Dad Jokes

Sonny · February 6, 2020

Dad Jokes:

I dreamed about drowning in an ocean made out of orange soda last night. It took me a while to work out it was just a Fanta sea.

Without geometry life is pointless.

A termite walks into a bar and asks “Is the bar tender here?”

I gave all my dead batteries away today… Free of charge.

I needed a password eight characters long so I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.

I am terrified of elevators. I’m going to start taking steps to avoid them.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

A red and a blue ship have just collided in the Caribbean. Apparently, the survivors are marooned.

Last night me and my girlfriend watched three DVDs back to back. Luckily I was the one facing the TV.

Q: What did daddy spider say to baby spider? A: You spend too much time on the web.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What do you call a group of killer whales playing instruments? An Orca-stra.

Why was the big cat disqualified from the race? Because it was a cheetah.

Just watched a documentary about beavers… It was the best damn program I’ve ever seen.

Breaking news! Energizer Bunny arrested – charged with battery

“How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.”

A Sandwich walks into a bar, the bartender says “Sorry, we don’t serve food here”

I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

Slept like a log last night … woke up in the fireplace.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

A police officer caught two kids playing with a firework and a car battery. He charged one and let the other one off.

I’m reading a book on the history of glue – can’t put it down.

Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It’s fine, he woke up.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

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