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Dad Jokes


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Dad Jokes:
I dreamed about drowning in an ocean made out of orange soda last night. It took me a while to work out it was just a Fanta sea.
Without geometry life is pointless.
A termite walks into a bar and asks “Is the bar tender here?”
I gave all my dead batteries away today… Free of charge.
I needed a password eight characters long so I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.
I am terrified of elevators. I’m going to start taking steps to avoid them.
Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.
A red and a blue ship have just collided in the Caribbean. Apparently, the survivors are marooned.
Last night me and my girlfriend watched three DVDs back to back. Luckily I was the one facing the TV.
Q: What did daddy spider say to baby spider? A: You spend too much time on the web.
How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.
What do you call a group of killer whales playing instruments? An Orca-stra.
Why was the big cat disqualified from the race? Because it was a cheetah.
Just watched a documentary about beavers… It was the best damn program I’ve ever seen.
Breaking news! Energizer Bunny arrested – charged with battery
“How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.”
A Sandwich walks into a bar, the bartender says “Sorry, we don’t serve food here”
I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already.
There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
Slept like a log last night … woke up in the fireplace.
What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.
A police officer caught two kids playing with a firework and a car battery. He charged one and let the other one off.
I’m reading a book on the history of glue – can’t put it down.
Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It’s fine, he woke up.
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.
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