snowyday

On a busy day a woman walked into the office of the court room in Atlanta, Georgia and addressing Judge Blank, said: “Are you the reprobate judge?†“I am the probate judge.†“That is what I was saying,†she said, “and I have come to you because I am in trouble. My husband was studying to be a minister at a college seminary, and he died detested and left three little infields, and I have come to be appointed their executioner.†* * * * snowyday

I figured I would be close to the oldest. snowyday

The scene was the interior of a saloon in the Far West, and round the table were gathered as tough a gang as could be found in the whole of California. The game was fast and furious, the stakes were high. Suddenly the dealer flung his cards on the table and threateningly pulled out his six-gun. “Boys,†he shouted, “the game ain’t a straight one! Slippery Sam ain’t playing the hand I dealt him. * * * * snowyday

Oswald was in his most sentimental and extravagant mood. He was writing a letter to his sweetheart. Dearest Annabella, he wrote, I would swim the mighty ocean for one glance from your eyes. I would walk through a wall of flame for one touch of your tiny hands. I would leap the wildest river for a word from your lovely lips. Your own Oswald. P.S. I’ll be over on Saturday night if it doesn’t rain. * * * * snowyday

This picture was taken in 1955 at Chanute Air Force Base when I was 18 I am now 74.

1955 regular Air Force Khakis. I may be the oldest member of this outfit. If not I bet I am close to it.

A man was boasting to a neighbor who had lived in the same block of flats that he had kissed every woman in the building but one. The neighbor, boiling with jealousy, went straight home and reported the story to his wife, saying, with a suspicious glance: I wonder, Maggie, who the woman is that he hasn’t kissed? Oh, was the reply, I suppose it will be that stuck-up Mrs. MacIntosh on the third floor. * * * * snowyday

Joe was proud of his golf and that morning he had brought his mother-in-law along to watch him play. “I’m particularly anxious to make a long drive just now,†he said to his friend. “There’s my mother-in-law over there and ‘I—“ “Don’t be a foul,†snapped the other. “You’ll never hit her at this distance.†* * * * snowyday

Khaki is a Hindu word meaning “dust colored.†Uniforms of dust-colored drill are said to have been first worn by British and native troops in India in 1848. Today, September 3, 1949) any drab or green-gray uniform is called khaki. In America, khaki is no longer associated with color. Khaki is pronounced: KACK-ee, to rhyme with wacky. By Frank Colby. * * * *

But, Doctor, â€said the worried patient, “are you sure I’ll pull through? I’ve heard of cases where the doctor made the wrong diagnosis, and treated someone for pneumonia who has afterward died of typhoid fever.†“Nonsense,†sputtered the affronted physician. “When I treat a patient for pneumonia, he dies of pneumonia.†* * * * snowyday

In Kentucky, where men pride themselves on their ability to recognize good whisky, they tell a story to illustrate the art. Two Bluegrass senators sat down to sample a barrel of bourbon. “Mighty fine licker,†allowed one senator tentatively. After rolling it over on his tongue, he added: “But there’s something in that barrel that gives it a slight metallic taste.†The other senator took a dipperful, disagreed. “It’s a slight leathery taste.†He said. Laying a wager as to which is right they kept dipping until the barrel was empty, then turned it over to see what was in it. Out dropped a leather-headed tack. * * * * snowyday

A kind old gentleman was strolling down the street when he saw a small boy standing on the front steps of a house, trying to reach the doorbell. The small boy stood on tiptoe, and even jumped up as high as he could, but he was unable to reach the bell. The kind old gentleman went up the steps, rang the bell, and said: Well, my little man, now what?†“I don’t know what you’re going to do,†said the little man, “but, I’m going to run like the dickens!†* * * * snowyday

from a 1946 newspaper After a shipwreck, a doctor, a preacher and a lawyer found themselves in a row-boat without oars. They came in sight of an island, but their only hope of landing was for someone to go over the side through the shark-infested sea and tow the boat to land. Lots were drawn, and it fell to the lawyer. When he slipped over the side the sharks divided, and made an avenue for him. “An answer to prayer,†said the parson. “No, no, just professional courtesy,†commented the doctor. * * * * from a 1943 newspaper snowyday

“Why can’t you ever plow a straight furrow?†demanded the farmer of his new hired hand. “I keep telling you to keep your eyes on an object in the next field and make straight for it.†“That’s exactly what I do,†complained the man, “but the cow that I’m fixed on keeps moving about.†* * * * snowyday

