LAWS FOR ENGINEERS (self.Jokes) submitted 1 day ago by The_Real_Catseye Engineering

[Sonny]

LAWS FOR ENGINEERS

Engineering is a science that runs on the laws of physics. We have all studied these laws in our formal education. There are other laws that are equally powerful, however. These are found through experience in the classroom of applied technology. Here is a summary of the laws of physics for your entertainment. The authors are unknown (or perhaps wish to remain unknown). We thank them for their insight into real-world broadcasting.

GRUNDMAN'S LAW -- Under the most carefully controlled conditions of pressure, temperature, humidity and other variables, the system will perform as it damn well pleases.

KNIGHT'S LAW -- A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the pants.

HIDLEY'S LAW -- Nothing is impossible for a man who doesn't have to do the work.

DUNCAN'S LAW -- When in doubt, mumble.

EVAN'S LAW -- Every man has a scheme that will not work.

HULKO'S LAW -- A theory is better than its explanation.

STORYK'S LAW -- The amount of work done varies inversely with the amount of time spent in the office.

WORAM'S LAW -- Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.

NORDAHL'S LAW -- Everything goes wrong at once.

EMERMAN'S LAW -- In a crisis that forces a choice to be made among alternative courses of action, people tend to choose the worst possible course.

TARSIA'S LAW -- The obvious answer is always overlooked.

SNODDY'S LAW -- It works better if you plug it in.

HARRISON'S LAW -- There is always an easy answer to every problem-- neat, plausible, and wrong.

MEADOW'S LAW -- It won't work.

WESTLAKE'S LAW -- The first 90 percent of the project takes 90 percent of the time, and the last 10 percent takes the other 90 percent.

HARNED'S LAW -- Once you open a can of worms, the only way to recan them is to use a larger can.

SCHNEE'S LAW -- Anything that begins well will end badly. (Note: The converse of this law is not true.)

STONE'S LAW -- Necessity is the mother of strange bedfellows.

GOLDEN'S LAW -- A man with one watch knows what time it is. A man with two watches is never sure.

PERRY'S LAW -- If the facts do not conform to the theory, they must be disposed of.

GARAY'S LAW -- An object will fall so as to do the most damage.

KELSEY'S LAW -- Make three correct guesses consecutively and you will establish yourself as an expert.

LIGHTNER'S LAW -- If it happens, it must be possible.

GUY'S LAW -- The probability of a given event occurring is inversely proportional to its desirability.

MOYSSIADIS' LAW -- As soon as you mention something, if it's good, it goes away; if it's bad, it happens.

CAPPS' LAW -- If it can find a way to wear out faster, it will.

LIPPELL'S LAW -- If a research project is not worth doing, it is not worth doing well.

NEUMANN'S LAW -- Whoever has the gold makes the rules.

CALBI'S LAW -- Nothing is as easy as it looks.

MARINO'S LAW -- Everything takes longer than you think it will.

TODRANK'S LAW -- There are two types of people: those who divide people into two types, and those who do not.

BROSIOUS' LAW -- The components you have will expand to fill the available space.

INGOLDSBY'S LAW -- You cannot determine beforehand which side of the bread to butter.

MERTEN'S LAW -- The more time you spend in reporting on what you are doing, the less time you have to do anything. Stability is achieved when you spend all your time reporting on the nothing you are doing.

ZENTZ'S LAW -- Inside every large problem is a small problem struggling to get out.

LUDWIG'S LAW -- The other line moves faster.

DOZIER'S LAW -- Negative expectations yield negative results. Positive expectations yield negative results. ** RETTINGER'S LAW** -- Nothing is ever a complete failure; it can always serve as a bad example.

RICKER'S LAW -- Experiments should be reproducible. They should all fail the same way.

BODEN'S LAW -- If an experiment works, you must be using the wrong equipment.

HANSCH'S LAW -- Work expands to fill the time available for its completion.

EBERLE'S LAWS -- 1. Once a job is fouled up, anything done to improve it makes it worse. 2. No matter what results are expected, someone is always willing to fake it. 3. No matter what occurs, someone believes it happened according to his pet theory. 4. No matter what the result, someone is always eager to misinterpret it.

FULGINITI'S LAW -- In a hierarchical organization, the higher the level, the greater the confusion.

SAX'S LAW -- All laws are basically false.