Jeffysan

Ten Simple Rules for Dating My Daughter Some thoughtful information for those who are daughters, were daughters, have daughters, intend to have daughters, or intend to date a daughter. Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up. Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them. Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist. Rule Four: I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate: when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you. Rule Five: In order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early." Rule Six: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry. Rule Seven: As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like change the oil in my car? Rule Eight: The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool; Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight; Places where there is darkness; Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness; Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided. Movies that feature chainsaws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better. Rule Nine: Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a pot-bellied, balding, middle-aged, dim-witted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me. Rule Ten: Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy outside of Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight, speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car. There is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.

15. A small boy got separated from his grandpa at the mall. A mall security officer found the young lad & asked him about his lost grandfather, "What's his name?" "Grandpa", came a tearful reply. "What's he like?" inquired the mall cop. "Big tits & Coors Lite".

Yep!! That took care of it. Thanks millions!!

Many thanks!!

Am normally a Chrome user. Starting several days ago, these guys hijacked the c-130hercules.net site when viewed using Chrome. Obviously OK using Explorer. Can anyone explain/help me with this? © 1999-2011, Parallels All rights reserved Web Server's Default Page This page is generated by Parallels Plesk Panel, the leading hosting automation software. You see this page because there is no Web site at this address. You can do the following: Create domains and set up Web hosting using Parallels Plesk Panel.

No mon, no fun. Your son. Too bad, so sad. Your dad.

I get irritated when people come down on our police officers, saying that they don't care about or respect others. Well, here is a story that clearly shows not all cops are in that category. This story involves the police department in the small hill country town of Fredericksburg, TX who reported finding a man's body last Saturday in the early evening in the Pedernales River near the state highway-87 bridge. The dead man's name would not be released until his family had been notified. The victim apparently drowned due to excessive beer consumption while visiting "someone" in Kerrville . He was wearing black fishnet stockings, 4 inch spiked heels, a red garter belt, a pink G-string, purple lipstick, dazzle dust on his eyelids, 1/2 inch false eyelashes, and an Obama T-shirt. The police removed the Obama T-shirt to spare his family any unnecessary embarrassment. See there, Texas police do care.

As I recall, it wasn't any worse than a gunship. We (Det 4) did the first flight aero certs on it back in the day. As I remember, the pilot said you really couldn't feel it up there.

Another one: Enlisted guys get the clap. Officers get non-specific urethritis.

1. Never pee on the electric fence. 2. Never fry bacon while naked.

CNN.com is reporting the crash of an Afghan L-100. Anybody have details?

Or, you may wish to try Asian Imports. I bought my airplane from them. Good job. http://www.asianimportsinc.com/

Thing is, the 'J' ain't your daddy's Herk. It's all glass, automated & totally different than any version before it. The 'H' & 'J' share the same beer can, but that's about the end of the similarities. Suggest you contact someone who's qualified in the 'J' to get the ungarbled word from them. Then, talk to some Talon & Shadow guys & discuss the comparison between the SOF mission & tac airlift. Once you've done that I think you'll have a far better idea of what you're up against with your MC-130J assignment.

"I was expecting to attend a shortened version of J model training and then start a mission oriented training on the MC-130J. But, it looks like they've set me up to attend the entire J model course to include the airdrop and airland portions. It makes no sense to me and makes me wonder if they are making us go through the entire training because they aren't sure what else to do with us until the new airplanes show up." That's my point - as well as Skip's - shortened training vs. full up initial qualification course on the acft, then mission qualification(s) course. There should no short cuts to qualification in this business. The mission is far too complex & varied. It's a "been there, done that" kind of thing.

Yep, fully aware - painfully so as you may recall. Purposely steered clear of that argument in my remarks as I think those are rocks the current folks should throw - not we who have already had our day in the sun. I mean, other than the fact that we still care a great deal about the program & mission, we really don't have a dog in that fight anymore.