Sonny Posted December 20, 2011 Share Posted December 20, 2011 Air Force Christmas Party TO: ALL SQUADRON MEMBERS I'm happy to inform you that the Squadron Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd at Luigi's Open Pit Barbecue. There will be lots of spiked eggnog and a small band playing traditional carols...feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our Commander shows up dressed as Santa Claus to light the Christmas tree! Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10. Merry Christmas to you and your family. Patty Lewis, Captain, USAF Executive Officer December 2nd TO: ALL SQUADRON MEMBERS In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish members. We recognize that Hanukkah is an important holiday that often coincides with Christmas (though unfortunately not this year). However, from now on we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to unit members who are celebrating Kwanzaa at this time. There will be no Christmas tree and no Christmas carols sung. Happy Holidays to you and your family. Patty Lewis, Captain, USAF Executive Officer December 3rd TO: ALL SQUADRON MEMBERS Regarding the anonymous note I received from a member in the Alcohol Rehabilitation Program requesting a non-drinking table, I'm happy to accommodate this request, but, don't forget, if I put a sign on the table that reads,"AA Only," you won't be anonymous anymore. In addition, forget about the gifts exchange-- no gifts will be allowed since the junior airmen in the squadron feel that $10 is too much money. Patty Lewis, Captain, USAF Executive Officer December 7th TO: ALL SQUADRON MEMBERS I've arranged for members who are enrolled in the Air Force Weight Management Program (AFWMP) to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women closest to the restrooms. Gays are allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with the gay men; each will have their table. Yes, there will be a flower arrangement for the gay men's table. Happy now? Patty Lewis, Captain, USAF Executive Officer December 9th TO: ALL SQUADRON MEMBERS People, people -- nothing sinister was intended by wanting our Commander to play Santa Claus! Even if the anagram of "Santa" does happen to be "Satan," there is no evil connotation to our own "little man in a red suit." Patty Lewis, Captain, USAF Executive Officer December 10th TO: ALL SQUADRON MEMBERS Vegetarians -- I've had it with you people!! We're going to hold this party at Luigi's Open Pit whether you like it or not, you can just sit at the table farthest from the "grill of death," as you put it, and you'll get salad bar only, including hydroponics tomatoes.. But, you know,tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them right now... Ha! I hope you all have a rotten holiday! Drive drunk and die, you hear me? The Witch from Hades December 14th TO: ALL SQUADRON MEMBERS I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Captain Lewis a speedy recovery from her stress-related illness. I'll continue to forward your cards to her at the Mental Health Clinic. In the meantime, I've decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off, instead. Happy Holidays! Ron Donaldson, Lt Col, USAF Commander Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hlg6016 Posted December 21, 2011 Share Posted December 21, 2011 I think I'll just stay home, This is starting to sound like one of those "mandatory fun" events! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
larry myers Posted December 21, 2011 Share Posted December 21, 2011 This is very funny, however, hate to say it but there is a lot of truth in it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spectre623 Posted December 21, 2011 Share Posted December 21, 2011 I want a table for H model troops only... I ain't sittin with no J model pukes....and you E model guys stay away too you smell like oil has been blowin outta your gaspers fer eight hours. Ha Ha...MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYBODY!!!!!!!! Bill Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Railrunner130 Posted December 22, 2011 Share Posted December 22, 2011 I'm with Larry. As a result of the above mentioned party plans, we are now required to attend three more sexual harassment classes and have ten more CBTs to do.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
larry myers Posted December 22, 2011 Share Posted December 22, 2011 And when you do all this bs make sure you sit in a big circle and don't forget to hold hands. Oh, and on your way out remember to sign the letter stating you have ethics...lmao Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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