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snowyday

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  1. After he became Britain’s prime minister in 1940 Sir Winston Churchill, with a view to conserving manpower, ordered film studies to be made of all military operations. Examining films of a typical firing of an artillery piece, Churchill noticed that of the six-man crew assisting in the operation one man merely stood at attention. Inquiry showed the sixth man was there to hold the reins of the horses. Yet artillery pieces had not been horse-drawn since the early days of World War I. * * *
  2. A long-suffering wife was about to berate her husband for staggering in at 3 a.m. “Before you begin,†said he, “I want you to know that I was sitting up with a sick friend.†“A likely story, a likely story,†mocked his wife. “What’s his name?†The husband gave this problem deep thought, then announced, “He was so sick he couldn’t tell me.†* * *
  3. I understand that most of it is true.
  4. The country boy who had “made good†in New York in the Hotel business asked his old mother to come to the metropolis. He gave the old lady the best room in the hotel – one with a private bath adjoining. The next morning the son asked: “Did you have a good night’s rest?†“Well, no, I didn’t,†she replied. “The room was all right, and the bed was pretty. But, I couldn’t sleep very much, for I was afraid someone would want to take a bath, and the only way to it was through my room.†* * *
  5. A truck was moving an uprooted tree. Turning a corner into a residential street, the tree slipped off the truck and hit a parked car. Immediately, a young woman came out of the house nearby and said. “You must explain this to my husband.†The driver assured her that the company would pay for any damages. “It isn’t the money,†she said. “I want a witness when I tell my husband the car was hit by a tree.†* * *
  6. The sergeant was drilling a company of new recruits. They had done everything wrong or out of step, so the sergeant sarcastically yelled, “all right, all right, let’s see if you know your right foot from your left. Raise your right leg and hold it in front of you.†One tired recruit got mixed up and raised his left leg. Looking down the line and seeing two opposite shoes together, the sergeant said, “all right, who is the wise guy who raised both feet?†* * *
  7. Two men were seated in the lobby of a blood donor station in 1942. One was an Eastern tourist; the other an Apache Indian. After staring a few minutes the tourist asked, “Are you a full-blooded Indian?†“Well, no,†replied the Apache thoughtfully, “I’m a pint short.â€
  8. A farmer was standing beside a big pile of stones on one side of the dirt road, and on top of the stones was perched a lantern. A motorist from the city stopped and asked, “Say, Old Man, what’s the light on top of that stone pile for?†“It’s there so you drivers kin see the pile of stones – of course.†“But what’s that pile of stones for?†the motorist insisted. “Can’t you see — you dern fool!†replied the old farmer. “To put the lamp on — of course.†1936 * * *
  9. If you have ever been to Fort Campbell you need to read the following story. It is long but worth your effort. Stockade Annie Was Soldiers' Friend By Charles Waters Not often does a person live to become a legend in his or her own time, but Anna Mabry Barr, better known in Clarksville as "Stockade Annie," had achieved that distinction. Mrs. Barr was a familiar figure in Clarksville and Fort Campbell as she administered to prisoners and soldiers in the jails, hospitals and stockade. She was granted a free run of the stockade and was the only person allowed to talk with prisoners without custodial personnel being present. Her career as "Stockade Annie" began at the age of 66, when she visited a badly burned soldier from the stockade who was at the post hospital. She held his hand all night and spoke soothing words to him as he awaited treatment. The next morning the burned soldier asked, "Where’s that old woman who held my hand and talked to me?" When a nurse called Mrs. Barr in, a legend began. And her reputation continued to grow. At first her access to soldiers was limited, so she went to the commanding general of the post and asked for a pass to the stockade. "I couldn’t have caused more sensation if I had asked for a pass to heaven. There’s no such thing, I was told," she reported to a number of writers who had interviewed her. But she did not take "no" for an answer. Every Sunday for a year she went to the headquarters and asked for a pass. "I always take the direct approach," she said. Persistence paid off, for how long could a general refuse an aristocratic old lady? She was issued the pass, the first of dozens or more that she would be given in her lifetime. Trying to discourage her once, an irate young officer asked, "Just who do you think you are?" "I’m a capital ‘S’ — sovereign citizen and full-fledged taxpayer. If this isn’t my camp and my army, whose is it?" she replied. Her reply was consistent with her character and reputation. Family and friends have recalled that even as a young woman, Anna Mabry usually got her way, and this characteristic over the years helped her earn a reputation as being "eccentric." Some said "crazy", but she was an extremely intelligent person who had published: "My Old Field" and "Vivid Night." She also wrote poetry. Fort Campbell was really home for Anna Mabry Barr because she was born there in 1876, one of 12 children, the sons and daughters of Thomas Laid Hettie and Bettie Dabney Mabry. The family home, known as "Poplar Hill" (or sometimes jokingly as "Populous Hill") had been in the family since 1835 when her great-grandfather David McManus came to Montgomery