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One Liners


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When your only tool is a hammer, all problems start looking like nails.
Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
The last thing I want to do is insult you. But it IS on the list.
I don't have a solution, but I do admire the problem.
The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.
Letting the cat out of the bag is a whole lot easier than putting it back in.
Well, here I am! What are your other two wishes?
Red meat is not bad for you. Fuzzy green meat is bad for you.
The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
Isn't it scary that doctors call what they do "practice"?
The problem with sex in the movies is, that the popcorn usually spills.
If I want your opinion, I'll ask you to fill out the necessary forms.
Living on Earth is expensive, but it does include a free trip around the sun.
Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular it remains?
All power corrupts. Absolute power is pretty neat, though.
Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
Everybody repeat after me: "We are all individuals."
Confession is good for the soul, but bad for your career.
A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
I want patience - AND I WANT IT NOW!!!!
A day for firm decisions! Or is it?
Am I ambivalent? Well, yes and no.
Bombs don't kill people, explosions kill people.
Bureaucrats cut red tape, lengthwise.
Help stamp out, eliminate and abolish redundancy!
How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise MY hand!
A dog has an owner. A cat has a staff.
Every organization is perfectly designed to get the results they are getting.
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