Belated Valentine Love Letter from a redneck romantic

[Mt.crewchief]

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To my Sweet Valentine

Collards is green, my dog's name is Blue

And I'm so lucky to have a sweet thang like you.

Yore hair is like cornsilk a-flapping in the breeze.

Softer than Blue's and without all them fleas.

You move like the bass, which excite me in May.

You ain't got no scales but I luv you anyway.

Yo're as satisfy'n as okry jist a-fry'n in the pan.

Yo're as fragrant as "snuff" right out of the can.

You have some'a yore teeth, for which I am proud;

I hold my head high when we're in a crowd.

On special occasions, when you shave under yore arms,

Well, I'm in hawg heaven, and awed by yore charms.

Still them fellers at work, they all want to know,

What I did to deserve such a purdy, young doe.

Like a good roll of duct tape yo're there fer yore man,

To patch up life's troubles and fix what you can.

Yo're as cute as a junebug a-buzzin' overhead.

You ain't mean like those far ants I found in my bed.

Cut from the best cloth like a plaid flannel shirt,

You spark up my life more than a fresh load of dirt.

When you hold me real tight like a padded gunrack,

My life is complete; Ain't nuttin' I lack.

Yore complexion, it's perfection, like the best vinyl sidin'.

Despite all the years, yore age, it keeps hidin'.

Me 'n' you's like a Moon Pie with a RC cold drank,

We go together like a skunk goes with stank.

Some men, they buy chocolate for Valentine's Day;

They git it at Wal-Mart, it's romantic that way.

Some men git roses on that special day

From the cooler at Target. "That's impressive," I say.

Some men buy fine diamonds from a flea market booth.

"Diamonds are forever," they explain, suave and couth.

But for this Ole Cajun, honey, these won't do.

Cause yo’re too special, you sweet thang you.

I got you a gift, without taste nor odor; more useful than diamonds.

IT'S A NEW TROLL'N MOTOR!