of balance.

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If you let folks push you around, you’ll soon have your back to the wall.

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Nature usually evens things up. A grass-hopper is lazier’n a bee, but he’s got better manners.

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The inscription on your tombstone won’t be admitted as evidence in your trial on Judgment Day.

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