How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?

[Sonny]

How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?

WHEREAS, the party of the first part, also known as "Lawyer", and the

party of the second part, also known as "Light Bulb", do hereby and forthwith

agree to a transaction wherein the party of the second part (Light Bulb) shall

be removed from the current position as a result of failure to perform

previously agreed upon duties, i.e., the lighting, elucidation, and otherwise

illumination of the area ranging from the front (North) door, through the

entryway, terminating at an area just inside the primary living area, demarcated

by the beginning of the carpet, any spillover illumination being at the option

of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and not required by the

aforementioned agreement between the parties. The aforementioned removal

transaction shall include, but not be limited to, the following steps:

Section 1. The party of the first part (Lawyer) shall, with or without

elevation at his option, by means of a chair, stepstool, ladder or any other

means of elevation, grasp the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and rotate

the party of the second part (Light Bulb) in a counter clockwise direction, this

point being non-negotiable.

Section 2. Upon reaching a point where the party of the second part (Light

Bulb) becomes separated from the party of the third part ("Receptacle"), the

party of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of disposing of the party

of the second part (Light Bulb) in a manner consistent with all applicable

federal, state and local statutes.

Section 3. Once separation and disposal have been achieved, the party of

the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of beginning installation of the

party of the fourth part ("New Light Bulb"). This installation shall occur in a

manner consistent with the reverse of the procedures described in step Section 1

of this self-same document, being careful to note that the rotation should occur

in a clockwise direction, this point also being non-negotiable.

Note: The above described steps may be performed, at the option of the

party of the first part (Lawyer), by any or all persons authorized by him, the

objective being to produce the most possible revenue for the party of the fifth

part, also known as the "Partnershipâ€.