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Google Pizza


Sonny
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CALLER:

Is this Gordon's Pizza?
GOOGLE:
No sir, it's Google Pizza.
CALLER:
I must have dialed a wrong number. Sorry.
GOOGLE:
No sir, Google bought Gordon’s Pizza last
month.
CALLER:
OK. I would like to order a pizza.
GOOGLE:
Do you want your usual, sir?
CALLER:
My usual? You know me?
GOOGLE:
According to our caller ID data sheet, the last
12 times you called you ordered an extra-large
pizza with three cheeses, sausage, pepperoni,
mushrooms and meatballs on a thick crust.
CALLER:
OK! That’s what I want …
GOOGLE:
May I suggest that this time you order a pizza
with ricotta, arugula, sun-dried tomatoes and
olives on a whole wheat gluten-free thin
crust?
CALLER:
What? I detest vegetable!.
GOOGLE:
Your cholesterol is not good, sir.
CALLER:
How the hell do you know!
GOOGLE:
Well, we cross-referenced your home phone
number with your medical records. We have
the result of your blood tests for the last 7
years
CALLER:
Okay, but I do not want your rotten vegetable
pizza! I already take medication for my
cholesterol.
GOOGLE: Excuse me sir, but you have not
taken your medication regularly. According to
our database, you only purchased a box of 30
cholesterol tablets once, at Drug RX Network,
4 months ago.
CALLER:
I bought more from another drugstore.
GOOGLE:
That doesn’t show on your credit card
statement.
CALLER:
I paid in cash.
GOOGLE:
But you did not withdraw enough cash
according to your bank statement.
CALLER:
I have other sources of cash.
GOOGLE: That doesn’t show on your last tax
return unless you bought them using an
undeclared income source, which is against
the law.
CALLER:
WHAT THE HELL!!!
GOOGLE:
I'm sorry, sir, we use such information only
with the sole intention of helping you.
CALLER:
Enough already! I'm sick to death of Google,
Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp and all the
others. I'm going to an island without internet,
cable TV, where there is no cell phone service
and no one to watch me or spy on me.
GOOGLE:
I understand sir, but you need to renew your
passport first. It expired 6 weeks ago…

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