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Sonny

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Sonny last won the day on April 27

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About Sonny

  • Birthday 01/05/1946

core_pfieldgroups_2

  • First Name
    Sonny
  • Last Name
    Cook
  • core_pfield_13
    woodworking

core_pfieldgroups_3

  • core_pfield_11
    Lackland AFB Basic Training 1964

    Chanute AFB 1964-1965 Training, Jet, Over Two Engines(B-52's)

    McGuire AFB 1965-67
    438 OMS
    780 Section
    ACC C-130E 63-7872

    Naha, Okinawa 1967-68
    21st TCS (TAS)
    ACC C-130A 56-0489
    CC C-130A 56-0489
    CC C-130A 56-0533 (Blind Bat)


    Retired from U.S.General Services Administration (GSA) after 38 years of Federal service. I started out as a Building Engineer in Federal Buildings. Later I served as the Building Manager for the State Dept. and the White House. I also headed up special projects for GSA, such as 8 Presidential Inaugurals, 2 Presidential Transistions, NATO 50th Anniversary, and worked on several Olympics.I was also the Director of the buildings located in the Federal Triangle in Washington, DC which housed Treasury Dept.,IRS, Ronald Reagan Building, Commerce, ICC, Secret Service, Customs, EPA and ATF.

    I served for a short time as the Deputy Director of Operations for all the Federal Buildings in the Washington Metro Area.

    I finished my career as the Director of Special Services which included all the fire alarm/fire extinguisher systems, high voltage maintenance, refrigeration services, pest control, and horticultural services for the Washington Metro Area.
  • core_pfield_12
    Hyattsville, Maryland
  • Occupation
    Retired. Spoiling our 6 grandchildren. Loving life!

