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  1. Closed keeps cold air out and prevents cold soaking the oil inside the cooler.
    2 points
  2. It looks like we have been invaded , By ???
    1 point
  3. It looks like we have been invaded , By ???
    1 point
  4. my thoughts exactly.
    1 point
  5. I was thinking it would be nice to see if after all of these years there are still some guys out there that are still looking for some word about their old friends. Especially in the late 60's to the early 70's. You know, the guys from Naha, CCK. Ubon, Tachikawa, Clark, Max Tan etc. All were Viet Nam Veterans probably! Maybe we could post a pic or two ---if we still remember how!!! I will try 1st: I know all of these people Ken ,
    1 point
  6. Hi Simon, I'd like to extend my gratitude for your hard work, along with the efforts of the late Col. Bob Daley, with finding and identifying the tail codes of the VNAF C-130s. With respect to the two Herks lost at Song Be, both are attributed to the 435th TS (HCH 56-00521 on 18 Dec 1974 and HCO 55-00016 on 25 Dec 1974). The latter C130, HCO 55-00016, seems to be misidentified. Upon reading through some first hand accounts from pilots from the 435th TS, their memoirs all state that the Herk lost on 25 Dec 1974 was piloted by friends from the sister 437th squadron and should therefore be a GZ# tailcode, not the HCO tailcode attributed. One of these accounts attributes the 25/12/1974 incident to tailcode GZE, but there are photos of GZE in UTapao AB following the fall of Saigon on 30 April 1975. With that said, I believe two of your tailcodes are incorrect: HCO 55-00016 and the GZ# tailcode from the 437th that was shot down in Song Be. I've been trying to cross reference additional material, but am now hitting dead ends. Best wishes, JB
    1 point
  7. Grandpa and Little Johnny are sitting on a bench in the park. Johnny asked, "Grandpa are you going to take that new Viagra?" Grandpa looks at him and says, "No Johnny, I will not." "But Grandpa, why?" asks little Johnny. Grandpa replies, "Because there is no sense in putting lead in your pencil if you have no one to write to."
    1 point
  8. Trying to edit my post above. I meant stationed at Naha and CCK----not CRB. By the way Sonny, I will see what I can do about making some copies of the Keystone Kapers. Honest!!! Picture of my E Model I crewed at CCK taken years later while it was on a mission to New Orleans during Katrina. It was stationed at Little Rock at the time. It's next home base was the Boneyard.
    1 point
  9. Definitions Male/Female: 1. THINGY (thing-ee) n. a. female...Any part under a car's hood. b. male...The strap fastener on a woman's bra. 2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj. a. female...Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another. b. male...Playing any sport without a "cup." 3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n. a. female...The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner. b. male...Scratching out a note before suddenly taking off for a weekend with the boys. 4. BUTT (but) n. a. female...The body part that every item of clothing manufactured makes "look bigger." b. male...What you slap when someone's scored a touchdown, home run, or goal. Also good for mooning. 5. COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n a. female...A desire to get married and raise a family. b. male...Not trying to pick up other women while out with one's girlfriend. 6. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n. a. female...A good movie, concert, play or book. b. male...Anything that can be done while drinking. 7. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n. a. female...An embarrassing by-product of digestion. b. male...An endless source of entertainment, self-expression, and male bonding. 8. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n. a. female...A device for changing from one TV channel to another. b. male...A device for scanning through all 175 channels every 2 1/2 minutes. 19. FOOTBALL (fut-bol) n. a. female...An annoying 6 month long competition for a partner's attention. b. male...6 months off from spending time with what's her name.
    1 point
  10. ☲✪☲ 𝗖-𝟭𝟯𝟬𝗔 𝗼𝗻 𝗗𝗶𝘀𝗽𝗹𝗮𝘆 𝗮𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗳𝗿𝗼𝗻𝘁 𝗴𝗮𝘁𝗲 𝗼𝗳 𝗟𝗶𝘁𝘁𝗹𝗲 𝗥𝗼𝗰𝗸 𝗔𝗙𝗕, 𝗔𝗥 This C-130A Hercules was the 126th built by Lockheed Aircraft corp. of Marietta, Georgia. It was accepted into the Air Force inventory on 23 August 1957. On 2 November 1972, it was given to the South Vietnamese Air Force as part of the Military Assistance Program. A few years later, the aircraft would be involved in a historic flight. On 29 April 1975, this Herk was the last out of Vietnam during the fall of Saigon. With over 100 aircraft destroyed on the flight line at Tan Son Nhut Air Base, some of them still burning, it was the last flyable C-130 remaining. In a very panicked state, hundreds of people were rushing to get aboard, as the aircraft represented a final ticket to freedom. People hurriedly crowded into the Herk, packing in tighter and tighter. Eventually, the loadmaster informed the pilot, Major Phuong, a South Vietnamese instructor pilot, that he could not get the rear ramp closed due to the number of people standing on it. In a moment of inspiration, Major Phuong slowly taxied forward, then hit the brakes. The loadmaster called forward again stating he had successfully got the doors closed. In all, 452 people were on board, including a staggering 32 in the cockpit alone. Using a conservative estimate of 100 pounds per person, it translated into an overload of at least 10,000 pounds. Consequently, the Herk used every bit of the runway and overrun before it was able to get airborne. The target was Thailand, which should have been 1:20 in flight time, but after an hour and a half, the aircraft was over the Gulf of Slam, and they were clearly lost. Finally, a map was located, they identified some terrain features, and they were able to navigate. They landed at Utapao, Thailand after a three-and-a-half-hour flight. Ground personnel were shocked at what "fell out" as they opened the doors. It was clear that a longer flight would almost certainly have resulted in a loss of life. In the end, however, all 452 people made it to freedom aboard this historic C-130. Upon landing, the aircraft was reclaimed by the United States Air Force and assigned to two different Air National Guard units for the next 14 years. On 28 June 1989, it made its final flight to Little Rock Air Force Base and placed on permanent display.
    1 point
  11. An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in her paintings that were on display. "Well, I have good news and bad news," the owner responded. "The good news is that a gentleman noticed your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. I told him it would and he bought all 10 of your paintings." "That's wonderful," the artist exclaimed. "What's the bad news?" "The gentleman was your doctor."
    1 point
  12. Just dropping by checking to see if anybody recognizes any of the fine looking Airmen of the late 60's thru 71. Also, I hope all of you guys have a nice Christmas and New Year. Ken
    1 point
  13. First New Zealand C-130J Hercules painted New Zealand's first C-130J Hercules aircraft has been painted, marking a significant milestone in the project to replace the Royal New Zealand Air Force’s (RNZAF) Hercules fleet. 08 December, 2023 Five new aircraft are on track for delivery from next year to replace the C-130H (NZ) Hercules, which were purchased in 1965. “It took 14 painters two days to apply 238 litres of paint on the 11.85 metre high aircraft, using ladders and scaffolding. RNZAF markings will be applied in the coming months, including the RNZAF Kiwi roundel and No. 40 Squadron’s mariner’s compass,” says Andrew Rooney, Project Team Lead at the Ministry of Defence. The second C-130J aircraft is currently having its engines fitted and will shortly head to the paint shop at Lockheed Martin’s factory in Georgia, US. The new aircraft will be able carry more cargo, due to their additional 4.5 metre length and payload capacity of 21 tonnes. With a 15 tonne payload, they will also be able to travel 2400 nautical miles, compared to the current 1800 nautical miles. The fleet will be used by New Zealand Defence Force as a first response option, for humanitarian assistance and disaster relief operations, and deployment of personnel and equipment both within New Zealand and overseas. The first three crews of No. 40 Squadron are now fully-trained and certified to fly the C-130J aircraft. A number of the aviators and maintenance personnel have just completed an exercise in Hawaii, where they were embedded with the US Air Force 19th Airlift Wing. The construction of the full motion flight simulator continues in the United States, with testing now underway. Back home in New Zealand at RNZAF Base Auckland, work on the building that will house the simulator is well underway, with the roof to be added early next year. Read more about the C-130J project here. C-130J Specifications Wing span: 40.41m Height: 11.85m Length: 34.4m Speed: 330kts Payload: 21 tonnes Passengers: 128 Time Lapse video of the paint process: https://youtu.be/MCDkLzjTwEI
    1 point
  14. If you do a search of the original build of the C-130, you'll find pictures of the original fuselage being submerged in a large pool and it was pressurized using that fitting to check for leaks and the pressure of final damage. The fitting was never taken out of the engineering drawings, so it is still there today.
    1 point
  15. I forgot to say I was at Naha from Sept. 67 to Mar. 69. Msgt. Andy Haskell was my boss. I was 3rd. Wiper on 56-475 . I will post some pics of my Tech School class and I do remember most of the guys. The one guy maybe 2 are Johnny Knebel and Harper were for sure at Naha, and I ran into some of the other guys at CRB for the rest of my tour. Chris Carter and I both volunteered to go to Ubon as crew members on a Blind Bat crew. (flare kickers). He and I are pictured on the left side of the crew . Me with the glasses andhe is the short one with his regular fatigues etc. I can give all of the rest of the crews names if need be. The pictures I hope to post now are of my tech school. Maybe !!! Until I get my shit together, I will have to post one of Ann Margaret with the Bob Hope show in either 67 or 68.
