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One Liners


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When I tell friends that I dream in color; they say it's just a pigment of my imagination.
There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count and those who can't.
Don't use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice.
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
Help Wanted: Telepath; you know where to apply.
Look out for #1, and don't step in #2, either.
Department of Redundancy Department
"If the shoe fits, buy it." - Imelda Marcos
It's sad how whole families are torn apart by simple things, like wild dogs.
Karaoke is Japanese for "tone deaf".
A day for firm decisions! Or is it?
A day without radiation is a day without sunshine.
A seminar on time travel will be held two weeks ago.
Alzheimer's advantage: New friends every day.
An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys.
An unemployed court jester is no one's fool.
Any closet is a walk-in closet if you try hard enough.
As I said before, I never repeat myself
As long as I can remember, I've had amnesia.
Bigamy: one wife too many. Monogamy: same thing
Bombs don't kill people, explosions kill people.
Bureaucrats cut red tape, lengthwise.
Circular Definition: see Definition, Circular.
Clairvoyants meeting canceled due to unforeseen events.
Clones are people two.
Cole's Law: Thinly sliced cabbage.
Confucius say: Those who quote me are fools.
Did you hear? They took the word gullible out of the dictionary!
Do not put statements in the negative form.
Doesn't expecting the unexpected make the unexpected become the expected?
Don't be a sexist, broads hate that.
If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
Friction can be a drag sometimes.
He's a graduate of The Uncle Fester and Keith Moon School of hair styling.
Have you seen Quasimodo? I have a hunch he's back!
Help stamp out, eliminate and abolish redundancy!
Honk if you love peace and quiet.
How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise MY hand!
Hypochondria is the only disease I haven't got.
I'd like to leave this world like I came into it; screaming, naked and covered in someone else's blood.
I couldn't care less about apathy.
Drilling for oil is boring
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