County and bought 1,356 acres in District 4. One of his daughters, Malinda, married John E. Mabry and they inherited a part of McManus estate. The older members of the family rest in the graveyard just off Mabry Road, up the hill from Boiling Springs Road on the Fort Campbell reservation. Anna was tutored at home until she was 12, when she attended a "real" school. As a young woman, Anna was a popular but headstrong young Southern belle among the affluent group associated with the Mabrys. She met and married Dr. John Christy Barr, a prominent Presbyterian minister. They moved to New Orleans where he served churches for 30 years. They returned to Montgomery County in 1939 and set up residence on a large farm, once a part of the Mabry property. "That's why I am such a sophisticated old lady," she said once to a reporter. "My husband never knew what I was going to dó." And neither did friends and neighbors in 1941 when the survey began on the site of Fort Campbell. The Agricultural Adjustment Act had been passed, but she would have no part in government programs. One day she appeared at the local agricultural office (at that time located in the basement of the Post Office) and demanded to know why, without her consent, the government had taken an aerial photograph of her farm. She was not satisfied with the answer given her. But the real fireworks began in 1941 when it was announced that the government would take her farm as a part of Camp Campbell. She flatly refused to move and went so far as to chase surveyors off with a shotgun. Neighbors, watching the scene, predicted that Mrs. Barr would win. But then her husband died and Mrs. Barr changed her mind. She decided to devote the remainder of her life to serving the young men who would be training at Camp Campbell. And so began her visits to the hospital, where she met soldiers who were sick or in trouble. Then she moved to the stockade to help "her boys." Following Dr. Barr’s death, Mrs. Barr built a log cabin on the highway in front of a bluff about a half mile south of Gate 1. She later moved to Hopkinsville where she said she did not "live." "I live on wheels and just sleep in Hopkinsville," she explained. "I never had any children, but I have the biggest and best family in the world. Some are robbers, some are murderers, some are thieves, and some are victims of unfortunate circumstances. But they are my children," she said. When Anna needed money for her children, she knew how to get it. She went straight to the president of a bank once and told him she needed $200 to buy Bibles for "her boys." The president asked what collateral she could offer to secure the loan. When she told him that she had only the clothes on her back, he hesitated and began to explain regulations under which bankers operated. She stopped him in mid-sentence and said, "Young man, God will see that this loan is repaid." With such eminent security, the banker felt he had no recourse but to grant the loan. He did, and she repaid it on time. Anna Barr did just not talk. She acted and protected her children. She discovered once that seven men from the same unit had been put in the stockade. She talked with them and decided that they had been wrongly imprisoned. She went straight to the commanding general and an investigation proved her correct. The company officer received a reprimand. Commanding generals did not intimidate "Stockade Annie." Once when a new commander was assigned to Fort Campbell he heard that some old lady had a pass to the stockade. He ordered it rescinded. The next day when she learned of his action she demanded to see him. She was told that he general was busy, but Mrs. Barr burst into his office unannounced. The general was holding a meeting, but she was not to be denied. One who was present reported "I’ve never heard a private chewed out like that general was chewed. She really ripped him up." Her pass was renewed. Mrs. Barr’s reputation and influence grew to the point that her wishes carried the weight of commands. She noticed that the fort was flying its honor flag on Lincoln's birthday. She demanded it be flown on Gen. Robert E. Lee's also. And it was. Her reputation grew and she won friends in high placed, including officials at the Pentagon. When she was denied a request (perhaps a demand was more accurate) by a Fort Campbell commander, she would call someone at the Pentagon and soon a message came down from Washington to do whatever she wanted. Stockade Annie even visited the Pentagon because she said she bad a message from God that she was to deliver in person. She traveled by bus (she had a free pass from Greyhound to anywhere she wanted). She sat all day on the steps of the Pentagon and finally gained the interview she was seeking. According to Bill Mabry, Mrs. Barr’s nephew, only one person remained inaccessible to her. That was President Nixon. She was greatly upset by the Vietnam War because her boys were being killed and wounded. In 1969, she took the bus to Washington to let Nixon know just bad she felt. She waited all day, but was told by H.R. Haldeman that the president could not see her: Haldeman promised her that he would deliver her message, but that was not good enough. She took the bus home and, died a few months later. If she had been given enough time, those who knew her felt that she would have worn Nixon down. Mrs. Barr dealt with her boys just as she did with everyone else. She learned army slang so she could communicate more effectively with them. To those in the "hot box," or those who had been put "in cold storage" she spoke firmly but lovingly. "This is where you belong; learn something from it and become a better man," she advised prisoners. "If you are in the hot box, call on Gód...pray