One day a man came home from work to find his wife crying hysterically in the kitchen. "What's wrong, dearest?" asked the confused husband. "Oh darling," sobbed the wife, "I was cleaning little Suzie's room when I found whips, handcuffs and chains under her bed, along with a very erotic porn magazine! What ever are we going to do?" "Well," replied the man, "I guess a spanking is out of the question?"

Bob was staring sadly into his beer and sighed heavily. “What’s up Bob?” asked the bartender… It’s not like you to be so down in the mouth.” “It’s my five year old son…” Bob replied. “Don’t tell me, he’s in trouble for fighting in school? – my lad’s just the same – forget about it; it happens to boys that age,” said the bartender, sympathetically. “ I only wish it was that,” continued the customer, “ but it’s far worse than that. The little devil has got our gorgeous 18 year ol

A minister dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. Ahead of him is a guy who's dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans. Saint Peter addresses this guy, "Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?" The guy replies, "I'm Joe Cohen, taxi-driver, of Noo Yawk City." Saint Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to the taxi-driver, "Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven."

1- I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes. 2- There are two kinds of pedestrians . . . The quick and the dead. 3- Life is sexually transmitted. 4- Healthy is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die. 5- The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth. 6- Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing. 7- Have you noticed since everyone has a cell phone these days no one talks

A young lady came home and told her Mother that her boyfriend had proposed but she had turned him down because she found out he was an atheist, and didn't believe in Heaven or Hell."Marry him anyway, dear." the Mother said. "Between the two of us, we'll show him just how *wrong* he is."