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Q. What's the difference between a man and E.T.?

A. E.T. phoned home.

Q. How do men get exercise at the beach?

A. By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.

Q. What's a man's idea of helping with the housework?

A. Lifting his legs so you can vacuum.

Q. Why are all dumb blond jokes one liners?

A. So men can understand them.

Q. How do women define a 50/50 relationship?

A. We cook/they eat; We clean/they dirty; We iron/ they wrinkle.

Q. What is the difference between government bonds and men?

A. Government bonds mature.

Q. How are men like noodles?

A. They are always in hot water, they lack taste, and they need dough.

Q. Why is psychoanalysis a lot quicker for men than for women?

A. When it's time to go back to his childhood, he's already there.

Q. Why is it good that there are female astronauts?

A. When the crew gets lost in space at least the women will ask for directions.

Q. What does a man consider to be a seven course meal?

A. A hot dog and a six pack.

Q. What's the best way to force a man to do sit ups?

A. Put the remote control between his toes.

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