A man was talking long distance on the telephone and he was having great trouble in making the party at the other end of the line understand his name. “My name is Jitcob,†he shouted into the phone. “I didn’t catch it,†was the reply at the other end. “Jitcob,†again came the shout. “Eh?†“Jitcob!†roared the first man. J-I-T-C-O-B! J as in Arkansas, I as in head, T as in China, C as in look, O as in circle, and B as in hive!†* * * * snowyday

The small one was saying his evening prayer. Mother listened attentively while he went through the usual list of objects meriting divine favor – every cousin, playmate and animal he could think of. Then, suddenly, just before the Amen he inserted an ad lib. “And God, please make Daddy smell nice.†Mother’s head snapped back. “Make Daddy smell nice! Why pray for such a thing?†“Because tonight when you were arguing at the supper table,†responded the child, “I heard you call him a stinker.†* * * * snowyday

A small boy sat down to breakfast one morning when as usual, eggs were served. The boy surveyed them grimly for a moment and then said. “I wish to goodness hens would lay something besides eggs.†* * * * snowyday

Editor Horace Greeley possessed a handwriting which was well nigh illegible. One morning he found in the mail a poem from a female contributor. It was so unimaginative that Greeley was prompted to write the lady, in his own hand, a long letter of sharp criticism. This done, he dismissed the matter from his mind. Several days later, he received a reply from the aspiring poetess. It had taken a little time to decipher his scrawl, she explained, but having succeeded at last, she was happy to inform him that she had decided to accept his offer of marriage. * * * * snowyday

A Cambridge resident reports that he made a tour through the new Graduate Center at Harvard as the workmen were finishing up and noted in passing that to each of the pneumatic door-closers was riveted a small metal plaque stamped, “Yale.†When the Center was formally opened recently, the Cambridge man made a second tour of the premises, and noted in passing that the plaques had been unriveted and removed. 4 Jan 1951 * * * *

In filling out an application for a factory job, a man puzzled for a long time over the question, “Person to notify in case of accident.†Finally he wrote: “Anybody in sight.†* * * * snowyday

Mandy hauled Amos into court because he insisted on keeping the pigs in the living room. “Why, the air ain’t fit to breathe,†she complained. “Why don’t you leave the windows open?†asked the judge. “We can’t do that,†replied Mandy, “the chickens would fly out.†* * * * snowyday

A doctor in want of a strong lad, advertised to that effect, and being a ventriloquist, adopted the following grim ruse to test the nerves of the applicants. The first, a great hulking lad, he sent with a bowl of hot soup to feed a skeleton he had in a dark closet. During the process of feeding, the skeleton observed in a deep voice: It’s sure hot.†The boy’s hair stood on end. He dropped the bowl and fled in terror. The second applicant, a small bushy-haired lad, had to go through the same ordeal: but when the skeleton made his remark, he replied unconcernedly, “I could have told you that. Blow on it you fool.†He got the job. * * * * snowyday

Alfred E. Smith used to enjoy showing visitors to New York, and the Empire State Building. One day, while leading a group, he had to cope with a woman who continually asked irrelevant questions. Smith answered all of them patiently, but when toward the end of the tour, while going down in the elevator, the lady asked: “Suppose the elevator cables would break, would we go up or down?†The ex-governor could stand it no longer. “That, my dear woman,†he snapped, “depends entirely upon the kind of life you’ve been leading.†* * * * snowyday

He was going home and it was dark. His road from the station was a lonely one and he was hurrying along as fast as he could when he realized suddenly that a man behind was following him purposely. The faster he went the faster the man followed until they came to a cemetery. “Now.†He said to himself, I’ll find out if he’s after me,†and entered the cemetery. The man followed him. He circled a grave and his pursuer dodged after him. He crawled under a hedge. Still the man was after him. At last he turned and faced the fellow. “What do you want? What are you following me for?†“Well, sir, it’s like this. I’m going to Mr. Brown’s house and the station agent told me to follow you because Mr. Brown lived next door. Tell me something. Do you always go home like this?†* * * * snowyday

Little Boy (to the bride at wedding reception): “You don’t look as tired as I thought you would.†Bride: “Don’t I? Why do you think I should look tired?†Little Boy: “Well, I heard someone say you had been running after Mr. Black for months and months.†* * * * snowyday