Sonny

WORK

The 11th Husband A young man married a beautiful woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband to "Please be gentle; I'm still a virgin". "What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times.?" "Well, husband #1 was a Sales Representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be. "Husband # 2 was in Software Services; he was never really sure how it was suppose to function; but he said he'd look into it and get back with me. "Husband # 3 was from Field Services; he said that everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up. "Husband # 4 was in Telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver. "Husband # 5 was an Engineer, he understood the basic process but he wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state of the-art method. "Husband #6 was from Administration; he thought he knew how but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not. "Husband # 7 was in Marketing; although he had a product, he was never sure how to position it. "Husband # 8 was a Psychiatrist; all he did was talk about it. "Husband # 9 was a Gynecologist; all he did was look at it. "Husband # 10 was a Stamp Collector; all he ever did was..... God I miss him. " But now that I've married you, I'm so excited". "Wonderful", said the husband, "but why?" "You're with the "GOVERNMENT"... This time I KNOW I'm gonna get screwed."

No, but I would have if they would let me! I have a picture I am looking for that shows where they shot a few across the bow of some sampan (or junk or whatever they called them fishing boats!!) when they didn't respond to their call. Sonny

None, we all had those but all in all, most of the crews I dealt with were professional. Sonny

It was worth everything I had to go through. If I had the chance I'd do it again! Sonny

Disorder In The Court Things people actually said in court, word for word: Q: What is your date of birth? A: July fifteenth. Q: What year? A: Every year. Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. Q: This myasthenia gravis-does it affect your memory at all? A: Yes. Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory? A: I forget. Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten? Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to? A: Oral. Q: How old is your son-the one living with you? A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which. Q: How long has he lived with you? A: Forty-five years. Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning? A: He said, "where am I Cathy?" Q: And why did that upset you? A: My name is Susan. Q: And where was the location of the accident? A: Approximately milepost 499. Q: And where is milepost 499? A: Probably between milepost 498 and 500. Q: Sir, what is your IQ? A: Well I can see pretty well I think. Q: Did you blow your horn or anything? A: After the accident? Q: Before the accident. A: Sure, I played horn for ten years. I even went to school for it. Q: Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue lights flashing? A: Yes. Q: Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car? A: Yes sir. Q: What did she say? A: What disco am I at? Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year old, how old is he? Q: Were you present when your picture was taken? Q: Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war? Q: Did he kill you? Q: How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision? Q: You were there until the time you left, is that true? Q: How many times have you committed suicide? Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? A: Yes. Q: And what were you doing at that time? Q: She had three children, right? A: Yes. Q: How many were boys? A: None. Q: Were there any girls? Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement? A: Yes. Q: And these stairs, do they go up also? Q: Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn't you? A: I went to Europe, sir. Q: And you took your new wife? Q: How was your first marriage terminated? A: By death. Q: And by whose death was it terminated? Q: Can you describe the individual? A: He was about medium height and had a beard. Q: Was this a male or a female? Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people? A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m. Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time? A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.

Added an album called Swift Boat to my profile. Sonny

Added an album called Swift Boat to my profile. Sonny

Man-Woman

BobCCK, They look great. I would be most appreciative. What do you need from me? Sonny

"Born Free" Or "I Don't Need No Stinkin' Leashes" (That may be too long!) or "Un-Bridaled" Have to think on this, not to good on the spur of the moment wit names.

Maybe you need to go to Lockheed and ask them for the correct pronunciation. They named it so they should know how it is pronounced.

Doesn't every panel, regardless of what it is named, help reduce drag? I may be wrong on the pronunciation , just giving my opinion. Sonny

jknoxville456, Please see my edit to my original reply. Sonny

jknoxville456, I believe it is pronounced like "fill-it". "Fill-ey" is a french cooking term while "fill-it" is a mechanical term such as a fillet weld or another name for fairing*. Sonny *Fairing also called fillet: an external metal structure fitted around parts of an aircraft, car, vessel, etc, to reduce drag

