Sonny's Funnies
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A rabbit broke out of the laboratory where he had been born and raised. As he scurried away, he felt grass under his little feet and saw the dawn breaking, for the first time in his life. "Wow," he thought. "This is great." It wasn't long before he came to a hedge. After squeezing under it, he saw a wonderful sight -- lots of other bunny rabbits, all free and nibbling at the lush grass. "Hey," he called. "I'm a rabbit from the laboratory and I've just escaped. Are you wild rabbits?" "Yes, come and join us," they cried. Our friend hopped over to them and started eating the grass. It tasted so good. "What else do you wild rabbits do?", he asked. "Well," one of them said. "…
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Anniversary
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A husband and his wife were celebrating 50 years together. Their three kids,all very successful, all agreed to a Sunday dinner in their honor. "Happy Anniversary Mom & Dad" gushed son number one, a surgeon, "Sorry I'm running late. I had an emergency at the hospital with a patient, you know how it is, and didn't have time to get you a gift." "Not to worry" said the father, the important thing is that we're all together today." Son number two, a lawyer, arrived and announced "You and Mom look great Dad". I just flew in from Los Angeles between depositions and didn't ha…
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Anniversary
by Sonny- 0 replies
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Husband and his wife were celebrating 50 years together. Their three kids,all very successful, all agreed to a Sunday dinner in their honor. "Happy Anniversary Mom & Dad" gushed son number one, a surgeon, "Sorry I'm running late. I had an emergency at the hospital with a patient, you know how it is, and didn't have time to get you a gift." "Not to worry" said the father, the important thing is that we're all together today." Son number two, a lawyer, arrived and announced "You and Mom look great Dad". I just flew in from Los Angeles between depositions and didn't have time to shop for you". "It's nothing," said the father. "We're glad you were able to come…
Last reply by Sonny, -
A private had been given the job of announcing the guests at a party in the officers’ mess. “Capt. Jones, Mrs. Jones and Miss Jones,†he called when they arrived. “Shorten your announcements,†whispered the officer in charge. Capt. Jones and family would have been sufficient.†The next arrivals were Maj. Penny and his family. “Four-pence!†called the private. * * * *
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“The people upstairs are very annoying,†complained the tenant. “Last night they stomped and banged on the floor until midnight.†“Did they wake you?†asked the landlord. “No.†explained the tenant, “luckily I was up, playing my tuba.†* * *
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It's that time of year to take our annual senior citizen test. Exercising the brain is as important as exercising muscles. As we grow older, it's important to keep mentally alert. If you don't use it, you lose it! Below is a very private way to gauge your loss or non-loss of intelligence. Take the test presented here to determine if you're losing it or not. The spaces below are so you don't see the answers until you've made your answer. OK, relax, clear your mind and begin. 1. What do you put in a toaster? Answer: "bread." If you said "toast," give up now and do something else. Try not to hurt yourself. If you said, bread, go to Question 2. 2. Say "silk" five times. N…
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In Vegas, a blonde walks up to a Coke machine and puts in a coin. Out pops a coke. The blonde looks amazed and runs away to get some more coins. She returns and starts feeding the machine madly, and of course the machine keeps popping out the drinks. Another person walks up behind the blonde and watches her antics for a few minutes before stopping her and asking if someone else could have a go. The blonde spins around and shouts in her face: "Can't you see I'm winning?"
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A Blonde Texan city girl, marries a Texas rancher. One morning, on his way out to check on the cows the rancher says to Amy, "The artificial-insemination man is coming over to impregnate one of our cows today. I drove a nail into the two-by-four just above the cow's stall in the barn. You show him where the cow is when he gets here, okay?" So the rancher leaves for the fields. After a while, the artificial-insemination man arrives and knocks on the front door. Amy takes him down the barn. They walk along a long row of Cows and when she sees the nail, she tells him, "This is the one.....right here." Terribly impressed by what he seemed to think just might be another ditzy …
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A blonde who had been unemployed for several months got a job with Public Works. She was to paint lines down the center of a rural road. The supervisor told her that she was on probation and that she must stay at or above the set average of 2 miles per day to remain employed. The blonde agreed to the conditions and starts right away. The supervisor checking up at the end of the day, found that the blonde had completed 4 miles on her first day, double the average! "Great," he told her, "I think you're really going to work out." The next day, however, he was disappointed to find that the blonde only accomplished 2 miles. The supervisor thought, "Well she's still at the aver…
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A blonde was standing on the river bank looking confused when she spotted another blonde across the river. The first blonde shouts to the other, "How do I get to the other side?!?" The second blonde shouts back, "You are on the other side!!!".
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A blonde's car gets a flat tire on the Interstate one day So she eases it over onto the shoulder of the road. She carefully steps out of the car and opens the trunk. She then takes out two cardboard men, unfolds them and stands them at the rear of the vehicle facing oncoming traffic. The lifelike cardboard men are in trench coats exposing their nude bodies to approaching drivers... Not surprisingly, the traffic became snarled and backed up. It wasn't very long before a police car arrives. The Officer, clearly enraged, approaches the blonde of the disabled vehicle yelling, "What is going on here?" "My car broke down, Officer" says the woman, calmly. "Well, w…
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A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head. The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it." The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're next."
