snowyday

A well known actor with a caustic wit was having a quarrel with his wife.

After a particularly biting remark, she burst into tears and said: How can

you treat me like this when I’ve given you the seven best years of my life!â€

“Good Heavens,†replied the husband, “were those your best?â€

* * * *

The teacher had recited “The Landing of the Pilgrims.†Then she requested each

pupil to draw from his or her imagination a picture of Plymouth Rock.

Most of them went to work at once, but one little fellow hesitated and at length

raised his hand.

“Well, Willie, what is it?†asked the teacher.

“Please, ma’am, do you want us to draw a hen or a rooster?â€

* * * *

The courtroom reporters who saw Harry Hershfield at the Alger Hiss

trial told of the Vera Stretz murder trial which was covered by Hershfield.

Miss Stretz had shot her Teuton lover, whose body showed five bullet wounds.

She was defended by Samuel Leibowitz and acquitted . . . Her plea was self-defense.

And when, during a recess, the presiding judge, Cornelius Collins, asked the reporters:

“How could a woman shoot five times, and then say it’s self-defense?†. . .

“Maybe,†suggested Hershfield, she was hard of hearing.â€

* * * *

A man walked into a restaurant and left the door open.

A big fat man called out, shut that door, were you brought up in a barn.

The man closed the door, went to a table, sat down and began to cry.

At which the fat man looked uncomfortable and went over to the sorrowful one.

Said he, “I’m sorry, I didn’t intend to hurt your feelings. I just wanted you to

close the door.â€

I’m not crying because you hurt my feelings was the reply, but the fact is,

I was brought up in a barn, and every time I here an ass bray, it makes me feel homesick.

* * * *

Little Sophia was heartbroken when her pet canary died,

and to pacify her, father gave her an empty cigar box, and,

with much ceremony, assisted in burying the box in the garden.

Daddy, whispered Sophia after the funeral was over,

will my dear little birdie go to heaven?

I expect so, replied the father, why?

I was only thinking, murmured the youngster, how cross St. Peter

will be when he opens the box and finds it isn’t cigars after all.

* * * *

The parson was engaged in a small job of home carpentry, and not doing so well.

Presently Willie, the boy next door, came over to watch him.

The parson was pleased and encouraged.

“Willie,†he said, “are you watching to see how I do it?â€

“Naw,†replied Willie. I’m waiting to hear what you say when you mash your thumb.â€

* * *

The class composition was about “Kings.â€

One boy wrote this:

“The most powerful king on earth is Wor-king;

the laziest, Shir-king;

the wittiest, Jo-king;

the quietest, Thin-king;

the thirstiest, Drin-king;

the shyest, Win-king,

and the noisiest, Tal-king.

* * * *

Journeying by night on horse-back, Benjamin Franklin reined his horse

before a small wayside inn and went inside to warm himself. But to his

disappointment and dismay, he found a crowd of inconsiderate loungers

shutting him off from the fire.

“Half a peck of oysters in the shell for my horse,†he called out in a loud voice.

When the astonished inn-keeper went out to obey this startling order, the

entire assemblage—save Franklin—rushed out to see a horse eat oysters.

Soon the people returned and told Franklin that his horse had refused to

consume the bivalves.

“Then,†said Franklin, now settled before the cheerful fire, “bring them to

me and watch me eat them.â€

* * * *

She was pretty and ambitious and had studied the matrimonial problem to a nicety.

“Yes. I suppose, I shall wed eventually.†She said, “but the only kind of masculine

nuisance that will suit me must be tall and dark, with classical features.

He must be brave, yet gentle.

He must be strong—a lion among men, but a knight among women.

That evening a bow-legged, lath-framed chinless youth, wearing flannel baggies and

smoking a cigarette that smelt worse than a burning boot, rattled on the back door

and the girl knocked four tumblers and a cut glass dish off the sideboard in her haste

to let him in.

* * * *

snowyday

“So because of her you gave up drinking and smoking?â€

“Yes.â€

“And you never play billiards or cards?â€

“Exactly.â€

“Then why didn’t you marry her?â€

“Because I was so reformed that I saw I could do much better!â€

* * * *

snowyday

They had just emerged from an air-raid shelter.

Said the girl. “Herbert, you really shouldn’t have kissed me like that,

with all those people around us, even if it was dark.â€

“I didn’t kiss you,†said Herbert looking angrily around the crowd.

“I only wish to know who it was — I’d teach him.â€

“Herbert,†sighed the girl, “you couldn’t teach him anything.â€

* * * *

snowyday

Eastern boy (in Oregon): It makes me sick to hear some of your

idiotic western names. The idea of calling a town “Wagontire!â€

Western boy: “It isn’t a nice name. I agree, and if we ever change

it I will let you know at once.â€

Eastern boy: “I wish you would.â€

Western boy: “Where shall I address you?â€

Eastern boy: At “Horsehead†New York.â€

* * * *

snowyday

An undertaker found a donkey lying dead in his

back yard and went to inform the police.

“What shall I do with it?†he asked the police officer in charge.

“Do with it? Bury it of course,†said the officer, laughing.

“You’re an undertaker aren’t you?â€

“Certainly I am,†replied the undertaker. “But I thought it my

duty to come around and inform the relatives first.â€

* * * *

snowyday

In 1956 all the way to 1959 (when I got out) if you were catght taking a picture of a

C-130 your camera was taken away and the film was destroyed. This is why I love to see

pictures of C-130's. I really appreciate you placing that picture on Herky Birds.

