Sonny

A young bride tells her friend,

“Paul keeps telling everyone he’s going to marry the most beautiful girl in the world.â€

“ What a shame! And after all the time you’ve been engaged!â€

Casey, Posted this a while back but am still interested:

Casey,

I would be interested in getting a print of a C-130A, of course I would like 56-0533 as the tail number in the Nam paint colors, TAC, PACAF, 374 TAW, 21st TAS and Blind Bat patches. I also like your Crew Chief stickers but just need C-130A.

Is that possible? Would be willing to pay more for the custom work.

Thanks,

Sonny

By the way I really like the one's you have already one. Any of them would be a great addition to any collection.

Sonny

The teacher gave her fifth grade class an assignment: Get their

parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next

day, the kids came back and, one by one, began to tell their stories.

There were all the regular types of stuff: spilled milk and pennies saved.

Then only Janie was left.

"Janie, do you have a story to share?"

'Yes ma'am. My daddy told me a story about my Mommy. She was a Marine

pilot in Desert Storm, and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over

enemy territory, and all she had was a flask of whiskey, her service

.45 cal. automatic pistol, and a survival knife."

"She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn't break,

and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi

troops. She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of

bullets, killed four more with the

knife, 'til the blade broke, and then she killed the last Iraqi with her

bare hands."

''Good Heavens," said the horrified teacher. "What did your Daddy tell

you was the moral to this horrible story?"

"Don't mess with Mommy when she's been drinking."

A husband and wife were at a party chatting with some friends when the subject of marriage counseling came up.

"Oh! We’ll never need that. My husband and I have a great relationship,"

the wife explained.

"He was a communications major in college, and I majored in theater arts.

He communicates really well, and I just act like I'm listening."

This police officer sees an old lady driving and knitting at the same time,

so after driving next to her for awhile he yells to her,

"PULLOVER".

She replies,

"No a pair of socks".

PUNOGRAPHY

· I tried to catch some fog. I mist.

· When chemists die, they barium.

· Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

· A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

· I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.

· How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.

· I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.

· This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.

· I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I can't put it down.

· I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words .

· They told me I had type A blood, but it was a type-O.

· This dyslexic man walks into a bra .

· PMS jokes aren't funny, period.

· I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

· A cross-eyed teacher lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?

· When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

· What does a clock do when it's hungry? It goes back four seconds..

· I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me!

· Broken pencils are pointless.

· What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

· England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool .

· I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

· I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.

· All the toilets in London police stations have been stolen. Police say they have nothing to go on.

· I took the job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

· Velcro - what a rip off!

· Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy

Grandma is eighty-eight years old and still drives her own car. She writes:

Dear Grand-daughter,

The other day I went up to our local Christian book store and saw a

'Honk if you love Jesus' bumper sticker ..

I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a

thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting..

So, I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper.

Boy, am I glad I did; what an uplifting experience that followed.

I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in

thought about the Lord and how good he is, and I didn't notice that the

light had changed.

It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't

honked, I'd never have noticed.

I found that lots of people love Jesus!

While I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy,

and then he leaned out of his window and screamed, 'For the love of

God!'

'Go! Go! Go! Jesus Christ, GO!'

What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus!

Everyone started honking!

I just leaned out my window and started waving and smiling at all those

loving people.

I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love!

;

There must have been a man fromFloridaback there because I heard him

yelling something about a sunny beach.

I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger

stuck up in the air.

I asked my young teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant.

He said it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something.

Well, I have never met anyone from Hawaii, so I leaned out the window

and gave him the good luck sign right back.

My grandson burst out laughing.

Why even he was enjoying this religious experience!!

A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that

they got out of their cars and started walking towards me.

I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is

when I noticed the light had changed.

So, grinning, I waved at all my brothers and sisters, and drove on

through the intersection.

I noticed that I was the only car that got through the intersection

before the light changed again and felt kind of sad that I had to leave

them after all the love we had shared.

So I slowed the car down, leaned out the window and gave them all the

Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away. Praise the Lord

for such wonderful folks!!

Will write again soon,

Love, Grandma ...

