Sonny Posted March 16, 2014 Share Posted March 16, 2014 If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments. Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener. If a man with no arms has a gun, is he armed? Man cannot live by bread alone, unless he's locked in a cage and that's all you feed him. When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts," and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny? When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say? "I am." is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I Do" is the longest sentence? Imitation is not the sincerest form of flattery. Stalking is. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked and drycleaners depressed? Can vegetarians eat animal crackers? If man evolved from apes why do we still have apes? I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman where the Self Help section was, she said if she told me it would defeat the purpose. Should crematoriums give discounts for burn victims? A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries. If a mute kid swears does his mother wash his hands with soap? If I want your opinion, I'll ask you to fill out the necessary forms. If a man stands in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong? We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse. If someone with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is it considered a hostage situation? Is there another word for synonym? Isn't it scary that doctors call what they do "practice"? Where do forest rangers go to get away from it all? What should you do if you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant? If a parsley farmer is sued do they garnish his wages? Would a wingless fly be called a walk? Me and my recliner - we go WAY back. Is a shell-less turtle homeless or just naked? Is it true that cannibals won't eat clowns because they taste funny? Do they use sterilized needles for lethal injections? What was the best thing BEFORE sliced bread? Do Roman paramedics refer to IVs as "4s"? I have not yet begun to procrastinate. If people from Poland are called "Poles," why aren't people from Holland called "Holes"? If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled? Police Station toilet stolen: cops have nothing to go on. The last thing I want to do is insult you. But it IS on the list. Schizophrenia beats being alone. Can we ever really know when our philosophy assignment is due? I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial. If at first you don't succeed, redefine success. You have the capacity to learn from your mistakes, and you will learn a lot today. A thing not worth doing isn't worth doing well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
frank t Posted March 16, 2014 Share Posted March 16, 2014 sonny, you have done it again, thanks frank Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sonny Posted March 17, 2014 Author Share Posted March 17, 2014 sonny, you have done it again, thanks frank Glad you enjoy them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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