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  1. While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, 'Are you a cop? Yes,' I answered and continued writing the report. My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?' 'Yes, that's right,' I told her. 'Well, then,' she said as she extended her foot toward me, 'would you please tie my shoe?'
  2. Homer Simpson Quotes: D'oh! America can't collapse! We're as powerful as ancient Rome! Look at me, I'm flying like Superman's dog! I have been acting like telethon Jerry Lewis when I should have been acting like rest-of-the-year Jerry Lewis. And didn't the Easter bunny himself say, "Forgive them father, for finding all my eggs?" I hate Traffic. The band AND the phenomenon! Oh, why do my actions have consequences? I love going to aquatic parks. Sure, they have worse rides than amusement parks, less fish than aquariums, but the parking is ample! Thank goodness it's TGIF! Marge, I thought this was an innocuous lunch, but it's become terribly ocuous! When will I learn? The answers to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle - they're on TV! Bingo! I love that game, but I can't remember what to say when you win. Ah, alcohol. The cause of, and the solution to, all of life's problems. What's the point of going out? We're just going to wind up back here anyway. Lisa, vampires are make believe, like elves, gremlins, and Eskimos. Save me, Jeebus! Facts are meaningless - you could use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true! I'm not impressed easily. Wow! A blue car! Well, crying isn't gonna bring him back, unless your tears smell like dog food. I don't hate your mother, I just won't be sad when she dies. How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain - remember when I took that home wine making course, and I forgot how to drive? Who are you? Why am I here? I want answers now or I want them eventually! Maybe, just once, someone will call me 'Sir' without adding, 'You/re making a scene'. I'm a 'Spalding Gray' in a 'Rick Dees' world. Donuts...is there anything they can't do? Trying is the first step toward failure. Because they're stupid, that's why. That's why everybody does everything! That's it! You people have stood in my way long enough. I'm going to clown college! You know those balls that they put on car antennas so you can find them in the parking lot? Those should be on every car! Marge, I'm going to miss you so much. And it's not just the sex! It's also the food preparation. When I look at the smiles on all the children's faces, I just know they're about to jab me with something. America's health care system is second only to Japan, Canada, Sweden, Great Britain, well...all of Europe. But you can thank your lucky stars we don't live in Paraguay! It's like something out of that "twilighty" show about that zone. Marge, you being a cop makes you the man - which makes me the woman; and I have no interest in that, besides occasionally wearing the underwear, which (as we discussed) is strictly a comfort thing. Whenever Marge turns on one of her "non-violent" programs, I take a walk. I go to a bar, I pound a few, then I stumble home in the mood for love... It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of TV a day. English? Who needs that? I'm never going to England! I like my beer cold, my TV loud, and my homosexuals flaming. Oh no! What have I done? I smashed open my little boy's piggy bank, and for what? A few measly cents, not even enough to buy one beer. Wait a minute, lemme count and make sure...not even close! Beer - now THERE'S a temporary solution.
  3. New Words for the Workplace: BLAMESTORMING Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible. SEAGULL MANAGER A manager, who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves. ASSMOSIS The process by which people seem to absorb success and advancement by sucking up to the boss rather than working hard. SALMON DAY The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die. CUBE FARM An office filled with cubicles. PRAIRIE DOGGING When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on. (This also applies to applause from a promotion because there may be cake.) MOUSE POTATO The on-line, wired generation's answer to the couch potato. SITCOMs Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids or start a "home business". STRESS PUPPY A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny. XEROX SUBSIDY Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one's workplace. PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again. ADMINISPHERE The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. Decisions that fall from the "adminisphere" are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve. This is often affiliated with the dreaded "administrivia" - needless paperwork and processes. 404 Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message "404 Not Found," meaning that the requested document could not be located. OHNOSECOND That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a BIG mistake (e.g. you've hit 'reply all').
  4. I am a senior citizen... - I'm the life of the party... even when it lasts 'till 8pm. - I'm very good at opening childproof caps with a hammer. - I'm usually interested in going home before I get to where I'm going. - I'm good on a trip for at least an hour without my aspirin, antacid... - I'm the first one to find the bathroom wherever I go. - I'm awake many hours before my body allows me to get up. - I'm smiling all the time because I can't hear a word you're saying. - I'm very good at telling stories...over and over and over and over. - I'm aware that other people's grandchildren are not as bright as mine. - I'm so cared for: long-term care, eye care, private care, dental care. - I'm not grouchy, I just don't like traffic, waiting, children, politicians... - I'm positive I did housework correctly before the Internet. - I'm sure everything I can't find is in a secure place. - I'm wrinkled, saggy and lumpy, and that's just my left leg. - I'm having trouble remembering simple words like... uh... - I'm realizing that aging is not for sissies. - I'm walking more (to the bathroom) and enjoying it less. - I'm sure they are making adults much younger these days. - I'm in the *initial* state of my golden years: SS, CD's, IRA's, AARP. - I'm wondering, if you're only as old as you feel, how could I be alive at 150? - I'm anti-everything now: anti-fat, anti-smoke, anti-noise, anti-inflammatory. - I'm a walking storeroom of facts... I've just lost the key to the storeroom. - I'm a Senior Citizen and I think I am having the time of my life... Aren't I?
  5. A woman from the deepest, most southern part of Alabama goes into the local newspaper office to see that the obituary for her recently deceased husband is written. The obit editor informs her that the fee for the obituary is 50 cents a word. She pauses, reflects and then says, "Well, then, let it read, 'Billy Bob died'." Amused at the woman's thrift, the editor says, "Sorry ma'am, there is a 7 word minimum on all obituaries." Only a little flustered, she thinks things over and in a fewseconds says, "In that case, let it read, 'Billy Bob died - 1983 Pick-up for sale.'"
  6. Men Vs. Women: Toys: Women: Little girls love to play with toys. Then when they reach the age of 11 or 12, they lose interest. Men: Men never grow out of their toy obsession. As they get older, their toys simply become more expensive, silly and impractical. Examples of men's toys: little miniature TVs. Car phones. Complicated juicers and blenders. Graphic equalizers. Small robots that serve cocktails on command. Video games. Anything that blinks, beeps, and requires at least 6 "D" batteries to operate. Cameras: Men: Men take photography very seriously. They'll shell out $4000 for state of the art equipment, and build dark rooms and take photography classes. Women: Women purchase Kodak Instamatics. Of course, women always end up taking better pictures. Locker Rooms: Men: In the locker room men talk about three things: money, football, and women. They exaggerate about money, they don't know football nearly as well as they think they do, and they fabricate stories about women. Women: They talk about one thing in the locker room - sex. And not in abstract terms, either. They are extremely graphic and technical, and they never lie. Movies: Women: Every actress in the history of movies has had to do a nude scene. This is because every movie in the history of movies has been produced by a man. Men: The only actor who has ever appeared nude in the movies is Richard Gere. This is another reason why men hate him. Jewelry: Women: Women look nice when they wear jewelry. Men: A man can get away with wearing one ring and that's it. Any more than that and he will look like a lounge singer named Vic. Conversation: Men: Men need a good disagreement to get talking. For instance, "Wow, great movie." or "What are you, nuts? No REAL cop would have an Uzi that size." Women: Women, not having this problem, try to initiate conversations with men by saying something agreeable: "That garden by the roadside looks lovely." "Mm hmm." Pause. "That was a good restaurant last night, wasn't it?" "Yeah." Pause. And so on. Leg Warmers: Women: Leg warmers are sexy. A woman, even if she's walking the dog or doing the dishes, is allowed to wear leg warmers. She can wear them any time she wants. Men: A man can only wear leg warmers if he is auditioning for the "Gimme the Ball" number in "A Chorus Line." Friends: Women: Women on a girls' night out talk the whole time. Men: Men on a boy's night out say about twenty words all night, most of which are "Pass the Doritos" or "got any more beer?" Restrooms: Women: Women use restrooms as social lounges. Women who've never met will leave a restroom giggling together like old friends. Women also go to the restroom in packs, at least two women at a time excuse themselves to use the restroom. Men: Men use restrooms for purely biological reasons. Men in a restrooms will never speak a word to each other. And never in the history of the world has a man excused himself from a restaurant table by saying, "Hey, Tom, I was just about to take a leak. Do you want to join me?"
  7. Unless it has something to do with C-130's, please do not post. Thank you.

