Dear Husband/ Dear Ex-Wife

[Sonny]

Dear Husband:

I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good.

I've been a good woman to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for

it.

These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that

you had quit Your job today and that was the last straw. Last week, you

came home and didn't notice that I had gotten my hair and nails done, cooked

your favorite meal and even wore a brand new negligee. You came home

and ate in two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching the game.

You don't tell me you love me anymore, you don't touch me or anything.

Either you're cheating or you don't love me anymore, what ever the case

is,

I'm gone.

Your EX-Wife

P.S. If you're trying to find me, don't. Your BROTHER and I are moving

away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!

Dear Ex-Wife

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true that

you and I have been married for seven years, although a good woman is a

far cry from what you've been. I watch sports so much to try to drown out

your constant nagging. Too bad that doesn't work. I did notice when you cut

off all of your hair last week, the first thing that came to mind was

"You look just like a man!" My mother raised me to not say anything if you

can't say anything nice.

When you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with

MY BROTHER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago. I went to sleep

on you when you had on that new negligee because the price tag was still on

it. I prayed that it was a coincidence that my brother had just borrowed

fifty dollars from me that morning and your negligee was $49.99.

After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out.

So when I discovered that I had hit the lotto for ten million dollars, I

quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica. But when I got home you

were gone. Everything happens for a reason I guess. I hope you have the

filling life you always wanted.

My lawyer said with your letter that you wrote, you won't get a dime

from me. So take care.

Signed Rich As Hell and Free!...

P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this but Carl, my brother was born

Carla. I hope that's not a problem.