10 Office Rules: 10. Never walk without a document -- People with documents look like hardworking employees headed to important meetings. People with nothing in their hands look like they're headed for the cafeteria. People with a newspaper in their hand look like they're headed for the toilet. Above all, make sure you carry loads of stuff home with you at night, thus generating the false impression that you work longer hours than you really do. 9. Use computers to look busy -- Any time you use a computer, it looks like "work" to the casual observer. You can send and receive personal e-mail, chat and have a blast without doing anything remotely related to work. These aren't exactly the societal benefits that the proponents of the computer revolution would like to talk about, but they're not bad either. When you get caught by your boss -- and you will get caught -- your best defense is to claim you're teaching yourself to use new software, thus saving valuable training dollars. 8. Messy desk -- only top management can get away with a clean desk. For the rest of us, it looks like we're not working hard enough. Build huge piles of documents around your workspace. To the observer, last year's work looks the same as today's work; it's volume that counts. Pile them high and wide. If you know somebody is coming to your cubicle, bury the document you'll need halfway down in an existing stack and rummage for it when he/she arrives. 7. Voice mail -- Never answer your phone if you have voice mail. People don't call you just because they want to give you something for nothing -- they call because they want YOU to do work for THEM. That's no way to live. Screen all your calls through voice mail. If somebody leaves a message for you and it sounds like impending work, respond during lunch hour when you know they're not there -- it looks like you're hardworking and conscientious even though you're being a devious weasel. 6. Look impatient and annoyed -- According to George Costanza, one should also always try to look impatient and annoyed to give off the impression that you're always busy. 5. Leave the office late -- Always leave the office late, especially when the boss is still around. You could read magazines and storybooks that you always wanted to read. Make sure you walk past the boss' room on your way out. Send important e-mails at unearthly hours (i.e. 9:35pm, 7:05am, etc.) and during public holidays. 4. Creative sighing for effect -- Sigh loudly when there are many people around, giving the impression that you are under extreme pressure. 3. Stacking strategy -- It is not enough to pile lots of documents on the table. Put lots of books on the floor, etc. (thick computer manuals are the best). 2. Build vocabulary -- Read up on some computer magazines and pick out all the jargon and new products. Use the phrases freely when in conversation with bosses. Remember, they don't have to understand what you say, but you sure sound impressive. 1. MOST IMPORTANT -- DON'T forward this to your boss by mistake!

Ken, 1. I have no doubt you are telling the truth 2. The description of the bar sounds very familiar. I'm pretty sure I was in it at one time or another. 3. I, too, remember the line for VD sick call. When I was there between Jan-Oct '68, there was a special time set aside for you go to the dispensary if you thought you had VD. Sonny

BREAST TYPES There are many types of breasts out there, but until now, many people experienced problems communicating what particular breasts were like until now... . . Itty bitty titties ()() Little breasts (.)(.) Nice breasts (o)(o) Perfect breasts (D)(D) Bullets (O)(O) Handful breasts (~0~)(~0~) Stretch mark breasts \o/.\o/ Grandma's breasts [o][o] Breasts during a mammogram * ^ * Flat chest (+0(+0) Fake silicone breasts (*)(*) High nipple breasts (@)(@) Big nipple breasts oo A cups {O}{O} D cups (^)(^) Cold breasts (<)(<) Perky breasts (o)(O) Lopsided breasts (Q)(O) Pierced breasts (p)(p) Hanging tassels breasts (-)(-) Flat against the shower door breasts lollol Android breasts ($)($) Jenny McCarthy's breasts (ooo) Total Recall breasts (she had three!)

donwon, I'm talking about ON BASE. I missed my ride to my plane one afternoon and had to walk. I took a short cut through a field instead of following the road. I ran into a Thai MP who did not speak English. He handed me a card at rifle point that said something to the effect of "I am a Thai MP. I do not speak or understand English. Please follow me or you will be shot" Scared the s#@t out of me. I followed him and we found someone who spoke English. After I explained what I was doing and showed him my ID they gave me a ride to the maintenance shack. Never missed my ride again. Anybody else have anything like that happen to them? This was in 1968.

Did things over there that I would be locked up for stateside!! I will not elaborate further.

Ken, I heard about the girls being checked every two weeks or so but since I would never take one of the girls out of a bar, I never saw or got a green card (or a disease). That's my story and I'm sticking to it. Sonny

Did anybody else ever wander off the beaten path on base and run into a Thai military policeman who didn't speak English? Sonny

Ken, Don't remember a green card. Did get arrested by the AP's for refusing to give my name or show them my ID. As I recall (was a little under the weather at the time) there was this disturbance in this bar where I was sitting and having a sociable drink or two (who knows, lost count). For some unknown reason they thought I was involved with these other rowdy people. They asked for my ID and I politely told them I was told never to give up my ID card to anyone. Needless to say , I was arrested and put in a cell. I sat in that cell until I returned to my senses and we got things cleared up. Gave them my ID and they called someone ay Ubon. Never did find out who they talked to but the AP's were really nice about it and let me go without any charges. Thinking back about some of things I did in SEA, I led a charmed life in the AF. Ah,memories! Sonny

Ken, It happened before the Crew Chief of the Month awards(yes I got more than one!). I promised Sgt. Tanner I would behave and for the most part I did. He did introduce a new crew member to me and told him "Follow this man on how he performs his duties and you will go far. Just don't follow how he behaves when he is off duty." I wonder what he meant by that? Sonny