Sonny

Due to the climate of political correctness now pervading America ,Kentuckians, Tennesseans, OKies, Texans, and West Virginians will no longer be referred to as 'HILLBILLIES.'

You must now refer to them as APPALACHIAN-AMERICANS .

And furthermore

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1. She is not a 'BABE' or a 'CHICK' - She is a

' BREASTED AMERICAN.'

2. She is not ' EASY ' - She is

'HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE.'

3. She is not a 'DUMB BLONDE' - She is a

'LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY.'

4. She has not 'BEEN AROUND' - She is a

'PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED COMPANION.'

5. She does not 'NAG' you - She becomes

' VERBALLY REPETITIVE.'

6. She is not a 'TWO- BIT HOOKER' - She is a

' LOW COST PROVIDER.'

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:

1. He does not have a ' BEER GUT' - He has developed a

'LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY.'

2. He is not a 'BAD DANCER' - He is

' OVERLY CAUCASIAN .'

3. He does not ' GET LOST ALL THE TIME' - He

' INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS.'

4. He is not 'BALDING' - He is in

'FOLLICLE REGRESSION.'

5. He does not act like a 'TOTAL ASS' - He develops a case of

RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION.'

(Loved this one!)

6. It's not his 'Butt Crack' you see hanging out of his pants - It's

'REAR CLEAVAGE.'

Mission: Go to GAP, Buy a Pair of Jeans

Just got an email from my sister who lives in Richmond, Va they had an earthquake down there not long ago, Yeah an earthquake, bet they felt it at dear old Langley Airplane Patch. Maybe if you have any relatives, etc in that area you might want to check on them

Giz

Giz,

It rocked here in Hyattsville, MD. Of course, I'm only about 4 miles from Washington, DC. Surprised you didn't feel it.

Sonny

I just want to thank all of you for your educational emails over the past year.

Thanks to you, I no longer open a public bathroom door without using a paper towel.

I can't use the remote in a hotel room because I don't know what the last person was doing while flipping through the channels.

I can't sit down on the hotel bedspread because I can only imagine what has happened on it since it was last washed.

I can't enjoy lemon slices in my tea or on my seafood anymore because lemon peels have been found to contain all kinds of nasty germs including feces.

I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving because the number one pastime while driving alone is picking your nose.

Eating a Little Debbie sends me on a guilt trip because I can only imagine how many gallons of trans fats I've consumed over the years.

I can't touch any woman's purse for fear she has placed it on the floor of a public bathroom.

I must send my special thanks to whoever sent me the one about poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing.

Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.

I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program .

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St.Theresa's novena has granted my every wish.

I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer can buy gasoline without taking someone along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I' m pumping gas.

I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put 'Under God' on their cans.

I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.

And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face...disfiguring me for life.

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.

I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our American troops or the Salvation Army.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for or which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda , Singapore and Uzbekistan .

I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman-Marcus since I now have their recipe.

Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my butt.

And thanks to your great advice, I can't ever pick up $5.00 dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a rapist waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in

the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on

your head at 5:00 PM this afternoon and the fleas from 12

camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy

hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to

a friend of my next door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's

second husband's cousin's beautician..

Last time I laid on the floor it took 3 people to get me up.

Is that anything like that menage a trois I heard about?

Sonny, you just described me!!!

Well, you know what they (whoever "they" is) say, you write about what you know. So............

You Know You're Getting Old When...

You're asleep, but others worry that you're dead.

You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.

You can live without sex, but not without glasses.

Your back goes out more than you do.

You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.

You buy a compass for the dash of your car.

You are proud of your lawn mower.

Your best friend is dating someone half their age... And isn't breaking any laws.

Your arms are almost too short to read the newspaper.

You sing along with the elevator music.

You would rather go to work than stay home sick.

You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.

You consider coffee one of the most important things in life.

You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

People call at 9 pm. And ask, "Did I wake you?"

