Sonny's Funnies
2,951 topics in this forum
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Blonde Joke
by Sonny- 0 replies
- 1.4k views
A blonde walks into the library. She walks up to the counter, SLAMS a book down and screams at the librarian, - "This is the WORST book I've ever read!" "It has NO plot and far too many characters!" The librarian looks up and calmly remarks - "So, you're the one who took our phone book..."
Last reply by Sonny, -
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Blonde Joke
by Sonny- 0 replies
- 1.8k views
Julie, the blonde, was getting pretty desperate for money. She decided to go to the nicer, richer neighborhoods around town and look for odd jobs as a handy woman. The first house she came to, a man answered the door and told Julie,"Yeah, I have a job for you. How would you like to paint the porch?" "Sure that sounds great!" said Julie. "Well, how much do you want me to pay you?" asked the man. "Is fifty bucks all right?" Julie asked. "Yeah, great. You'll find the paint and ladders you'll need in the garage." The man went back into his house to his wife who had been listening. "Fifty bucks! Does she know the porch goes all the way around the house?" a…
Last reply by Sonny, -
Blonde Joke
by Sonny- 1 reply
- 1.5k views
While out one morning in the park, a jogger found a brand new tennis ball, and seeing none around it might belong to, he slipped it into the pocket of his shorts. Later, on his way home, he stopped at the pedestrian crossing, waiting for the lights to change. A Blonde Girl standing next to him eyed the large bulge in his shorts. "What's that ?" she asked, her eyes gleaming with lust. "Tennis ball," came the breathless reply. "Oh," said the Blonde Girl sympathetically, "That must be painful.... I had tennis elbow once."
Last reply by mongo, -
Blonde Joke
by Sonny- 0 replies
- 1.1k views
Bambi, a blonde in her fourth year as a UCLA freshman, sat in her US government class. The professor asked Bambi if she knew what Roe vs. Wade was about. Bambi pondered the question then finally said, "That was the decision George Washington had to make before he crossed the Delaware."
Last reply by Sonny, -
Blonde Joke
by Sonny- 0 replies
- 1.6k views
Last reply by Sonny, -
Blonde Joke
by Sonny- 0 replies
- 682 views
A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?" She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?"
Last reply by Sonny, -
Blonde Joke
by Sonny- 0 replies
- 581 views
A blonde goes into a coffee shop and notices there's a "peel and win" sticker on her coffee cup. So she peels it off and starts screaming, "I've won a motor home! I've won a motor home!" The waitress says, "That's impossible. The biggest prize is a free Lunch.?" But the blonde keeps on screaming, "I've won a motor home! I've won a motor home!" Finally, the manager comes over and says, "Ma'am, I'm sorry, but you're mistaken. You couldn't have possibly won a motor home because we didn't have that as a prize. The blonde says, "No, it's not a mistake. I've won a motor home!" …
Last reply by Sonny, -
Blonde Joke
by Sonny- 0 replies
- 667 views
A blind man enters a Ladies bar by mistake. He finds his way to a barstool and orders a drink. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender: "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?" The bar immediately falls absolutely quiet. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says: "Before you tell that joke, sir, I think it is just fair - giving that you are blind - that you should know five things: 1. The bartender is a blonde girl. 2. The bouncer is a blonde girl. 3. I'm a 6 feet tall, 160 LB. blonde woman with a black belt in Karate. 4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and is a professional weightlifter. 5. The lady to your right is a…
Last reply by Sonny, -
Blonde Joke
by Sonny- 0 replies
- 1k views
She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do. "Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint the porch" he said. "How much will you charge me?" Delighted, the girl quickly responded, "How about $50?" The man agreed and told her that the paint, brushes and everything she would need were in the garage. The man's wife, hearing the conversation, said to her husband, "Does she realize that our porch goes ALL the way around the house?" "That's a bit cynical, isn't it?" he responded. The wife replied, "You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all those dumb blonde jokes." A few hours later the blon…
Last reply by Sonny, -
- 1 reply
- 906 views
A blonde goes to a restaurant, buys a coffee and sits down to drink it. She looks on the side of her cup and finds a peel off prize. She pulls off the tab and yells, 'I WON! I WON! I WON a motor home, I WON a motor home!' The waitress runs over and says, "That's impossible. The biggest prize given away was a mini van!" The not very intelligent young lady replies, "No. I WON A motor home, I WON a motor home!" By this time the manager makes his way over to the table and says, "You couldn't possibly have won a motor homes because we didn't have that as a prize!" Again the not very intelligent young lady says, "No, no mistake, I WON a motor home, I WON a motor home!" The …
Last reply by HercMX, -
- 0 replies
- 1.1k views
Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking........and one blonde says to the other - "Which do you think is farther away..........Florida or the moon? "The other blonde turns and says "Hellooooo, can you see Florida.......????? ****************************************************** A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly. She says, "What's the story?" He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor" She asks, "And, how often do I have to do that?" ***************************************************************** A police officer stops a b…
Last reply by Sonny, -
Blonde Jpke
by Sonny- 0 replies
- 582 views
There's a blond and a brunette in a car. The brunette is driving while the blonde is in the passenger seat. They're going down a steep hill when the brunette realizes that the brakes don't work. The brunette tells the blonde that the brakes don't work and they will drive off the side of the cliff because they failed to stop. The blonde then replies, "Don't worry! There's a stop sign ahead."
