Sonny

Here are a couple of pictures of my roommates plane with bullet holes. Pictures taken by me at CRB in 1967

57-0472 c/n [cn]3179[/cn]

A farmer needs to buy a bull to service his cows, but has to borrow the money from the bank. The banker who lent the money comes by a week later to see how his investment is doing. The farmer complains that the bull just eats grass and won't even look at the cows. The banker suggests that a veterinarian have a look at the bull.

The next week, the banker returns to see if the vet helped. The farmer looks very pleased: ''The bull serviced all my cows twice, broke through the fence and serviced all my neighbour's cows three times.''

''Wow,'' says the banker. ''What did the vet do to that bull?''

''Just gave him some pills,'' replies the farmer.

''What kind of pills?'' asks the banker.

''I don't know,'' says the farmer, earnestly, ''but they sort of taste like chocolate.''

Great pictures. Thanks for sharing.

A seaman meets a pirate in a bar, and they take turns to tell their adventures on the seas. The seaman notes that the pirate has a peg leg, hook, and an eye patch. Curious, the seaman asks "So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?"

The pirate replies "I was swept overboard into a school of sharks. Just as my men were pulling me out, a shark bit my leg off".

"Wow!" said the seaman. "What about the hook"?

"Well...", replied the pirate, "We were boarding an enemy ship and were battling the other sailors with swords. One of the enemy cut my hand clean off."

"Incredible!" remarked the seaman. "How did you get the eye patch"?

"A seagull dropping fell into my eye", replied the pirate.

"You lost your eye to a seagull dropping?" the sailor asked.

"Well..." said the pirate, "That was my first day with the hook."

The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computers.

He dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whispered,

"Hello?"

Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having to talk to a youngster the boss asked,

"Is your Daddy home?"

"Yes," whispered the small voice.

"May I talk with him?" the man asked.

To the surprise of the boss, the small voice whispered, "No."

Wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked,

"Is your Mommy there?"

"Yes", came the answer.

"May I talk with her?"

Again the small voice whispered, "No".

Knowing that it was not likely that a young child would be left home alone,

the boss decided he would just leave a message with the person who should be there watching over the child.

"Is there anyone there besides you?" the boss asked the child.

"Yes" whispered the child, "A policeman."

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"

"No, he's busy," whispered the child.

"Busy doing what?" asked the boss.

Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the fireman," came the whispered answer.

Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the ear piece on the phone the boss asked, "What is that noise?"

"A hello-copper," answered the whispering voice.

"What is going on there?" asked the boss, now alarmed.

In an awed whispering voice the child answered,

"The search team just landed the hello-copper."

Alarmed, concerned and more than just a little frustrated,

the boss asked, "Why are they there?"

Still whispering, the young voice replied along with a muffled giggle,

"They're looking for me."

This guy was pulled over for running a stop sign.

When the cop checked the man's driver's license, he said,

"You're wearing glasses on your ID and you're not now. I'm going to have to give you a ticket."

The guy said,

"Officer, I have contacts."

The cop said,

"Look, buddy, I don't care who you know, ... I'm giving you a ticket."

A lady walks into the drugstore and asks the pharmacist for some arsenic.

"Ma'am, what do you want with arsenic?"

"To kill my husband."

"I can't sell you arsenic to kill a person!"

The lady lays down a photo of a man and a woman in a compromising position.

The man is her husband and the woman is the pharmacist's wife.

He takes the photo, and nods.

"I didn't realize you had a prescription!"

Ken,

I flew as a kicker while I was a Crew Chief. Did all the same training (altitude chamber, jump training etc) you mentioned. Worked the plane and flew. Alternated days with my assistant. Was also scared many, many times. As for my Navy stint, that almost cost me a court martial but MSgt. Tanner came to my rescue.

Sonny

Through the pitch-black night, the captain sees a light dead ahead on a collision course with his ship.

He sends a signal: “Change your course 10 degree east.â€

The light signals back: “Change yours, 10 degrees west.â€

Angry, the captain sends: “I’m a navy captain! Change your course, sir!â€

“I’m a seaman, second class,†comes the reply. “Change your course, sir.â€

Now the captain is furious. “I’m a battleship! I’m not changing course!â€

here is one last reply.

“I’m a lighthouse. Your call.

Ken,

I, too, spent my hard earned money on this book and was a little disappointed. You should write a book from the maintenance perspective as many don't seem to believe what role we Crew Chief's/maintenance people played in these missions. Some still don't believe we actually went on any of the missions.

Sonny

I hate myself for this, but was she a blonde?

One day, a grandpa and his grandson go golfing.

The young one is really good and the old one is just giving him tips.

They are on hole 8 and there is a tree in the way and the grandpa says,

"When I was your age, I would hit the ball right over that tree."

So, the grandson hits the ball and it bumps against the tree and lands not to far from where it started.

"Of course,"

added the grandpa,

"when I was your age, the tree was only 3 feet tall."

Martin had just received his brand new driver's license.

The family troops out to the driveway, and climbs in the car,

where he is going to take them for a ride for the first time.

Dad immediately heads for the back seat,

directly behind the newly minted driver.