  8. Mitsy and Milda were talking about their grandchildren after the holidays. Mitsy said, “My daughter-in-law stopped making my grandchildren send their thank you notes. Each year I sent the grandchildren a card with a generous check inside. I always received a lovely thank you note. However, since my daughter-in-law stopped making the grandkids send thank you notes, I never hear from them.” Milda said, “My daughter-in-law never made the grandchildren send thank you notes. I, too, send them a very generous check. However, for the past several years, I hear from them within a week after they receive it. In fact, they each pay me a personal visit.” “Wow,” remarked Mitsy. “I wish mine would do that.” “You can, Mitsy, you can.” “How?” Mitsy asked. “Simple,” Milda replied. “Do what I do: Don’t sign the check”.
  9. I used to be a butcher, but I backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in my work. I used to be an optician, but I made a spectacle of myself. I worked on screen doors, but I strained myself. I used to work as a hot-air balloon pilot, but my status was up in the air. I used to work in a frozen food factory, but I got fresh and then they canned me. I used to work in a dairy. I got fired for getting in the whey. I lost my job at the massage parlor. I rubbed people the wrong way. I wanted to get a job as a gynecologist, but I couldn't find an opening. I was working in an orange juice factory, but I couldn't concentrate. I tried to be a chef. I imagined it would add a little spice to my life, but I didn't have the thyme. I once was a tailor, but I wasn't suited for it. It was a so-so job. I worked at Starbucks, but it was the same old grind. I tried working in a muffler factory, but that was too exhausting. I tried to work at a deli, but no matter how I sliced it, I couldn't cut the mustard. I worked for a plumber, but that work was too draining. I even worked as a lumberjack, but I couldn't hack it. So they gave me the ax. I tried to work in a shoe factory, but I couldn't fit in. I became a fisherman, but couldn't live on my net income. I was a musician, but I found I wasn't noteworthy. I then got a job at a workout club, but they said I wasn't fit for the job. I got a job as a historian, but there was no future in that! I wanted to become a doctor, but I didn't have any patience.
  10. Sonny

