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Happy Birthday, Ken!!

BUMPER STICKERS WE WOULD LIKE TO SEE!! 18. If you can't feed 'em, don't breed 'em!" 17. Jesus loves you...but everyone else thinks you are an asshole. 16. Impotence...Nature's way of saying "No hard feelings." 15. The proctologist called...they found your head. 14. Everyone has a photographic memory...some just don't have any film. 13. Save your breath...You'll need it to blow up your date. 12. Your ridiculous little opinion has been noted. 11. I used to have a handle on life...but it broke off. 10. WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship. 9. Guys...just because you have one, doesn't mean you have to be one. 8. Some people just don't know how to drive...I call these people "Everybody But Me." 7. Heart Attacks..God's revenge for eating His animal friends. 6. Don't like my driving? Then quit watching me. 5. If you can read this...I can slam on my brakes and sue you.. 4. Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them. 3. Try not to let your mind wander...It is too small and fragile to be out by itself. 2. Hang up and drive!! 1. Welcome to America...now speak English

Still Pondering: Why are there 5 syllables in the word "monosyllabic"? Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors? Why do scientists call it research when looking for something new? How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him? Why do we wait until a pig is dead to "cure" it? Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard? War doesn't determine who's right, just who's left It's a dog eat dog world out there. And they're short on napkins. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. Never trust a stockbroker who's married to a travel agent. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't. It must be true that men are from Mars. Look at how the place has deteriorated. On the other hand, you have different fingers. Married people don't live longer than single people. It just seems longer. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose. If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all still working? If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?

Ponderings: If the black box flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the whole airplane made out of the same stuff? Why is there an expiration date on sour cream? If most car accidents occur within five miles of home, why doesn't everyone just move 10 miles away? If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes? I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section? She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose. If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all still working? Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack? If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled? Why do women wear evening gowns to nightclubs? Shouldn't they be wearing night gowns? When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts," and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny? Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker? Why do croutons come in airtight packages? It's just stale bread to begin with. When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say? Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a race car is not called a racist? Why are wise man and a wise guy opposites? Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things? If horrific means to make horrible, does terrific mean to make terrible? Why isn't 11 pronounced onety one?