"I'll bet you're back there to get a change of scenery after all those months of sitting in the front passenger seat teaching me how to drive,"

says the beaming boy to his father.

"Nope," comes dad's reply,

"I'm gonna sit here and kick the back of your seat as you drive, just like you've been doing to me all these years."

Two elderly couples were enjoying friendly conversation when one of the men asked the other,

†Fred, how was the memory clinic you went to last month?" "Outstanding," Fred replied.

"They taught us all the latest psychological techniques: visualization, association, etc. It was great." "That's great! And what was the name of the clinic?" Fred went blank. He thought and thought, but couldn't remember. Then a smile broke across his face and he asked,

"What do you call that flower with the long stem and thorns?"

"You mean a rose?"

"Yes, that's it!" He turned to his wife,

"Rose, what was the name of that memory clinic?"

Thoughts and prayers headed your way.

The Navy chief notices a new seaman and barks at him, ''Get over here! What's your name sailor?''

''John,'' the new seaman replies. The chief scowls: ''Look, I don't know what kind of bleeding-heart crap they're teaching sailors in boot camp nowadays, but I don't call anyone by his first name.

''It breeds familiarity and that leads to a breakdown in authority. I refer to my sailors by their last names only; Smith, Jones, Baker, whatever. And you are to refer to me as 'Chief.' Do I make myself clear?''

''Aye aye, Chief!''

''Now that we've got that straight, what's your last name?'' The seaman sighs. ''Darling, my name is John Darling, Chief.''

''OK, John, here's what I want you to do …''

An old woman goes to answer a knock at the door one evening to find two police officers standing there. ''Madam, are you married?'' one officer asks. ''Why yes,'' the old lady replies, ''for 48 years.''

''Do you have a photograph of your husband?'' the second officer asks.

The old lady pulls a picture out of her purse and hands it to the officers. They look it over and hand it back to her.

''Madam, he's going to be OK but, I'm sorry, it looks like your husband has been hit by a truck.''

The lady says: ''I know, sir, but he's got a wonderful personality and has always been very kind to me and the children.''

Ken,

Doing my best. Hope all is well with you.

Sonny

A guy walking down a street one afternoon passes an old man sitting on the side of the road with a large sack.

The younger guy says to the old man, "Watcha got in the sack?"

The old man responds, "I got some monkeys in that there sack."

The younger man asks, "If I guess how many monkeys you got in the sack, can I keep one?"

The old man replies, "Son, if you guess how many monkeys I got in this sack, I'll give you both of 'em!"

"Do you believe in life after death?"

the boss asked one of his employees.

"Yes, sir," the clerk replied.

"That's good," the boss said.

"After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother's funeral, she stopped in to see you."

An 85-year-old widow went on a blind date with a 90-year-old man.

When she returned to her daughter's house later that night, she seemed upset.

"What happened, Mother?" the daughter asked.

"I had to slap his face three times!"

"You mean he got fresh?"

"No," she answered. "I thought he was dead!"

A prisoner in jail receives a letter from his wife:

"Dear Husband, I have decided to plant some lettuce in the back garden.

When is the best time to plant them?"

The prisoner, knowing that the prison guards read all mail, replied in a letter:

"Dear Wife, whatever you do, do not touch the back garden.

That is where I hid all the money." A week or so later, he received another letter from his wife:

"Dear Husband, You wouldn't believe what happened, some men came with shovels to the house, and dug up all the back garden."

The prisoner wrote another letter back: "Dear wife,

Now is the best time to plant the lettuce.

The husband leans over and asks his wife, "Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you."

Yes, she says, "I remember it well."

OK, he says, "How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?"

"Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!"

A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble. So he follows them.

The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks. Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in.. Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground.

The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn't know.

After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on. The policeman, is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing, I've got to ask them what their secret is.

So, as the couple passes, he says to them, "Excuse me, but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?"

Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply,

"Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence."

A man walks into the psychiatrist’s office with a zucchini up his nose, a cucumber in his left ear, and a breadstick in his right ear.

He says, “What is wrong with me?

The psychiatrist replies,

“You are not eating properly.â€

An elderly couple is beginning to notice that neither of them seem to be able to remember things as well as they used to.

So, they go to see their doctor, who explains that there is nothing really wrong with, just typical memory loss associated with old age.

He suggests that they each get notebooks and write notes to themselves to help remember things.

The couple goes home and that evening while watching T.V. the man gets up and heads for the kitchen. His wife asks if he can bring her some ice cream when he returns.

He says he will, and she says he should write it down.

"I’m just going to the kitchen, I'll remember." "Well, I want that with nuts, too."

"O.K. he says ice cream with nuts."

She asks again if he's going to write it down.

"No, I'm just going to the kitchen." "And a Cherry on the top?" He agrees and turns toward the kitchen again and she asks again about writing it down.

Now the old man is angry, "Look, old lady I'm not senile, I can remember ice cream with nuts and a cherry on top."

He goes in the kitchen for 10 minutes and when he returns he sets a plate of bacon and eggs in front of his wife.

She looks up and says,

"Honey, you forgot my toast.