hard and he’ll do it, too!" And her boys listened. "I’ve seen times when within an hour, a man who was belligerent and disorderly was turned into butter by Miss Annie," a witness reported. Once "Aunt Anna," as she was sometimes called, was trying to console a soldier who was not responding to treatment. She had sat and held his hands for days before he finally told her he did not want to live because his pilot brother had been killed. She returned, bringing him a present of a poem she had written for him. Soldiers showed their devotion to Miss Annie by giving her mementos which she pinned on the black cape she always wore. By the time of her death, the cape weighed 15 pounds. It was literally covered with rank insignia from private to lieutenant general, unit crests, qualification badges, and patches from units from World War II, Korea and Vietnam. One of her greatest admirers was Gen. William Westmoreland. A Fort Campbell soldier reported that when he arrived in Vietnam and reported to the general, he was asked "How’s Miss Anna?" When she was in her final days at the hospital, the general sent her roses every day. During her last years her health began to fail, partly because she was so engrossed in her mission of teaching Sunday School, preaching, praying and counseling that she would forget to eat and then would end up in the hospital suffering from dehydration. Most of the time a few good meals would revive her and she would go back to her work. Bill Mabry tells of on night when he was called to the hospital. He was told his aunt was dying and would not last the night. "I rushed to the hospital and when I walked into her room, she smiled at me. Having had similar experience with her, I told the nurse she would be all right. The nurse thought I was being callous. Two days later, with the help of some glucose and good food, Anna was back at work with her boys. The army provided a staff car for her visits to the post when she could no longer ride the city bus. Finally, she visited the stockade in a wheelchair. When Anna Barr died, more than 250 people, including the Fort Campbell general, attended her funeral at Trinity Episcopal Church in Clarksville, Men from the 553rd Military Police serving as pallbearers. She was buried in Greenwood Cemetery. Some of her own words weré read during the service: "The world is burning up outside- your boys fill the ditch over which civilization is marching to peace. Are you even listening? 0 comfort the broken-hearted; ease the pain of those who have done their best - given their all". On May 11, 1986, an encasement containing mementos of Mrs. Barr, including her famous cape, was unveiled in the Pratt Museum at Fort Campbell. Maj. Gen. Burton D. Patrick, commander of Fort Campbell, paid tribute to her: "Although we never knew each other, I was quick to recognize that if there was ever a person she should be memorialized in the annals of history about this great post and the men who came here to serve during those days, it was-’Mom’." Today, in the quiet of this place so steeped in history, we are about to do just that and memorialize this sweet, kind, thoughtful and gentle lady who became 'mom' to those sick in the hospital, and who became 'Aunt Anna' when she stood on a small box at the airfield to convey a message of love to our soldiers departing for a far-away place called Vietnam. "Yes, it certainly would have been an honor for me to have known her and to have been able to see that twinkle in her eyes- I/m told gentle, strong and caring, like that of an eagle. So . . .the encasement. . . will serve to remind soldiers of the past, present and future that a giant of a person walked these grounds doing a simple and wonderful thing- helping soldiers." Leaf-Chronicle of Clarksville, Tennessee , May 31, 1992  
  10. “How’s your brother, Willie?†“He’s in the hospital. He hurt hisself.†“Oh, that’s too bad. How did he do it?†“We was playin’ ‘who could lean fartherest out the window’ and he won.†* * *
  11. An observant lad in Brooklyn accompanied his mom to the butcher shop. “Is that turkey you’re wrapping?†he asked. “It’s lamb,â€corrected the butcher. “You don’t see any feathers on it, do you?†“I don’t,†admitted the lad, but added, “I don’t see any wool on it, either.†* * *
  12. A passenger aboard a pleasure boat asked the captain why they had stopped in midstream. “The fog is so thick that we can’t see to proceed up-river,†he replied. “But, captain,†the passenger persisted. “I can see the stars.†“Yes,†he replied, “but unless the boilers blow up, that’s not the way we’re going.†* * *
  13. A man was dining alone in a fancy restaurant and there was a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He had been checking her out since he sat down, but lacked the nerve to talk with her. Suddenly she sneezed, and her glass eye came flying out of its socket towards the man. He quickly reached out, grabbed it out of the air, and handed it back. 'Oh my, I am so sorry,' the woman said, as she popped her eye back in place.. 'Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you.' They enjoyed a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they went to the theatre followed by drinks... They talked, they laughed, she shared her deepest dreams and he shared his. She listened to him with interest. After paying for everything, she asked him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast. They had a wonderful, wonderful time. The next morning, she cooked a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy was amazed. Everything had been so incredible! 'You know,' he said, 'you are the perfect woman.. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?' 'No,' she replies. .. .... 'You just happened to catch my eye.'