Last reply by Sonny, -
- 0 replies
- 795 views
A blonde man is in the bathroom and his wife shouts: "Did you find the shampoo?" He answers, "Yes, but I'm not sure what to do... it's for dry hair, and I've just wet mine." A blonde man spies a letter lying on his doormat. It says on the envelope "DO NOT BEND ." He spends the next 2 hours trying to figure out how to pick it up. A blonde man shouts frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?" asks the Doctor. "No!" he shouts, "this is her husband!"
Last reply by Sonny, -
- 0 replies
- 499 views
A blonde gets an opportunity to fly to a nearby country. She has never been on an airplane anywhere and was very excited and tense. As soon as she boarded the plane, a Boeing747, she started jumping in excitement, running over seat to seat and starts shouting, "BOEING! BOEING!! BOEING!!! BO....." She sort of forgets where she is, even the pilot in the cock-pit hears the noise. Annoyed by the goings on, the Pilot comes out and shouts "Be silent!" There was pin-drop silence everywhere and everybody is looking at the blonde and the angry Pilot. She stared at the pilot in silence for a moment, concentrated really hard, and all of a sudden started shouting, "OEING! OEING…
Last reply by Sonny, -
- 1 reply
- 1.5k views
A blonde with a big chest... well, she was carrying a big styrofoam chest, back to the grocery store where she had purchased it earlier in the day. She stormed up to the customer service desk and demanded to see the manager. Looking at her chest, the manager asked the blonde what was wrong. She said that she had purchased this chest because the sign on it said that it keeps hot food hot and cold food cold. The manager said that was correct because she had a very well insulated chest. The blonde demamded a refund, saying the chest doesn't work, because she bought a hot rotisserie chicken and a gallon of ice cream, put them in it, and when she got home, the ice cream …
Last reply by gizzard, -
- 0 replies
- 886 views
Two men were seated in the lobby of a blood donor station in 1942. One was an Eastern tourist; the other an Apache Indian. After staring a few minutes the tourist asked, “Are you a full-blooded Indian?†“Well, no,†replied the Apache thoughtfully, “I’m a pint short.â€
Last reply by snowyday, -
Blood Lines
by Sonny- 0 replies
- 1k views
On a train from London to Manchester, an American was telling off the Englishman sitting across from him in the compartment. "You English are too stuffy. You set yourselves apart too much. Look at me... in me, I have Italian blood, French blood, a little Indian blood, and some Swedish blood. What do you say to that?" The Englishman said, "Very sporting of your mother."
Last reply by Sonny, -
Blood Lines
by Sonny- 0 replies
- 771 views
On a train from London to Manchester, an American was telling off the Englishman sitting across from him in the compartment. "You English are too stuffy. You set yourselves apart too much. Look at me... in me, I have Italian blood, French blood, a little Indian blood, and some Swedish blood. What do you say to that?" The Englishman said, "Very sporting of your mother."
Last reply by Sonny, -
Boat Wreck
by Sonny- 0 replies
- 596 views
Morty and Saul, are out one afternoon on a lake when their boat starts sinking. Saul the banker says to Morty, "So listen, Morty, you know I don't swim so well." Morty remembered how to carry another swimmer from his lifeguard class when he was just a kid. So Morty is begins tugging Saul toward shore. After twenty minutes, he begins to tire. Finally about 50 feet from shore, Morty asks Saul, "So Saul, do you suppose you could float alone?" Saul replies, "Morty, this is a heck of a time to be asking for money!"
Last reply by Sonny, -
Bob, a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower, shows up at the Country Club with a breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy 25-year-old blonde-haired woman who knocks everyone's socks off with her youthful sex appeal and charm and who hangs over Bob's arm and listens intently to his every word. His buddies at the club are all aghast. At the very first chance, they corner him and ask, 'Bob, how'd you get the trophy girlfriend?' Bob replies, 'Girlfriend? She's my wife!' They are knocked over, but conti…
Last reply by Sonny, -
- 0 replies
- 885 views
The chef was giving an assistant the bawling out of his life for an error. He shouted: “Didn’t I tell you to notice when the soup boiled over?†The poor fellow held up a hand in defense and said: “I did! I did!! It was half-past ten.†* * * *
Last reply by snowyday, -
- 0 replies
- 892 views
A man walked into a restaurant and left the door open. A big fat man called out, shut that door, were you brought up in a barn. The man closed the door, went to a table, sat down and began to cry. At which the fat man looked uncomfortable and went over to the sorrowful one. Said he, “I’m sorry, I didn’t intend to hurt your feelings. I just wanted you to close the door.†I’m not crying because you hurt my feelings was the reply, but the fact is, I was brought up in a barn, and every time I here an ass bray, it makes me feel homesick. * * * *
Last reply by snowyday, -
- 0 replies
- 785 views
Some boy scouts from the city were on a camping trip. The mosquitoes were so fierce, the boys had to hide under their blankets to avoid being bitten. Then one of them saw some lightning bugs and said to his friend, "We might as well give up. They're coming after us with flashlights".
Last reply by Sonny, -
Father: What do you see in that boyfriend of yours? Teen daughter: Well... he’s reliable. Father: He’s always late picking you up! Teen daughter: I know and I can always count on it. Remember when you had to sit in the front room with my dates until I was ready? Father: Now that you mention it, I’m beginning to like this guy!
Last reply by Sonny, -
- 0 replies
- 605 views
Brain Cramps: Question: If you could live forever, would you and why? Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever," -- Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest. "Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff." --Mariah Carey "Smoking kills. If yo…
Last reply by Sonny,
