Business one-liners 36. 37 & 38

[Sonny]

Business one-liners 36. 37 & 38:

 

The bigger they are, the harder they hit.

 

The book you spent $20.95 for today will come out in paperback tomorrow.

 

The business plan you prepare must be a lie; but it must be a detailed and precise lie rather than a vague and general lie.

 

The business world worships mediocrity. Officially, we revere free enterprise, initiative, and individuality. Unofficially, we fear it.

 

The careful application of terror is also a form of communication.

 

The chance of forgetting something is directly proportional to...to...uhh...

 

The chance of a piece of bread falling with the buttered side down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.

 

The chaos in the universe always increases.

 

The chief cause of problems is solutions.

 

The colder the X-ray table, the more of your body is required on it.

 

Business one-liners 37:

The crucial memorandum will be snared in the out-basket.

 

The deadline is one week after the original deadline.

 

The deficiency will never show itself during the test run.

 

The dictionary is the only place where success comes before work.

 

The difference between a stepping stone and a stumbling block can be when you see it.

 

The difference between art and science is that if something works in art, you don't have to explain why.

 

The difficulty with a research grant is that if you solve the problem, you're out of a job.

 

The early bird who catches the worm usually works for someone who comes in late and owns the worm farm.

 

The early worm deserves the bird.

 

The easier it is to do, the harder it is to change.

 

Business one-liners 38:

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

 

The elevator always comes after you have put down your bag.

 

The explanation of a disaster will be made by a stand-in.

 

The factory of the future will have only two employees, a man and a dog. The man will be there to feed the dog. The dog will be there to keep the man from touching the equipment.

 

The facts, although interesting, are irrelevant.

 

The farther away the future is, the better it looks.

 

The faster the plane, the narrower the seats.

 

The first 90 percent of the task takes 90 percent of the time, the last 10 percent takes the other 90 percent.

 

The first myth of management is that it exists; the second myth of management is that success equals skill.

 

The first rule of intelligent tinkering is to save all of the parts.