An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him, "How do you expect to get into Heaven? The boy thought it over and said, "Well, I'll just run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, 'For Heaven's Sake, Jimmy, come in or stay out!'"

Jake had proposed to young Gina, and was being interviewed by his prospective father-in-law. “Do you think you are earning enough to support a family?” the older man asked the suitor. “Yes, Sir,” replied Jake, “I’m sure I am.” “Think carefully now,” said Gina’s father. “There are twelve of us…”

An old woman goes to answer a knock at the door one evening to find two police officers standing there. ''Madam, are you married?'' one officer asks. ''Why yes,'' the old lady replies, ''for 48 years.'' ''Do you have a photograph of your husband?'' the second officer asks. The old lady pulls a picture out of her purse and hands it to the officers. They look it over and hand it back to her. ''Madam, he's going to be OK but, I'm sorry, it looks like your husband has been hit by a

An 85-year-old widow went on a blind date with a 90-year-old man. When she returned to her daughter's house later that night, she seemed upset. "What happened, Mother?" the daughter asked. "I had to slap his face three times!" "You mean he got fresh?" "No," she answered. "I thought he was dead!"

Recently, a large corporation hired several cannibals to increase its diversity. 'You are all part of our team now', said the HR rep during the welcoming briefing. 'You get all the usual benefits and you can go to the cafeteria for something to eat, but don't eat any employees.' The cannibals promised they would not. Four weeks later the cannibal chief remarked, 'You're all working very hard and I'm satisfied with your work. We have noticed a marked increase in the whole company's perf