Two priests were determined to make this a real vacation by not wearing anything that would identify them as clergy. As soon as the plane landed, they headed for a store and bought some really outrageous shorts, shirts, sandals, sun glasses, etc. The next morning, they went to the beach, dressed in their "tourist" garb. They were sitting on beach chairs, enjoying a drink, the sunshine and the scenery when a "drop dead gorgeous" topless blonde in a thong bikini came walking straight towards them.

They couldn't help but stare. As the blonde passed them, she smiled and said "Good morning, Father, Good morning, Father," nodding and addressing each of them. They were both stunned. How in the world did she know they were priests?

So the next day, they went back to the store and bought even more outrageous outfits. These were so loud you could hear them before you even saw them.

Once again the two priests (incognito) settled on the beach, in their chairs to enjoy the sunshine. After a while, the same gorgeous topless blonde, wearing a string, taking her sweet time, came walking toward them. Again she nodded at each of them, said "Good morning, Father," and started to walk away.

One of the priests couldn't stand it any longer and said. "Just a minute young lady."

Yes?" she replied.

"We are priests, and proud of it, but I have to know, how in the world did you know we are priests dressed as we are?"

She replied, "Father, it's me......Sister Mary Francis

Tinwhistle, Right back at you and the rest of the Herkybirds.

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds.

After explaining the commandment to "honor thy father and thy mother," she asked,

"Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"

Without missing a beat one little boy answered:

"Thou shall not kill."

Selling at an auction was halted when the auctioneer announced,

“Someone in the room has lost his wallet containing $2,000.

He is offering a reward of $500.00 for its immediate return.â€

After a moment of silence,

there was a call from the back of the room, " $550.00"

A woman burst out of the examining room screaming after her young physician tells her she is pregnant.

The director of the clinic stopped her and asked what the problem was. After she tells him what happened,

the doctors had her sit down and relax in another room and he marched down the hallway where the woman’s physician was and demanded,

“What is wrong with you?

Mrs Miller is 60 years old, has six grown children and nine grandchildren,

and you told her she was pregnant?â€

The young physician continued to write his notes and without looking up at his superior,

asked,

“Does she still have the hiccups?â€

Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl'.

The priest asks, 'Is that you, little Joey Pagano ?'

'Yes, Father, it is.'

'And who was the girl you were with?'

'I can't tell you, Father, I don't want to ruin her reputation'

Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now.

Was it Tina Minetti?'

'I cannot say.'

'Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?'

'I'll never tell.'

'Was it Nina Capelli?'

'I'm sorry, but I cannot name her.'

'Was it Cathy Piriano?'

'My lips are sealed.'

'Was it Rosa Di Angelo, then?'

'Please, Father, I cannot tell you.'

The priest sighs in frustration. 'You're very tight lipped, Joey Pagano, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself.'

Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, 'What did you get?'

4 months vacation and five good leads.

One Sunday morning, the pastor noticed that little Alex was staring up at the large plaque that hung in the foyer of the church. The plaque was covered with names, and small American flags were mounted on either side of it.

The little seven-year old had been staring at the plaque for some time, so the pastor walked up, stood beside the boy, and said quietly, "Good morning Alex."

"Good morning pastor," replied the young man, still focused on the plaque. "Pastor Jamison, what is this?" Alex asked.

"Well, son," the pastor replied, "Its a memorial to all the young men and women who died in the service."

Soberly, they stood together, staring at the large plaque.

Little Alex's voice was barely audible when he asked, "Which service, the 9:00am or the 11:00am?"

A man went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before.

"You'll get your chance in court," said the Desk Sergeant.

"No, no, no!" said the man.

"I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years!"

A teenage boy had just passed his driving test and inquired of

his father as to when they could discuss his use of the car.

His father said he'd make a deal with his son, "You bring your

grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible a little,

and get your hair cut. Then we'll talk about the car."

The boy thought about that for a moment, decided he'd settle for

the offer, and they agreed on it.

After about six weeks his father said, "Son, you've brought your

grades up and I've observed that you have been studying your

Bible, but I'm disappointed you haven't had your hair cut."

The boy said, "You know, Dad, I've been thinking about that, and

I've noticed in my studies of the Bible that Samson had long

hair, John the Baptist had long hair, Moses had long hair, and

there's even strong evidence that Jesus had long hair."

Fathers reply:

Did you also noticed they walked everywhere they went?

A three-year-old had been told several times to get ready for bed.

The last time his mom told him, she was every insistent.