    1 point
  16. We have the Rockwell-Collins Flight 2 equipment in one of our simulators. We have been training with multiple customers who operate this system in their C-130 aircraft for about the last five years. The operators who had navigators kept them. All the operators have flight engineers.
    1 point
  17. Not sure which FMS mod., but would imagine that system would have no effect on FE controls and mission needs would require a nav at times.
    1 point
  18. Not in your group of close friend's but was in the 41st out of Naha. One trip to Ubon and plane took a shell fire to right wheel well on second flight. Never had the chance to return, but did fly one time dropping flares! Many trips to CRB after that. Always on A models until I went to Pope. Now living in Arizona.
    1 point
  19. Thanks, Sonny for your input! I knew you were still around. It would be great to know all of the young gentlemen pictured are still around. I have many more that I will try to post names with them. Ken
    1 point
  20. Thank you for your reply. I also found it on our 1C-130H-2-10 PAGE3-3, but there is still no way to use it. I heard our senior maintenance staff said that it does not use any engine or APU. In this case, use a cabin pressure truck to test the fuselage pressure.
    1 point
  21. It is named the Pressure test fitting in the TO and I can't find any real info on using it. The old 1C-130B-2-10 shows the fitting, but the book is not specific about hooking it up. This was back in the day when knowledge was handed down. It says to use an air cart though. "d. Start the MA-1A and pressurize the bleed air manifold." Suffice it to say, it was probably put there for manufacturing purposes to check the aircraft before any power was put on it to run the GTC.
    1 point
  22. When I flew on the C-121J we closed the cowl flaps and oil cooler flap to reduce drag.
    1 point
  23. Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties and had never been married. She was admired for her sweetness and kindness to all. One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea. As he sat facing her old Hammond organ, the young minister noticed a cute glass bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was filled with water, and in the water floated, of all things, a condom! When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat. The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer resist. 'Miss Beatrice', he said,'I wonder if you would tell me about this?' Pointing to the bowl. 'Oh, yes,' she replied, 'Isn't it wonderful? I was walking through the park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground. The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet and that it would prevent the spread of disease. Do you know I haven't had the flu all winter.'
    1 point
  24. A collection of some of the best "Out Of Office" automatic responses: 1. I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Be prepared for my mood. 2. You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all. 3. Sorry to have missed you but I am at the doctors having my brain removed so that I may be promoted to management. 4. I will be unable to delete all the unread, worthless emails you send me until I return from vacation on 4/18. Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received. 5. Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for the first ten words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message. 6. The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again. (The beauty of this is that when you return, you can see how many in-duh-viduals did this over and over). 7. Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks. 8. Hi. I'm thinking about what you've just sent me. Please wait by your PC for my response. 9. Hi! I'm busy negotiating the salary for my new job. Don't bother to leave me any messages. 10. I've run away to join a different circus. AND, FINALLY, THIS ONE TAKES THE CAKE: 11. I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as 'Loretta' instead of 'Steve'
    1 point
  25. BUMPER STICKERS Give me coffee and no one gets hurt. Don't wash this vehicle - Undergoing scientific dirt test Cover me. I'm changing lanes. Keep honking, I'm reloading He who laughs last thinks slowest Is reading in the bathroom considered Multi-Tasking? You must be from the shallow end of the gene pool. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke. You're Just Jealous Because The Voices Are Talking To Me Jesus is coming, everyone look busy I Refuse To Have A Battle Of Wits With An Unarmed Person The Earth Is Full - Go Home As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools My kid had sex with your honor student. Your kid may be an honor student but you're still an IDIOT! I is a college student I souport publik edekasion If you think education is expensive, Try ignorance Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot. You! Out Of The Gene Pool! The gene pool could use a little chlorine. I took an IQ test and the results were negative. Beer - Helping ugly people have sex since 1765 BEER: It's not just for breakfast anymore. Why drink and drive, when you can smoke and fly. Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool. If at first you do succeed, try not to look astonished. Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps. If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something. Never get into an argument with the schizophrenic person and say, "Just who do you think you are?" When she told me I was average, I figured she was just being mean. STUPIDITY should be Painful This Would Be Really Funny If It Weren't Happening To Me Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult Jesus loves you... everyone else thinks you're an ass. Atheism is a non-profit organization. The Face Is Familiar But I Can't Quite Remember My Name I Do Whatever My Rice Krispies Tell Me To It's Been Lovely But I Have To Scream Now I Haven't Lost My Mind, It's Backed Up On Disk Somewhere A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory. Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs. I killed a 6-pack just to watch it die. I said "no" to drugs, but they just wouldn't listen. Protected by .357 Magnum 3 days a week. You guess which 3
