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Give me coffee and no one gets hurt.

Don't wash this vehicle - Undergoing scientific dirt test

Cover me. I'm changing lanes.

Keep honking, I'm reloading

He who laughs last thinks slowest

Is reading in the bathroom considered Multi-Tasking?

You must be from the shallow end of the gene pool.

I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

You're Just Jealous Because The Voices Are Talking To Me

Jesus is coming, everyone look busy

I Refuse To Have A Battle Of Wits With An Unarmed Person

The Earth Is Full - Go Home

As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools

My kid had sex with your honor student.

Your kid may be an honor student but you're still an IDIOT!

I is a college student

I souport publik edekasion

If you think education is expensive, Try ignorance

Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot.

You! Out Of The Gene Pool!

The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

Beer - Helping ugly people have sex since 1765

BEER: It's not just for breakfast anymore.

Why drink and drive, when you can smoke and fly.

Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.

Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

If at first you do succeed, try not to look astonished.

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps.

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

Never get into an argument with the schizophrenic person and say, "Just who do you think you are?"

When she told me I was average, I figured she was just being mean.

STUPIDITY should be Painful

This Would Be Really Funny If It Weren't Happening To Me

Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult

Jesus loves you... everyone else thinks you're an ass.

Atheism is a non-profit organization.

The Face Is Familiar But I Can't Quite Remember My Name

I Do Whatever My Rice Krispies Tell Me To

It's Been Lovely But I Have To Scream Now

I Haven't Lost My Mind, It's Backed Up On Disk Somewhere

A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.

Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.

I killed a 6-pack just to watch it die.

I said "no" to drugs, but they just wouldn't listen.

Protected by .357 Magnum 3 days a week. You guess which 3

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