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When women say "fine"

Dan Wilson

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Words Women Use:


This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need to shut up . Never use "fine" to describe how a woman looks - this will cause you to have one of those arguments.


This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it's an even trade.


This means "something", and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. 'Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with 'Fine'

GO AHEAD (With Raised Eyebrows)

This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine"

GO AHEAD (Normal Eyebrows)

This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care"

You will get a "Raised Eyebrow Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.


This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment, and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing"


Again, not a word, but a non-verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" mean that she is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe, and she will stay content.


This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you back for whatever it is that you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and in conjunction with a "Raised Eyebrow".


At some point in the near future, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.


This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance with the truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay"


A woman is thanking you. Do not faint. Just say you're welcome.


This is much different from "Thanks." A woman will say, "Thanks A Lot"

when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have offended her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh." Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh," as she will only tell you "Nothing

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WHATEVER - We use this as a substitue for fine. It is also used to shut you up, and just continue with what we were doing.

SURE - We are actually sort of, kind of agreeing with you.

SURE THAT SOUNDS GOOD - In reality it doesn't. But you are not budging from your idea. We cannot convince you the idea is a bad one. So we just say this to move things along, because we got things to do.

UH-HUH (sounding like a question)- We use this in conjunction with SURE and GO AHEAD. We already know that whatever endeavor you are about to attempt will go awry and end with us saying...


How to get your wife to help you in the garage or shop. (providing she is that type of gal who knows how to turn a wrench and knows the diff between a flathead and phillips)

When you ask "Honey could you come here for a second?" - we interpret this to mean "I need your help in the garage/shop."

We will then ask how long it will take. Your answer to this question is vital as to the kind of help you will receive in the future.

If you answer:

"Not long." And we do not change into coveralls or our house cleaning clothes, and we get even the tiniest bit dirty. The results will be that we will give you little to no help the next time you ask.

"Just a bit. Maybe five minutes." - suggest that we wear gloves. Because you always seem to need our help the day after getting a manicure. If you do not suggest gloves. Then you, again, will receive little help. We might hold the flashlight. But we will not hand you any tools. Note: when we are holding the shop light or the flashlight do not bitch about it. Do not bitch that we are not pointing it in the right direction. We are here in your shop HELPING you. If you want to have more help in the future - shut your mouth.

"About thirty minutes. You might want to change into something you can get dirty. And bring gloves just in case." This is the phrase that pays. You will receive all the help you need.

Be patient while we are changing into our boiler suit. Do not lean in the door of the house and ask "how much longer?". This will trigger the passive agressive nature in us. For every time you lean in and holler, we will add five minutes to your wait time. We have agreed to help you. We will be there when we get there.

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I did mean using the towel for helping with the dishes, but confess I'm also guilty of misusing it from time to time. It does just seem so well designed for "man" grime.

The appropriate towel for "man grime" is the foofy one in the bathroom.

The kitchen towel for drying dishes, is just what Don said it is for.

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