I worked on C-130's from 1956 when we got the first ones until 1959 when we closed

down Ardmore AFB and I don't even remember seeing a plate like that.

But there is a few other things that I don't remember either.

snowyday

A little man came into the office of a psychiatrist:

Little Man (very timidly): I was wondering if you couldn’t split

my personality for me.

Doctor (looking puzzled): Split your personality?

Why would you want that done?

Little Man (with tears tumbling down his cheeks):

Oh, doctor! I’m so lonesome.

* * * *

snowyday

The uniform that I had on was not a 505. It was before 505,s. I think the 505 came out before I got out in 1959. Us short timers were not issued 505's.

snowyday

Standing on the dock, Patrick bade farewell to his son,

who was sailing away to the new world to seek his fortune.

“Michael, my boy,†he admonished, “remember the three bones

and ye’ll get ahead all right.â€

When the young man had departed, a stranger who had overheard

the remark asked Patrick to explain what he meant by the three bones.

“Sure now,†replied the canny Irishman, “and wouldn’t that be the

wishbone, the jawbone and the backbone? It’s the wishbone that

keeps you wanting the good things of life, and it’s the jawbone that

helps you to find out how to go after them, if you’re not too proud to

ask questions, and it’s the backbone that keeps you everlastingly at it

till you get ‘em!â€

* * * *

snowyday

This is the season of weather stories.

Which brings to mind the mighty winds which range the great open

spaces of Oklahoma. Out there the wind blows so hard that the boys

often use it to ride to town on. They stand out in the road and hold

up their big hats like sails, and the next thing they know the breeze

has set them down in front of the courthouse. Sometimes it turns wells

inside out and spills water over seventeen counties.

One day a visitor noticed a log-chain hanging from a limb near a lonely cabin.

He asked the settler what purpose it serves.

“Well, stranger,†the man replied, “when I wake up in the morning I

peek through a crack in the cabin and take a look at that there chain.

If it’s a-hangin’ down, everything is all right. But if the chain is a-stickin’

straight out from that there limb, I figger it’s too windy for me to work.

* * * *

snowyday

Johnny heard in class one morning an explanation of the dogmas of fascism,

communism and nazism, and seemed interested.

“Now, Johnny,†said the teacher, when his explanation had ended.

What would you do with all these isms?â€

“I’d make them into wasms,†was his prompt and wise reply.â€

* * * *

snowyday

I appreciate all yall getting back to me on the Numbering System. It's more complicated than I thought.

Anyway thanks to Casey, Larry & Doppletroop

I was not a crew chief or load master so I didn't need to remember a certain aircraft. I just went to which ever plane I was sent to.

I must have done a top notch job C-130's are still flying and have been for 55 years..

Thanks,

snowyday

OK - I need a little info. Can you tell when a C-130 was made by the number. I am a very old timer. I was stationed at Ardmore AFB in Oklahoma from 1955 till 1959. This C-130 in the commercial #56-0511. Does this mean it was made in 1956? I have assumed that it does for years. Does the -0511 have any significance, like maybe made in the month of May, or is it just a number? I was an Instrument Repairman and worked on 16 different planes in the 773 TCS. Towards the end of my hitch I worked on all the planes in the 773, 772, 774, and 775. This was during the time that Ardmore was being closed and the planes were being sent to Smyrna. I was discharged at Ardmore in 1959. I was just wondering if I might have worked on #56-0511.

snowyday

An easterner wandering through the Arkansas foothills encountered a native

carrying a dead rabbit. He didn’t see any weapon, so he asked,

“What did you kill that rabbit with—a rifle?â€

“Nope,†was the reply.

“A shot-gun?â€

“Nope.â€

“A sling-shot?â€

“Nope.â€

“Then tell me how you got him.†Insisted the Easterner.

“Wal, stranger,†the native replied, “it’s kind of a trade-secret, but I don’t

mind tellin’ ye. We hez run out o’ ammunition, so what we hez done hez

been to paint big black spots on the end o’ the logs hereabouts. When we

wants rabbits we sends the dawgs into the bresh to stir ‘em up. When the

rabbit sees the black spot in the end o’ the log he thinks it’s a hole and makes

fur it. Course there ain’t no hole, and he knocks hisself unconscious. Ain’t

that a cute ideer, stranger?â€

* * * *

snowyday

The traveler in the railway carriage had eaten a large pastry with gusto.

A few moments later he was doubled up with pain, and a sympathetic

fellow-traveler asked if he could help.

“No thanks,†came the reply.

“My wife put some nuts in that pastry and forgot to shell them!â€

“Great Scot!†exclaimed the fellow-traveler, and you can crack them

by just bending your body?â€

* * * *

snowyday

I see your mule has U.S. branded on his hindquarters.

Was he in the Army?

“No, sir, that U.S. don’t stand for ‘Uncle Sam’;

it means ‘Unsafe.’’.

* * * *

snowyday

Daniel Webster was one day calling on ex-President John Adams,

who at the time was failing rapidly in health.

As they were talking on topics of the day, a friend came in and asked

the aged man how he was feeling.

“Adams smiled at the man, and replied: “As a matter of fact. I inhabit a weak,

frail, decayed tenement; battered by the winds and broke in upon by the storms,

and from all I can learn, the landlord does not intend to make repairs.

* * * *

snowyday