Sonny

A couple of nights ago, I was out for a few drinks with some friends and had a few too many beers and then topped it off with a couple of margaritas, with some gin for a chaser. Not a good idea. Well over the limit, I did something I've never done before: I left the car there and took a bus home! Sure enough, just down from the pub, I passed a Random Breath Test police ambush, but because I was in a bus, it was waved past. I arrived home safely without incident, which was a real surprise. Because I have never driven a bus before and am not sure where I got it.

I'm with you Ken. I don't recall stopping anywhere on the way to Ubon from Naha. Now going to CRB or other places it was common to divert to another destination.

Thanks. So sad to see one of the most well known 130's treated like this.

Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, 'How old was your husband?' '98,' she replied. 'Two years older than me.' 'So you're 96,' the undertaker commented. ! She responded, 'Hardly worth going home, is it?' Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: 'And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?' the reporter asked. She simply replied, 'No peer pressure.' Three old guys are out walking. First one says, 'Windy, isn't it?' Second one says, 'No, it's Thursday!' Third one says, 'So am I. Let's go get a beer I've sure gotten old! I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends. But, thank God, I still have my driver's license. I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her preacher she had two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart. 'Wal-Mart?' the preacher exclaimed. 'Why Wal-Mart?' 'Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week.' My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turned to the other and said: 'Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?' Slim said, 'I feel just like a newborn baby.' 'Really!? Like a newborn baby?' 'Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.' Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out. A man was telling his neighbor, 'I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but its state of the art. It's perfect.' 'Really,' answered the neighbor. 'What kind is it?' 'Twelve thirty', he replied. It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffee maker. An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed him to hear 100%. He went back in a month and the doctor said, 'Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again..' The gentleman replied, 'Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!' These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, 'For fast relief.' THE SENILITY PRAYER : Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.

Why You Don't Put Lights on A Palm Tree At Christmas

Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front. Only in America......do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke. Only in America......do banks leave vault doors open and then chain the pens to the counters. Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage. Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight. Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

Here are some more pictures of C-130E 62-1814 at Cam Ranh Bay on March 3, 1968. She had a fire in the aft cockpit.

Happy birthday to all you guys. You should get together and party. Hope you ALL have a great day.

Not everyone in the armed forces went to SEA/overseas. I now some who never left the states but they are are still veterans and should be treated as such. Also know some whose number never came up in the draft and never served at all.

A man came into a lawn ornament shop to get holiday decorations for his yard. He went up to the counter and said to the owner, "Give me four of those elves, two of the big reindeer, two of the small reindeer, and one of those bent-over, fat Mrs. Santas with the ridiculous bloomers." The shop owner said, "That'll be eighty dollars for the elves, fifty dollars for the big reindeer, twenty dollars for the small reindeer, and..." "a big apology for my wife!"

A young woman visits her parents and brings her fiancé to meet them. After an elaborate dinner, the mother tells her husband to find out about the young man. The father invites the fiancée to his library for a drink. “So what are your plans?†The father asks the young man. “I am a Torah scholar.†He says. “A Torah scholar, Hmmm,†the father says. “Admirable, but what will you do to provide a nice house for my daughter to live in, as she is accustomed to?†“I will study,†the young man said, and God will provide for us.†“And how will you buy her a beautiful engagement ring, such as she deserves?†asks the father. “I will concentrate on my studies,†the young man replies, “God will provide for us.†“And children?†asks the father. “How will you support children?†“Don’t worry, sir, God will provide,†replies the fiancé. The conversation continues like this, and each time the father questions, the young idealist insist that God will provide. Later, the mother asks, “How did it go, Honey?†The father answers, “He has no job and no plans, but the good news is he thinks I’m God.â€

A mugging took place last night down the local park A snail was mugged by a tortoise. The police said "Can you give us a description of your attacker? The snail said, "no, it all happened so fast!

Two boy scouts went on a nature hike in the hills picking hickory nuts. Along the way, they filled their small pails and then started to fill their pockets and shirts. When they could hold no more nuts, they started down the country road until they came across a cemetery. The boys decided that would be a good place to stop and rest and divide out the nuts. The two boys sat in the shade of a large oak tree and unloaded their pockets and buckets by dumping all of the nuts in a large pile. In the process, two of them rolled away and rested near the road. The boys then proceeded to divide out the nuts. "One for you. One for me. One for you. One for me." As they were doing this, another boy was passing by and happened to hear them. He looked into the cemetery, but could not see the boys, because they were obscured by the tree. He hesitated a moment and then ran back to town. "Father! Father!" he yelled as he entered his house. "The cemetery. Come quick!" "What's the matter?" his father asked. "No time to explain," the boy frantically panted. "Follow me!" The boy and his father ran up the country road and stopped when they reached the cemetery. They stopped at the side of the road and all fell silent for a few moments. Then the father asked his son what was wrong. "Do you hear that?" he whispered. Both people listened intently and heard the Scouts. "One for me. One for you. One for me. One for you..." The boy then blurted out, "The devil and the Lord are dividing the souls!" The father was skeptical but silent -- until a few moments later as the Scouts completed dividing out the nuts and one Scout said to the other, "Now, as soon as we get those two nuts down by the road, we'll have them all."

