One-liners: If you see a man approaching you with the obvious intent of doing you good, you should run for your life. If you see that there are four possible ways in which a procedure can go wrong, and circumvent these, then a fifth way, unprepared for, promptly develops. If you stand in one place long enough, you make a line. If you step out of a short line for a second, it becomes a long line. If you think that OSHA is a small town in Wisconsin, you're in trouble. If you think the problem is bad now, just wait until we've solved it. If you throw something away, you will need it the next day. If you try to please everybody, nobody will like it. If you understand it, it is obsolete. If you want to be well liked, never lie about yourself, and be careful when telling the truth about others. It works better if you plug it in. If you want to get along, go along. If you want to make an enemy, do someone a favor. If your next pot of chili tastes better, it probably is because of something left out, rather than added. Ignorance is bliss. No wonder I'm so depressed. Illegitimus non Carborundem: "Don't let the scum bags grind you down" In a hierarchical organization, the higher the level, the greater the confusion. In any calculation, any error which can creep in will do so. In any hierarchy, each individual rises to his own level of incompetence, and then remains there. In any household, junk accumulates to the the space available for its storage. In case of doubt, make it sound convincing. It takes a big man to admit when he's wrong, and an even bigger one to keep his mouth shut when he's right.

I believe this is incorrect. My memory is that there was documentation regarding each mission via the 13th Air Force HQ located at Clark AB, where we went to get mission orders. It certainly was not all "word of mouth" between the flight crews, 13th Air Force, and the supported organization. Moreover, I question even if no documentation existed, it would mean you could openly talk about a subject that was SCI code word classified. More than 40 years later, I have never mentioned a word about this program other than its mere existence (i.e., "E flight"), but I would certainly like to. Maybe someday I will renew my formal inquiry on classification status, which was never answered by the organization to which I sent it.

Has anyone run into any AC-130A crew members from Ubon RTAB in 1969-1970? Col. Louis E. Bartrand

Laws of the Natural Universe: Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease your nose will begin to itch or you'll have to pee. Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner. Law of Probability: The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act. Law of the Telephone: When you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal. Law of the Alibi: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire. Variation Law: If you change lanes (traffic lanes), the one you were in will start to move faster than the one you are in now (works every time). Law of Close Encounters: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with. Law of the Result: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will. Law of Biomechanics: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach. Theater Rule: At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last. Law of Coffee: As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold. Murphy's Law of Lockers: If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers. Law of Dirty Rugs/Carpets: The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug. Law of Location: No matter where you go, there you are. Law of Logical Argument: Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about. Brown's Law: If the shoe fits, it's really ugly. Oliver's Law: A closed mouth gathers no feet. Wilson's Law: As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

For All You Lexophiles (Lovers of Words): 1. A bicycle can't stand alone because it is two-tired. 2. What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway). 3. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana. 4. A backward poet writes inverse. 5. In democracy it's your vote that counts; In feudalism it's your count that votes. 6. She had a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but broke it off. 7. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion. 8. If you don't pay your exorcist you get repossessed. 9. With her marriage she got a new name and a dress. 10. Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A-flat minor. 11. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds. 12. The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered. 13. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart. 14. You feel stuck with your debt if you can't budge it. 15. Local Area Network in Australia: the LAN down under. 16. He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key. 17. Every calendar's days are numbered. 18. A lot of money is tainted. 'Taint yours and 'taint mine. 19. A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat. 20. He had a photographic memory which was never developed. 21. A plateau is a high form of flattery. 22. The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large. 23. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end. 24. When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall. 25. Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine. 26. When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she'd dye. 27. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis. 28. Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses. 29. Acupuncture is a jab well done. 30. Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat.