Mt.crewchief

Those were some good ones Sonny

After a long, hot day on the golf course my buddies & I stopped in at “Hooter's†for some Hot Wings and cold beer.

After being there for a while one of my friends asked me which waitress I would like to be stuck in an elevator with.

I told them, "The one who knows how to fix elevators......... I'm old, tired, and I pee a lot."

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I knew they would eventually release the ingredients in Viagra!

. Vitamin E 3%

. Aspirin 2%

. Ibuprofen 2%

. Vitamin C 1%

. Spray Starch 5%

. Fix-A-Flat 87%

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A man from Kuala Lumpur told his wife that he had a business appointment in Beijing for the weekend.

He informed her that he would fly on Malaysia Airlines flight MH370.

Now, he's been stuck for 8 weeks in his girlfriend's house, and doesn't have the faintest idea how to go home.

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Towing!!----This post brings back many fond (and not so fond) memories of my early days at Naha on the "tow,refuel-defuel" teams! I had forgotten how many "fun" ? times we had cruising around the flight line on the 4-wheel steering tractor/tug!

Things like checking out the "round-eyes" at the beach, crossing the active runway and trying to figure what the Ryukyan guy was saying in the tower. Also throwing a dirty black grease soaked chock rope into the cargo compartment and yelling "Habu"!!! and watching some of the guys jump out and run like hell!! Of course, a LOT of the time it was raining, or the wind was blowing hard!

Back to the subject---I had forgotten about manning the brakes and using the hand pump for pressure when we couldn't use the GTC. Of course don't remember the pressures!!! Also remember the tow bar--what a pain in the butt until you got used to it.

Thanks guys, for the memories,

Ken

Subject:Wife is missing

A husband went to the police station to file a "missing person" report for his missing wife:

Husband :- I lost my wife, she went shopping & hasn't come back yet....

Inspector :- What is her height ?

Husband:- I never checked....

Inspector :-Slim or healthy ?.

Husband:- Not slim can be healthy.

Inspector :- Colour of eyes ?

Husband :- Never noticed.

Inspector :- Colour of hair ?

Husband :- Changes according to season.

Inspector :- What was she wearing?

Husband : Not sure whether it was a dress or a suit.

Inspector :- Was she driving?

Husband :- yes.

Inspector :- tell me the number, name, model & color of the car ? . . . . .

Husband :- black Audi A8, license ALS 2065, has supercharged 3.0 litre V6 engine generating 333 horse power teamed with an eight-speed tiptronic automatic transmission with manual mode. And it has full LED headlights, which use light emitting diodes for all light functions and has a very thin scratch on the front left door.….and then the husband started crying...

Inspector:-Don't worry sir,... . .We will find your car.

For all those who pondered this eternal truth...

The Aisle, the Altar and the Hymn

Through the ages, men have been trying to unlock this mystery:

Why do their wives, who accept them just as they are before they get

married, begin the quest to change their behaviour and life-style once

their vows are exchanged?

Finally, the riddle is solved.

A social-scientist has arrived at this simple and logical explanation.

When the bride, accompanied by her father, starts to walk slowly down

the long aisle, she sees the altar at the end and hears the choir

singing a hymn. Walking down the aisle, the conditioning process starts

where the brain absorbs these three stimuli:

Aisle, altar, and hymn.

She becomes mesmerised as she continually reinforces these perceptions:

Aisle, altar, hymn……Aisle, altar, hymn……Aisle, altar, hymn.

And finally, as she stops beside the groom, the conditioning process is

complete. She looks up at him smiling sweetly and keeps saying to herself:

'I'll alter him!’

HERE ENDETH THE LESSON

http://www2l.incredimail.com/gcontent/stamps/new2011/pixel.gif?upn=86064317008616034

For all those who pondered this eternal truth...

The Aisle, the Altar and the Hymn

Through the ages, men have been trying to unlock this mystery:

Why do their wives, who accept them just as they are before they get

married, begin the quest to change their behaviour and life-style once

their vows are exchanged?

Finally, the riddle is solved.

A social-scientist has arrived at this simple and logical explanation.

When the bride, accompanied by her father, starts to walk slowly down

the long aisle, she sees the altar at the end and hears the choir

singing a hymn. Walking down the aisle, the conditioning process starts

where the brain absorbs these three stimuli:

Aisle, altar, and hymn.

She becomes mesmerised as she continually reinforces these perceptions:

Aisle, altar, hymn……Aisle, altar, hymn……Aisle, altar, hymn.

And finally, as she stops beside the groom, the conditioning process is

complete. She looks up at him smiling sweetly and keeps saying to herself:

'I'll alter him!’

HERE ENDETH THE LESSON

For all those who pondered this eternal truth...

The Aisle, the Altar and the Hymn

Through the ages, men have been trying to unlock this mystery:

Why do their wives, who accept them just as they are before they get

married, begin the quest to change their behaviour and life-style once

their vows are exchanged?

Finally, the riddle is solved.

A social-scientist has arrived at this simple and logical explanation.

When the bride, accompanied by her father, starts to walk slowly down

the long aisle, she sees the altar at the end and hears the choir

singing a hymn. Walking down the aisle, the conditioning process starts

where the brain absorbs these three stimuli:

Aisle, altar, and hymn.

She becomes mesmerised as she continually reinforces these perceptions:

Aisle, altar, hymn……Aisle, altar, hymn……Aisle, altar, hymn.

And finally, as she stops beside the groom, the conditioning process is

complete. She looks up at him smiling sweetly and keeps saying to herself:

'I'll alter him!’

HERE ENDETH THE LESSON

http://www2l.incredimail.com/gcontent/stamps/new2011/pixel.gif?upn=86064317008616034

THIS HAS BEEN AROUND BEFORE BUT I STILL DUNNO IF IT’S TRUE,

CAN’T FIND IT ON “SNOPESâ€!

This is funny!!! Enjoy.

The Dot l FINALLY, SOMEONE HAS CLEARED THIS UP.

For centuries, Hindu women have worn a dot on their foreheads. Most of us have naively

thought this was connected with tradition or religion, but the Indian embassy in Ottawa

has recently revealed the true story.

When a Hindu woman gets married, she brings a dowry into the union. On her wedding night,

the husband scratches off the dot to see whether he has won a convenience store, a gas station,

a donut shop, a taxi cab, or a motel in the United States.

If nothing is there, he must remain in India to answer telephones

and provide us with technical support.

As a coffee addict, most of the above seems normal!!!

Ken

Thanks for your posts Sonny. I get a good laugh every time I read your stuff....

What Sparks says!!!!!

Bill, I agree, the book has got to be a first as far as what a crew chief did back in the days!! But, it was too short!!!

I really envy the author in that he got to go all of those places in the world in 4 short years. I would have re enlisted if I had my first 4 years like his!!! I think if he would have made it longer and told some stories about the long days with no rewards (except personal) he could have added another 100 pages!!

Actually I am kind of jealous I didn't think of doing that!!

I think one of you flight engineers or load-masters should write a book. You 20 year guys could really tell some stories!!

I'm glad I bought the book and all of the while I was reading it, I though of Chris (tinwhistle). Do you know any of the names Chris???

just my $.02 worth,

Ken

Well, three days have gone by and I still don't have my book!

I was thinking my experiences probably wont compare to you guy's as the only place I ever went on a C-130 for 33 months was to CRB,Clark,Tachi,Tokyo, Misawa,Osan,Taegu Bangkok,Okinawa, & Ubon. Oh yeh, also Cubi Pt. But, I went to all of those places more than a few times!!!!

If that book would have been available on kindle, I would have already finished it!

Ken

Okay, I just ordered the book. Hope it is worth it!! I will give a report on it as soon as I read it!!

I imagine it will have grease all over the pages if it was written by a Real crew chief!!

Ken

Bill & Dutch have it right!!! Whether or not you HAVE to prove boots on the ground !

Knowing that you can is very important!! I didn't save any travel vouchers and I hope I don't ever have to prove BOG!!

You would think the Viet Nam Service Medal would be enough!!

Ken

Sonny,

I also agree with mongo and larry. Don't stop posting your jokes!

Homeless Man's Funeral

As a bagpiper, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper's cemetery in the Nova back country. As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost and I didn't stop for directions.

I finally arrived an hour late and saw the funeral guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight. There were only the diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch. I felt badly and apologized to the men for being late. I went to the side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was already in place. I didn't know what else to do, so I started to play.

The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. I played out my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends. I played like I've never played before for this homeless man. And as I played Amazing Grace, the workers began to weep. They wept, I wept, we all wept together.

When I finished, I packed up my bagpipes and started for my car. Though my head hung low, my heart was full. As I opened the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say, "I never seen nothing like that before and I've been putting in septic tanks for twenty years."

Apparently I'm still lost.

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> It is becoming a very scary world out there . . . . .

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> Another Famous American converts to Islam ...

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> It was announced today that Buckwheat,

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> The Muslim faith and changed his name to:

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> Kareem of Wheat.

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> I just hope he doesn't become a cereal killer!

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Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?

Customer: A white one...

Tech support: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen.

Customer: Your left or my left?

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Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try, it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it..

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Tech support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am?

Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me at the 7-11.

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Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.

Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?

Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.

Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.

Customer: ! OK

Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you?

Customer: Yes

Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in.

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Customer: I can't get on the Internet.

Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?

Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.

Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?

Customer: Five dots.

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Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use?

Customer: Netscape.

Tech support: That's not an anti-virus program.

Customer: Oh, sorry... Internet Explorer..

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Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.

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Tech support: How may I help you?

Customer: I'm writing my first email.

Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?

Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the little circle around it?

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This one and the next are our personal favorites!

A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.

Tech support: Are you running it under windows?

Customer: 'No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine.'

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And last but not least!

Tech support: 'Okay Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter 'P' to bring up the Program Manager.'

Customer: I don't have a P.

Tech support: On your keyboard, Bob.

Customer: What do you mean?

Tech support: 'P'.....on your keyboard, Bob.

Customer: I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!

Image removed by sender.

Fred, Thanks for the movie! I was able to download it so I can watch it anytime I want! Very interesting!!

I sure hope we all get to see this film!!!!!!!!!

Chris, I plan on going to the premier -----of course only if it's in Billings!

Movie and popcorn is on me!!!!

Anyone else interested?

Ken

Getting a bit cold up there in Anchorage eh SEFEGeorge?

:D

A guy walked into a crowded bar, waving his model 1911 Colt .45 caliber pistol with an 8 round magazine, and yelled, "Who in here has been sleeping with my wife?"

A voice from the back of the bar yelled back, "You need more ammo."

Anyone here ever experience a JATO personally? If so, can you describe the feeling? Thanks

Sparks, that's a good question. I have seen them used at an Air Show at Naha and one other time but never knew anybody on board!!

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To my Sweet Valentine

Collards is green, my dog's name is Blue

And I'm so lucky to have a sweet thang like you.

Yore hair is like cornsilk a-flapping in the breeze.

Softer than Blue's and without all them fleas.

You move like the bass, which excite me in May.

You ain't got no scales but I luv you anyway.

Yo're as satisfy'n as okry jist a-fry'n in the pan.

Yo're as fragrant as "snuff" right out of the can.

You have some'a yore teeth, for which I am proud;

I hold my head high when we're in a crowd.

On special occasions, when you shave under yore arms,

Well, I'm in hawg heaven, and awed by yore charms.

Still them fellers at work, they all want to know,

What I did to deserve such a purdy, young doe.

Like a good roll of duct tape yo're there fer yore man,

To patch up life's troubles and fix what you can.

Yo're as cute as a junebug a-buzzin' overhead.

You ain't mean like those far ants I found in my bed.

Cut from the best cloth like a plaid flannel shirt,

You spark up my life more than a fresh load of dirt.

When you hold me real tight like a padded gunrack,

My life is complete; Ain't nuttin' I lack.

Yore complexion, it's perfection, like the best vinyl sidin'.

Despite all the years, yore age, it keeps hidin'.

Me 'n' you's like a Moon Pie with a RC cold drank,

We go together like a skunk goes with stank.

Some men, they buy chocolate for Valentine's Day;

They git it at Wal-Mart, it's romantic that way.

Some men git roses on that special day

From the cooler at Target. "That's impressive," I say.

Some men buy fine diamonds from a flea market booth.

"Diamonds are forever," they explain, suave and couth.

But for this Ole Cajun, honey, these won't do.

Cause yo’re too special, you sweet thang you.

I got you a gift, without taste nor odor; more useful than diamonds.

IT'S A NEW TROLL'N MOTOR!

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After being married for thirty years, a wife asked her husband to describe her.

He looked at her for a while, then said,

"You're A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K."

She asks ... "What the hell does that mean?"

He said,"Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Foxy, Gorgeous, and Hot".

She smiled happily and said .....

"Oh, that's so lovely.

What about I, J, K?"

He said, "I'm Just Kidding!"

The swelling in his eye is going down and the doctor is fairly optimistic about saving

his testicles.