  14. Murray Robinson tells about the shopworn prize fighter who kept urging his manager, “Get me a fight with Punchy Platnik. I’ll moider the bum and we’ll be back in the big money. You gotta get me a match with Punchy Platnik!†The manager finally lost his patience and exploded, “You wanna know why I can’t get you Punchy Platnik? So I’ll tell you: YOU’RE Punchy Platnik!†From Bennett Cerf 1960 * * *
  15. After he became Britain’s prime minister in 1940 Sir Winston Churchill, with a view to conserving manpower, ordered film studies to be made of all military operations. Examining films of a typical firing of an artillery piece, Churchill noticed that of the six-man crew assisting in the operation one man merely stood at attention. Inquiry showed the sixth man was there to hold the reins of the horses. Yet artillery pieces had not been horse-drawn since the early days of World War I. * * *
  16. I went to the store the other day to buy a bolt for our front door, for as I told the storekeeper, the governor was coming here. “Aye,: said he, “and the legislature too.†“Then I will take two bolts,†said I. He said that there had been a steady demand for bolts and locks of late, for our protectors were coming. Henry David Thoreau, The Journal, Sept. 8, 1859. * * *
  17. Praised inordinately by a banquet M.C. one evening, Thomas A. Edison acknowledged the encomiums, then added. “Our distinguished chairman was wrong on one point, however. It was God who invented the first talking machine. I only invented a way to shut it off.†* * *
  18. “Your mother has been living with us for 20 years now,†said John, “isn’t it about time she got an apartment of her own?†“My mother?†replied Helen. “I thought she was your mother.†* * * *
  19. A man went to his bank for a loan. He was told he could have it provided he could guess which eye of the manager was a glass one. “The left,†he said correctly – and then explained to the manager that it was the one that looked more sympathetic. * * *
  20. “I’ll give you five dollars if you let me paint you,†said the artist to the grizzled old mountaineer. The man shifted from one leg to the other and scratched his chin. “It’s easy money,†tempted the artist. “Thar ain’t no question about that,†said the mountaineer. “O ’im just wondering ‘ow I’m going to get the paint off afterwards.†* * *
  21. A reformer was conducting her campaign outside a saloon. As one man came out of the door exuding alcohol fumes, she put a hand on his arm and said: “Reflect; if you arrive at the gates of Heaven with your breath reeking of liquor, do you think St. Peter will let you in?†“My good woman,†said the man, “when I go to Heaven I expect to leave my breath behind.†* * *
  22. Slightly the worse for wear, a man was homeward bound from a rather merry party. He consulted his watch. It was 7 p.m. From the taxi window he spotted a clock outside a jewelry shop. It registered 6:55. Then he asked the driver for the time. “Six-fifty,†was the reply. “Turn around fast,†ordered the passenger. “I’m going in the wrong direction!†* * *
  23. The fire chief and his staff were invited to watch a recent fire drill at a government office. When the alarm rang, the 600 employees evacuated the four-story building in little over three minutes. Everyone was pleased until quitting time when the building was cleared in two minutes flat. * * *
  24. A country dame had been put on a rigid diet by her doctor. Shortly thereafter a neighbor dropped in to inquire how she was doing and was amazed to see her eating a large slab of apple pie. “I thought you were on a diet,†the friend exclaimed. “I am,†replied the woman. “But I’ve had my diet, and now I’m having my dinner.†* * *
  25. snowyday

    OMC

    Telephone operators often use certain codes as they talk back and forth to each other in handling long distance calls. For example, an operator will say, “DA,†meaning “doesn’t answer,†or “BY†which means the number is “busy.†One operator in rural Tennessee came up with her own codes. “The number you want is OMC,†she told the operator at the other end of the line. “What’s OMC?†the confused girl asked. “Out milking cows.†1945 * * *
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