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There was a beautiful young blonde who was going to a soda machine and she arrived there just before a business man coming to quench his thirst. She opened her purse and put in 50 cents, studied the machine a little, pushed a Diet Coke selection, and out came a Diet Coke which she placed on a counter by the machine. Then she reached in her purse again and pulled out a dollar and inserted it in the machine. Studying the machine carefully, she pushed the button for Coke Classic and out came a Coke Classic and 50 cents change. She immediately took the 50 cents and put it in the machine, studied it for a moment and pushed the Mountain Dew button. Out came a Mountain Dew…
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One day a Blonde was going down the road in her car when she sees a car accident. She comes to a stop 2 miles down the road because she hit the gas instead of the brakes. The Blonde then proceeds to pull out 2 naked cardboard men that she put long coats on. She then sets them up along side the road. After an hour passes and traffic backs up 12 miles, a cop comes by. The cop pulls over onto the side of the road. He steps out and asks the woman what those cardboard things are for. She says, "Oh nothing sir, these are just my emergency flashers."
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ANOTHER BLONDE JOKE: A blonde hurried into the emergency room late one night with the tip of her index finger shot off. 'How did this happen?' the emergency room doctor asked her. 'Well, I was trying to commit suicide,' the blonde replied. 'What?' sputtered the doctor. 'You tried to commit suicide by shooting off your finger?' 'No, silly' the blonde said. 'First I put the gun to my chest, & then I thought, 'I just paid $6, 000.00 for these implants... I'm not shooting myself in the chest.' 'So then?' asked the doctor. 'Then I put the gun in my mouth, & I thought, 'I just paid $3,000..00 to get my teeth straightened I'm no…
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A business man got on an elevator.when he entered,there was a blonde already inside who greeted him with a bright ,"t-g-i-f" He smiled at her and replied,"s-h-i-t" She looked puzzled,and repeated,"t-g-i-f". More slowly he answered,"s-h-i-t" The blonde was trying to keep it friendly,so,she smiled her biggest smile and said as sweetly as possibly,"t-g-i-f" The man smiled back to her and once again"s-h-i-t". The exasperated blonde decided to explain what "t-g-i-f"means "thank goodness it`s friday",get it duuhhh? The man answered"s-h-i-t" means "sorry honey it`s thursday."
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> > > > It is becoming a very scary world out there . . . . . > > Another Famous American converts to Islam ... > > It was announced today that Buckwheat, > > Of Our Gang fame, Has converted To > > The Muslim faith and changed his name to: > > Kareem of Wheat. > > I just hope he doesn't become a cereal killer! > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >
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A guy walked into a crowded bar, waving his model 1911 Colt .45 caliber pistol with an 8 round magazine, and yelled, "Who in here has been sleeping with my wife?" A voice from the back of the bar yelled back, "You need more ammo."
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A husband, who has six children, begins to call his wife “mother of six” rather than by her first name. The wife, amused at first, chuckles. A few years down the road, the wife has grown tired of this. "Mother of six," he would say, "what’s for dinner tonight? Get me a beer!" She gets very frustrated. Finally, while attending a party with her husband, he jokingly yells out, "Mother of six, I think it's time to go!" The wife immediately shouts back, "I'll be right with you, father of four!"
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If you are going to be two faced, at least make one of them pretty.
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With a very seductive voice a wife asked her husband "Have you ever seen Twenty Dollars all crumpled up?" "No" said her husband. She gave him a sexy little smile, unbuttoned the top three buttons of her blouse and slowly reached down in her cleavage created by a soft, silky push-up bra and pulled out a crumpled Twenty Dollar bill. He took the crumpled Twenty Dollar bill from her and smiled approvingly. She then asked "Have you ever seen Fifty Dollars all crumpled up?" "No I haven’t" he said with an anxious tone in his voice. She gave him another sexy little smile pulled up her skirt, seductively reached into her tight sheer panties and pulled out a crumpled Fifty Dollar b…
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A patient was pleading with a doctor that he really didn’t need an operation. “There’s nothing wrong with me,†he argued, “except that my appendix itches.†“Good,†replied the doctor, we’ll take it out.†“Just because it itches?†the patient gasped. “Certainly,†the doctor boomed back. “Have to take it out before we can scratch it.†* * *
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Last reply by Sonny, -
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Officer Mullooney was the stupidest clunk on the Sasparilla Falls police force, but his father-in-law was mayor and president of the bank, so there was no way of remedying the situation. One night his chief told Mullooney: “There’s a buzzard been carting apples out of Farmer Klopfer’s orchard every night. I want you to catch him red-handed.†Late that night, Mullooney spotted a man sneaking off the Klopfer premises with a heavy sack. “Mull†collared him and emptied the sack on the ground. Out tumbled a silver tea set, a Picasso miniature, and Mrs. Klopfer’s sable coat. “Golly, I’m sorry,†apologized, Mullooney. “I thought you was stealing appl…
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The great liner was laboring in a heavy sea, but the captain assured his passengers that there was really no great danger. But one mousy little fellow persisted in inquiring again and again. “Are you sure we’re not going to sink, captain?†At last the captain lost his temper and demanded. “What are you – a coward?†“Not at all,†the little man assured him. “I’m not the least bit afraid.†“Then,†said the captain, “you must want to tell your friend good-bye before we go down.†“No, no, it’s not that!†the mousy little passenger protested. “Then, in Heaven’s name, why do you ask me every five minutes if we’re going t…
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