Label Instructions

[Sonny]

In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.

On a Sears hairdryer --

Do not use while sleeping.

(That's the only time I have to work on my hair.)

On a bag of Fritos --

You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.

(the shoplifter special?)

On a bar of Dial soap --

"Directions: Use like regular soap."

(and that would be???....)

On some Swanson frozen dinners --

"Serving suggestion: Defrost."

(but, it's just a suggestion.)

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom) --

"Do not turn upside down."

(well...duh, a bit late, huh!)

On Marks &Spencer Bread Pudding --

"Product will be hot after heating."

(...and you thought????...)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron --

"Do not iron clothes on body."

(but wouldn't this save me time?)

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine --

"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."

(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could

just get those 5 year-olds with head-colds off those bulldozers.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid --

"Warning: May cause drowsiness."

(...I'm taking this because???....)

On most brands of Christmas lights --

"For indoor or outdoor use only."

(as opposed to what?)

On a Japanese food processor --

"Not to be used for the other use."

(now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts --

"Warning: contains nuts."

(talk about a news flash)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts --

"Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."

(Step 3: say what?)

On a child's Superman costume --

"Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."

(I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)

On a Swedish chainsaw --

"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."

(Oh my God..was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)