Oh, Frosty

One winter morning a husband and wife in Denver were listening to the radio during breakfast. They heard the announcer say, "We are going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even-numbered side of the street, so the snow plows can get through." So the good wife went out and moved her car. A week later while they are eating breakfast again, the radio announcer said, "We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd-numbered side of the street, so the snow plows can get through." The good wife went out and moved her car again. The next week they are again having breakfast, when the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 12 to 14 inches of snow today. You must park...." Then the electric power went out. The good wife was very upset, and with a worried look on her face she said, "Honey, I don't know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the snow plows can get through?" With the love and understanding in his voice that all men who are married to blondes exhibit, the husband replied, "Why don't you just leave it in the garage this time?"

As a trucker stops for a red light, a blonde catches up. She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door. The trucker lowers the window, and she says "Hi, my name is Heather and you are losing some of your load." The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street. When the truck stops for another red light, the girl catches up again. She jumps out of her car, runs up and knocks on the door. Again, the trucker lowers the window. As if they've never spoken, the blonde says brightly, "Hi my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!" Shaking his head, the trucker ignores her again and continues down the street. At the third red light, the same thing happens again. All out of breath, the blonde gets out of her car, runs up, knocks on the truck door. The trucker lowers the window. Again she says "Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!" When the light turns green the trucker revs up and races to the next light. When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets out of the truck, and runs back to the blonde. He knocks on her window, and as she lowers it, he says " Hi, my name is Kevin, it's winter in Canada and I'm driving the SALT TRUCK!"

A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan when they noticed a whaling ship. The male whale recognized it as the same ship that had harpooned his father many years earlier. He said to the female whale, "Lets both swim under the ship and blow out of our air holes at the same time and it should cause the ship to turn over and sink. They tried it and sure enough, the ship turned over and quickly sank. Soon however, the whales realized the sailors had jumped overboard and were swimming to the safety of shore. The male was enraged that they were going to get away and told the female "lets swim after them and gobble them up before they reach the shore." At this point, he realized the female was becoming reluctant to follow him. "Look", she said, "I went along with the blow job, but I absolutely refuse to swallow the seamen.

A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office. After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone. He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe stress disorder. If you don't do the following, your husband will surely die." "Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant at all times. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him. Don't burden him with chores. Don't discuss your problems with him, it will only make his stress worse. No nagging. And most importantly, make love with your husband several times a week. If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely." On the way home, the husband asked his wife. "What did the doctor say?" “He said you're going to die" she replied.

1. Don't imagine you can change a man - unless he's in diapers. 2. What do you do if your boyfriend walks-out? You shut the door. 3. If they put a man on the moon - they should be able to put them all up there. 4. Never let your man's mind wander - it's too little to be out alone. 5. Go for younger men. You might as well - they never mature anyway. 6. Men are all the same - they just have different faces, so that you can tell them apart. 7. Definition of a bachelor; a man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable. 8. Women don't make fools of men - most of them are the do-it-yourself types. 9. Best way to get a man to do something, is to suggest they are too old for it. 10. Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener. 11. If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital. 12. The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years. Even in biblical times, men wouldn't ask for directions. 13. If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him checkbooks. 14. Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes, it means that you laugh at his. 15. Sadly, all men are created equal..

The Hokey Pokey Original Lyrics Put your left foot in, Your left foot out, Your left foot in, And shake it all about. You do the hokey pokey And turn yourself around That's what it's all about. The Hokey Pokey Shakespearean Style O proud left foot, that ventures quick within Then soon upon a backward journey lithe. Anon, once more the gesture, then begin: Command sinistral pedestal to writhe. Commence thou then the fervid Hokey-Poke. A mad gyration, hips in wanton swirl. To spin! A wilde release from heaven's yoke. Blessed dervish! Surely canst go, girl. The Hoke, the poke -- banish now thy doubt. Verily, I say, 'tis what it's all about.