His response was, "Yes, Sir!"

Since he was talking to his mother (and she is a woman), it was not expected of him to call her "Sir".

"You would say, 'yes sir,' to a man, I am a lady, and you would say 'Yes Ma'am,' to a lady," Mom said.

To quiz him on is lesson; she then asked him, "What would you say to Daddy?"

"Yes Sir!" was the reply

"Then what would you say to Mama?"

"Yes, Ma'am!" he proudly answered.

"Good boy! Now what would you say to Grandma?"

He lit up and said, "Can I have a cookie?"

One day my mother was out, and my dad was in charge of me.

I was maybe 2 1/2 years old. Someone had given me a little 'tea set' as a gift, and it was one of my favorite toys.

Daddy was in the living room engrossed in the evening news when I brought him a little cup of 'tea', which was just water. After several cups of tea and lots of praise for such yummy tea, my mom came home.

My dad made her wait in the living room to watch me bring him a cup of tea, because it was 'just the cutest thing!' Mom waited, and sure enough, here I came down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy; and she watched him drink it up.

Then she said, (as only a mother would know), "'Did it ever occur to you that the only place she can reach to get water, is the toilet?"

Giz, too funny!!

A couple of nights ago, I was out for a few drinks with some friends and had a few too many beers and then topped it off with a couple of margaritas, with some gin for a chaser. Not a good idea. Well over the limit, I did something I've never done before: I left the car there and took a bus home! Sure enough, just down from the pub, I passed a Random Breath Test police ambush, but because I was in a bus, it was waved past. I arrived home safely without incident, which was a real surprise.

Because I have never driven a bus before and am not sure where I got it.

As far as my experiences go, we flew straight from Naha to Ubon and back the same way! What I remember is that a crew that was on their R&R during their 90 day TDY, hopped on a bird with a returning crew and went back to Ubon on another input seven days later! I did that once! That is not saying for sure that some planes didn't stop elsewhere going to and from Ubon! After all,how many times during your tour(s) there did you find yourself landing somewhere you had no idea you were going to?

Does any of what I just said make any sense? :confused:

Ken

I'm with you Ken. I don't recall stopping anywhere on the way to Ubon from Naha. Now going to CRB or other places it was common to divert to another destination.

Thanks. So sad to see one of the most well known 130's treated like this.

Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked,

'How old was your husband?' '98,' she replied.

'Two years older than me.'

'So you're 96,' the undertaker commented. !

She responded, 'Hardly worth going home, is it?'

Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman:

'And what do you think is the best thing

about being 104?' the reporter asked.

She simply replied, 'No peer pressure.'

Three old guys are out walking. First one says, 'Windy, isn't it?' Second one says, 'No, it's Thursday!'

Third one says, 'So am I. Let's go get a beer

I've sure gotten old!

I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement,

new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes.

I'm half blind,

can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine,

take 40 different medications that

make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts.

Have bouts with dementia.

Have poor circulation;

hardly feel my hands and feet anymore.

Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92.

Have lost all my friends.

But, thank God,

I still have my driver's license.

I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape,

so I got my doctor's permission to

join a fitness club and start exercising.

I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors.

I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour.

But, by the time I got my leotards on,

the class was over

An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and

told her preacher she had two final requests.

First, she wanted to be cremated, and second,

she wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart.

'Wal-Mart?' the preacher exclaimed.

'Why Wal-Mart?'

'Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week.'

My memory's not as sharp as it used to be.

Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.

Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turned to the other and said: 'Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?'

Slim said, 'I feel just like a newborn baby.'

'Really!? Like a newborn baby?'

'Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.'

Know how to prevent sagging?

Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.

A man was telling his neighbor, 'I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but its state of the art. It's perfect.'

'Really,' answered the neighbor. 'What kind is it?'

'Twelve thirty', he replied.

It's scary when you start making the same noises

as your coffee maker.

An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed him to hear 100%. He went back in a month and the doctor said, 'Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again..'

The gentleman replied, 'Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!'

These days about half the stuff

in my shopping cart says,

'For fast relief.'

THE SENILITY PRAYER :

Grant me the senility to forget the people

I never liked anyway,

the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and

the eyesight to tell the difference.

Why You Don't Put Lights on A Palm Tree At Christmas

Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

Only in America......do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.

Only in America......do banks leave vault doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.