    TIPS

    A man stops by a cafe for breakfast. After paying the tab, he checks his pockets and leaves his tip--three pennies. As he strides toward the door, his waitress muses, only half to herself: "You know, you can tell a lot about a man by the tip he leaves." The man turns around, curiosity getting the better of him. "Oh, really? Tell me, what does my tip say?" "Well, this penny tells me you're a thrifty man." Barely able to conceal his pride, the man utters "Hmm, true enough." "And this penny, it tells me you're a bachelor." Surprised at her perception, he says, "Well, that's true, too." "And the third penny tells me that your father was one, too."
  11. Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road? As told by famous people: AN ORTHODOX RABBI: It was the Sabbath what was he going to do, drive there? THE POPE: The chicken was motivated to cross the road because he realized that only by doing so could he achieve Salvation. PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American. GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough. BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its lifelong dream of crossing the road. MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information. GEORGE H. W. BUSH: The chicken saw a thousand points of light and crossed the road. DAN QUAYLE: I had not heard the chicken crossed the road. PLATO: For the greater good. ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross roads. KARL MARX: It was a historical inevitability. TIMOTHY LEARY: Because that's the only trip the establishment would let it take. CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before. HIPPOCRATES: Because of an excess of phlegm in its pancreas. MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question. MOSES: And God came down from the Heavens, and He said unto the chicken, "Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing. FOX MULDER: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross the road before you believe it? RICHARD M. NIXON: The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did NOT cross the road. MACHIAVELLI: The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive there was. JERRY SEINFELD: Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn't anyone ever think to ask, What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the place, anyway?" FREUD: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity. BILL GATES: I have just released the new Chicken Office 2011, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your check book. OLIVER STONE: The question is not, "Why did the chicken cross the road?" Rather, it is, "Who was crossing the road at the same time, whom we overlooked in our haste to observe the chicken crossing?" CHARLES DARWIN: Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically disposed to cross roads. EINSTEIN: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved beneath the chicken depends upon your frame of reference. BUDDHA: Asking this question denies your own chicken nature. RALPH WALDO EMERSON: The chicken did not cross the road . It transcended it. ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die. In the rain. COLONEL SANDERS: I missed one? MICHAEL SCHUMACHER; it was an instinctive maneuver, the chicken obviously didn't see the road until he had already started to cross
  12. It was mailman George's last day on the job after 35 years of delivering the mail through all kinds of weather. When he arrived at the first house on his route, the whole family came out, roundly congratulated him, and sent him on his way with a tidy gift envelope. At the second house they presented him with a box of fine cigars. The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures. At the next house, he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate love he had ever experienced. When he'd had enough, they went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles and fresh-squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied, she poured him a cup of steaming coffee. As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge. "All this is just too wonderful for words," he said, "but what's the dollar for?" "Well," she said, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day, and that I wanted to do something special for you. I asked him what to give you. He said, 'Screw him. Give him a dollar.'" "Breakfast was my idea."
  13. Signs You Drink Too Much Coffee: - You answer the door before people knock. - Juan Valdez named his donkey after you. - You ski uphill. - You grind your coffee beans in your mouth. - You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse. - You lick your coffeepot clean. - You're the employee of the month at the local coffeehouse and you don't even work there. - Your eyes stay open when you sneeze. - You chew on other people's fingernails. - Your T-shirt says, "Decaffeinated coffee is the devil's blend." - You can jump-start your car without cables. - Cocaine is a downer. - You don't need a hammer to pound nails. - You don't sweat, you percolate. - You buy 1/2 & 1/2 by the barrel. - You've worn out the handle on your favorite mug. - You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee. - You forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them. - You've built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers. - People get dizzy just watching you. - You've worn the finish off your coffee table. - The Taster's Choice couple wants to adopt you. - Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house. - Instant coffee takes too long. - When someone says. "How are you?", you say, "Good to the last drop." - You want to be cremated just so you can spend the rest of eternity in a coffee can. - Your birthday is a national holiday in Brazil. - You're offended when people use the word "brew" to mean beer. - You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug. - You can thread a sewing machine, while it's running. - You can outlast the Energizer bunny. - You don't even wait for the water to boil anymore. - You think being called a "drip" is a compliment. - You don't tan, you roast. - You can't even remember your second cup.
  14. There was a Midwestern phone company that was going to hire one team of telephone pole installers, and the boss had to choose between a team of two Norwegian guys and a team of two Irish guys. So the boss met with both teams and said: "Here's what we'll do. Each team will be installing poles out on the new road for a day. The team that installs the most phone poles gets the job." Both teams headed right out. At end of the shift, Pat and Mike, the Irish guys, came back and the boss asked them how many they had installed. They said that it was tough going, but they'd put in twelve. Forty-five minutes later, Ole and Sven, the Norwegian guys came back in and they were totally exhausted. The boss asked, "Well, how many poles did you guys install?" Ole, the team leader, wiped his brow and sighed, "Sven and me, we got three in." The boss gasped, "Three? Those two Irish guys put in twelve!" "Yeah," said Ole, "but you should see how much they left stickin out of the ground!
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