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Sonny

Dad Jokes

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Dad Jokes:
 
I dreamed about drowning in an ocean made out of orange soda last night. It took me a while to work out it was just a Fanta sea.
 
Without geometry life is pointless.
 
A termite walks into a bar and asks “Is the bar tender here?”
 
I gave all my dead batteries away today… Free of charge.
 
I needed a password eight characters long so I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.
 
I am terrified of elevators. I’m going to start taking steps to avoid them.
 
Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.
 
A red and a blue ship have just collided in the Caribbean. Apparently, the survivors are marooned.
 
Last night me and my girlfriend watched three DVDs back to back. Luckily I was the one facing the TV.
 
Q: What did daddy spider say to baby spider? A: You spend too much time on the web.
 
How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.
 
What do you call a group of killer whales playing instruments? An Orca-stra.
 
Why was the big cat disqualified from the race? Because it was a cheetah.
 
Just watched a documentary about beavers… It was the best damn program I’ve ever seen.
 
Breaking news! Energizer Bunny arrested – charged with battery
 
“How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.”
 
A Sandwich walks into a bar, the bartender says “Sorry, we don’t serve food here”
 
I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already.
 
There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.
 
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
 
Slept like a log last night … woke up in the fireplace.
 
What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.
 
A police officer caught two kids playing with a firework and a car battery. He charged one and let the other one off.
 
I’m reading a book on the history of glue – can’t put it down.
 
Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? It’s fine, he woke up.
 
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
 
What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

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