House Construction by Bill Jerome Home Yellow River by Iam Ping Lewis Carroll by Alison Wonderland Leo Tolstoy by Warren Peace The L. A. Lakers Breakfast by Kareem O' Wheat Why Cars Stop by M. T. Tank Wind in the Willows by Russell Ingleaves Look Younger by Fay Slift Mountain Climbing by Andover Hand It's Springtime! by Theresa Green No! by Kurt Reply And Shut Up! by Sid Downe 40 Yards to the Latrine by Willy Makeit and Betty Wont Glass Bikini by Seymore Skynn The French Chef by Sue Flay Tight Situation by Leah Tard Unemployed by Anita Job Off to Market by Tobias A. Pigg I Lived in Detroit by Helen Earth Inflammation, Please by Arthur Itis Handel's Messiah by Ollie Luyah Downpour! by Wayne Dwops Cloning by Ima Dubble Irish Flooring by Lynn O'Leum Holmes Does it Again by Scott Linyard Home Alone IV by Eddie Buddyhome Neither a Borrower by Nora Lender Bee The Scent of a Man by Jim Nasium Is O. J. Guilty? by Howard I. Know Animal Illnesses by Ann Thrax French Overpopulation by Francis Crowded Fallen Underwear by Lucy Lastic

1. How Do You Catch a Unique Rabbit? Unique Up On It. 2. How Do You Catch a Tame Rabbit? Tame Way, Unique Up On It. 3. How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest? They Take The Psycho Path. 4. How Do You Get Holy Water? You Boil The Hell Out Of It. 5. What Do Fish Say When They Hit a Concrete Wall? Dam! 6. What Do Eskimos Get From Sitting On The Ice too Long? Polaroid's. 7. What Do You Call a Boomerang That Doesn't work? A Stick. 8. What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours? Nacho Cheese. 9. What Do You Call Santa's Helpers? Subordinate Clauses. 10. What Do You Call Four Bullfighters In Quicksand? Quattro Sinko. 11. What Do You Get From a Pampered Cow? Spoiled Milk. 12. What Do You Get When You Cross a Snowman With a Vampire? Frostbite. 13. What Lies At The Bottom Of The Ocean And Twitches? A Nervous Wreck. 14. What's The Difference Between Roast Beef And Pea Soup? Anyone Can Roast Beef. 15. Where Do You Find a Dog With No Legs? Right Where You Left Him. 16. Why Do Gorillas Have Big Nostrils? Because They Have Big Fingers. 17. Why Don't Blind People Like To Sky Dive? Because It Scares The Dog. 18. What Kind Of Coffee Was Served On The Titanic? Sanka. 19. What Is The Difference Between a Harley And a Hoover? The Location Of The Dirt Bag. 20. Why Did Pilgrims' Pants Always Fall Down? Because They Wore Their Belt Buckle On Their Hat. 21. What's The Difference Between a Bad Golfer And a Bad Skydiver? A Bad Golfer Goes Whack, Dang! A Bad Skydiver Goes Dang! Whack. 22. How Is a Texas Tornado And an Alabama Divorce The Same? Somebody's Gonna Lose A Trailer!

A couple is arguing about who should make the coffee in the morning. The wife says, “I think your should do it because you get up first.†He counters with, “The kitchen is your domain, and you do all the cooking so you know where everything is. I think you should make the coffee.†“No way,†she says. “You should do it. The Bible even says so.†“What the heck are you talking about?†She grabs the family Bible, thumbs through, and point to the appropriate section: “Hebrewsâ€

A guy went to a psychiatrist. "Doc," he said, "I've got trouble. Every time I get into bed, I think there's somebody under it. You gotta help me, I'm going crazy!" "Just put yourself in my hands for two years," said the shrink. Come to me three times a week, and I'll cure your fears." "How much do you charge?" The shrink said, "a hundred dollars per visit." "I'll sleep on it," said Bob. Six months later the doctor met Bob on the street. "Why didn't you ever come to see me again?" asked the psychiatrist. "For a hundred bucks a visit? Not me. I told my story to a bartender and he cured me after 3 beers. "Is that so ! How?" "He told me to cut the legs off the bed!"

Dear Tide: I am writing to say what an excellent product you have! I've used it all of my married life, as my Mom always told me it was the best. Now that I am in my fifties I find it even better! In fact, about a month ago, I spilled some red wine on my new white blouse. My inconsiderate and uncaring husband started to belittle me about how clumsy I was, and generally started becoming a pain in the neck. One thing led to another and somehow I ended up with his blood on my new white blouse! I grabbed my bottle of Tide with bleach alternative, and to my surprise and satisfaction, all of the stains came out! In fact, the stains came out so well the detectives who came by yesterday told me that the DNA tests on my blouse were negative and then my attorney called and said that I was no longer considered a suspect in the disappearance of my husband. What a relief! Going through menopause is bad enough without being a murder suspect! I thank you, once again, for having a great product. Well, gotta go, have to write to the Hefty bag people.