You answer a question with "Because I said so!"

You send money to PBS.

The end of your tie doesn't come anywhere near the top of your pants.

You take a metal detector to the beach.

You wear black socks with sandals.

You know what the word equity means.

You can't remember the last time you laid on the floor to watch television.

Your ears are hairier than your head.

You talk about "good grass" and you're referring to someone's lawn.

You get into a heated argument about pension plans.

You got cable for the weather channel.

You can go bowling without drinking.

Sam,

I think it was C-130E 62-1838. It crashed in '95 near Bliss, Idaho.

Sonny

Please join me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment community. The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and trauma complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71.

Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch. The grave site was piled high with flours.

Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly described Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded.

Born and bread in Minnesota , Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half- baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times, he still was a crusty old man and was considered a positive roll model for millions.

Doughboy is survived by his wife Play Dough, three children: John Dough, Jane Dough and Dosey Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop Tart.

The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.

ALL PUNS INTENDED

1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony

wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

2 .A cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, 'I'll serve you,

but don't start anything.'

3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.

4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm, and says:

'A beer please, and one for the road.'

6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: 'Does this

taste funny to you?'

7. 'Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.' 'That

sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome.' 'Is it common?

' Well, 'It's Not Unusual.'

8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to

Dolly, 'I was artificially inseminated this morning.' 'I don't believe you,'

says Dolly. 'It's true; no bull!' exclaims Daisy.

9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to

look at either.

10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn't

find any.

12. I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.

13. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

14. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and

says, 'Dam!'

15. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the

craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your

kayak and heat it too.

16. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel, and were standing

in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an

hour, the manager came out of the office, and asked them to disperse. 'But

why,' they asked, as they moved off. 'Because,' he said, 'I can't stand

chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer.'

17. A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes

to a family in Egypt , and is named 'Ahmal.' The other goes to a family in

Spain and is named 'Juan.' Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his

birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she

wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, They're

twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal.'

Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, "How old was your husband?" "98," she replied. "Two years older than me." "So you're 96," the undertaker commented. She responded, "Hardly worth going home, is it?

Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: "And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked. She simply replied, "No peer pressure."

The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter eggs .

I've sure gotten old! I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees Fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends. But, thank God, I still have my driver's license.

I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.

An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her preacher she had two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart. "Wal-Mart?" the preacher exclaimed. "Why Wal-Mart?" "Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week "

My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.

Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.

It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffeemaker.

These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, "For fast relief."

Remember: You don't stop laughing because you grow old, You grow old because you stop laughing.

--- THE SENILITY PRAYER : Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.

donwon,

Can't speak about 533 in '65. I became her Crew Chief in Jan. 1968. She was already a black bottom flareship.

Sonny

Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch AND you'll have to go to the bathroom.

Law of Gravity: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

Law of Probability: The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity

of your act.

Law of Random Numbers: If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always

answers.

Law of the Alibi: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the

very next morning you will have a flat tire.

Variation Law: If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move

faster than the one you are in now (works every time).

Law of the Bath: When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

Law of Close Encounters: The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when

you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

Law of the Result: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

Law of Biomechanics: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

Law of the Theater: At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.

The Starbucks Law: As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do

something which will last until the coffee is cold.

Murphy's Law of Lockers: If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent

lockers.

Law of Physical Surfaces: The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor

covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet.

Law of Logical Argument: Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

Brown's Law of Physical Appearance: If the shoe fits, it's ugly.

Oliver's Law of Public Speaking: A closed mouth gathers no feet.

Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy: As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

Doctor's Law: If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor. By the time

you get there you'll feel better. Don't make an appointment and you'll stay sick.

1. A day without sunshine is like night.

2. On the other hand, you have different fingers.

3. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

4. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

5. Remember, half the people you know are below average.

6. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

7. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

8. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the

cheese in the trap.

9. Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.

10. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

11. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.

12. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.

13. OK, so what's the speed of dark?

14. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

15. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

16. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?

17. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

20. What happens if you get scared half to death, twice?

21. Why do psychics have to ask you your name?

22. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering, 'What

the heck happened?'

23. Just remember -- if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off.

24. Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear

bright until you hear them speak.

25. Life isn't like a box of chocolates. It's more like a jar of

jalapenos. What you do today, might burn your butt tomorrow.

Found a picture of 533 in the hanger at Tachi, March 1968

Sonny

The only time I was at Tachi was when I had to take 56-0533 there to have the ECM equipment installed.

Sonny

Tusker,

If the .jpg I posted is not what you are looking for, try this:

Purchasing Air Force Badges and Wings

If you wish to buy squadron badges, trade wings, or all manner of miscellany, please contact:

Curator

National Air Force Museum of Canada

CFB Trenton, P.O. Box 1000 Station. Forces

Astra, Ontario K0K 3W0

Phone: (613) 965-2140

Fax: (613) 965-7352

You may also write directly to a Squadron at 8 Wing to acquire squadron patches, t-shirts, or ball-caps.

Hope this helps you in your quest,

Sonny

Tusker,

Is this what you are looking for?

Sonny

Hey Ken,

Look what I found. Thanks to Steen Lunde, he sent it to me since I was the Crew Chief on 533.

Sonny

Sonny, thanks for clarifying what the form numbers were! The 781's I was most concerned with were the daily ones that I think were pretty plain and white in color. They had a place for the Julian Date, the discrepancy, of course the status or severity of the discrepancy, (the diagonal such as the BPO and Preflight and non-grounding things. and of course the Red X which was a grounding discrepancy such as brakes,tires etc. etc.) Then the bottom half of the action taken or something like that and then of course who signed it off! I do remember that an ongoing discrepancy that required a part or whatever was carried fwd. to the 781K when we got back to home base--usually during de-briefing. The 781K was a cardboard sheet in the back of the forms and was yellow. Does that sound right to you??Ken

Ken,

That does sound right to me. I believe all the information you are talking about was found on the 781 and 781A. As far as the 781 K being cardboard or yellow. I really don't remember so you could be right.

Sonny

Donwon and Sonny those forms for taking time was the AFTO Form 210, 211, and 212. The 210 was used on a daily basis to show job completion and how long it took to do it. 211 and 212 was for other stuff such as TCTO's. They had how mal code, ie 070 broke,( my favorite) Bill

Bill,

Thanks, I remember those form numbers now. Just needed a memory jogger. It still seems to me we didn't have to account for time until mid 1968. I only had to do it for a couple of months. Thanks again,

Sonny

By the way Sonny, the 781 A that you enclosed is a little more elaborate than the old ones, but most of the blanks and info needed look familiar!

Ken,

It was the only one I could find on the net. It is different than the ones I remember too, but had all the info. I assumed (there is that word again) it was a newer version.

Sonny

Thanks, Sonny.

If I remember correctly, that post may have been a reply to a request from me a few years ago. I sent an email to that address and got a reply that he would send the pics, but never heard from him again. I'll try that address again. I'll let you know the results.

Don R.

Thanks, I would be interested in seeing the pictures too, if you get them.

Sonny

DC10FE,

Found this on the old Hercules Headquarters Board. Bob left his e-mail as [email protected]. Don't know if it still is a good one but you can sure try.

Sonny

"I was reviewing my photo albums and came across pictures of 64-0550 when she crashed at Naples Italy (1977?). The photographs show the damage to the aircraft and skid marks on the runway. Is anyone interested in the photos? - - Bob "

While at Sewart we had to account for every minute of the day shift in the forms, then turn them in to the bread truck or the line chief.

I had to account for my time reading the TO,s and cleaning the plane.

I was there Sept 63 till June 65.

I don't recall having to account for my time until sometime in mid 1968. Then I had to fill out some kind of time form and give it to the bread truck driver at the end of my shift.

Sonny