    1 point
  26. The following headlines were actually printed in newspapers: - Never Withhold Herpes Infection from Loved One - Miners Refuse to Work after Death - Include Your Children when Baking Cookies - Enfields Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide - Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead - Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says - Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers - Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted - Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin case - Survivor of Siamese Twins Joins Parents - Iraqi Head Seeks Arms - Prostitutes Appeal to Pope - Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over - British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands - Lung Cancer in Women Mushrooms - Enraged Cow Injures Farmer With Axe - Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told - Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant - War Dims Hope for Peace - Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures - Deer Kill 17,000 - Stolen Painting Found by Tree - Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy - Arson Suspect Held in Massachusetts Fire - Ban On Soliciting Dead in Trotwood - Local High School Drop-outs Cut in Half - New Vaccine May Contain Rabies - Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors - Two Sisters Reunited After 18 Years in Checkout Counter - Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years - Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges - Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge - New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group - Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft - Kids Make Nutritious Snacks - Eye Drops Off Shelf - Teachers Strike Idle Kids - Clinton Wins on Budget, But More Lies Ahead - Princess Diana Was Alive Hours Before She Died
    1 point
  27. Sonny, no it isn't a picture of mine. I think it may be a picture taken of one of the C-130H birds stationed at Great Falls. An ANG group. Looks too new to be one of the two planes I crew-chiefed on. At Naha and CCK. Acft 56-475 & 62-1804 Ken
    1 point
  28. I do believe there was a Lockheed newsletter suggesting that the scissors should be disconnected for all towing. You would have to do some research on that. It takes all of 2 minutes to disconnect the scissors, don't understand why you don't. I wonder what would happen if the tow bar was connected to the aircraft, but not the tug, ground test valve tied, aux pump turned on and nose wheel turned in one direction or the other, would the nose wheel steering center and some poor individual get knocked on his butt by the tow bar?
    1 point
  29. Youngsters aren't the only people who take out personal ads. Seniors do too! And they have a sense of humor as well. Here are funny classified ads placed by actual senior citizens in Florida plus a few from Arizona. Male, 1922, high mileage, good condition, some hair, many new parts including hip, knee, cornea, valves. Isn't in running condition, but walks well. Recent widow who has just buried fourth husband looking for someone to round out a six-unit plot. Dizziness, fainting, shortness of breath not a problem. I am into solitude, long walks, sunrises, the ocean, yoga, and meditation. If you are the silent type, let's get together, take our hearing aids out, and enjoy quiet times. Active grandmother with original teeth seeking a dedicated flosser to share rare steaks, corn on the cob, and caramel candy. I still like to rock, still like to cruise in my Camaro on Saturday nights, and still like to play the guitar. If you were a groovy chick, or are now a groovy hen, let's get together and listen to my eight-track tapes. Sexy, fashion-conscious blue-haired beauty, 80's, slim, 5' 4" (used to be 5' 6"), searching for sharp-looking, sharp-dressing companion. Matching white shoes and belt a plus. I can usually remember Monday through Thursday. If you can remember Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, let's put our two heads together. 80-year-old, bubbly, no assets, seeks handsome, virile Jewish male under 35. Object matrimony. I can dream, can't I? Wanted: Bonded escort, silver-haired (not dyed), two days a week for three active ladies, eighty-plus. Should look rich (but not too rich). Politically conservative. Good bridge player and waltzer. Sharp enough to handle six Bingo cards at once. Prefer chauffeur's license, L.P.N., and Black Belt in karate.
    1 point
  30. Studies have demonstrated that rednecks have the lowest stress rate, perhaps because they do not understand the seriousness of most medical terminology: Medical Term Redneck Definition Artery The study of paintings Bacteria Back door to cafeteria Barium What doctors do when patients die Benign What you be, after you be eight Caesarean Section A neighborhood in Rome Cat scan Searching for Kitty Cauterize Made eye contact with her Colic A sheep dog Coma A punctuation mark Dilate To live long Enema Not a friend Fester Quicker than someone else Fibula A small lie Impotent Distinguished, well known Labor Pain Getting hurt at work Medical Staff A Doctor's cane Morbid A higher offer Nitrates Rates of Pay for Working at Night, Normally more money than Days Node I knew it Outpatient A person who has fainted Pelvis Second cousin to Elvis Post Operative A letter carrier Recovery Room Place to do upholstery Rectum Nearly killed him Secretion Hiding something Seizure Roman Emperor Tablet A small table Terminal Illness Getting sick at the airport Tumor One plus one more Urine Opposite of you're out
    1 point
  31. I am a senior citizen... - I'm the life of the party... even when it lasts 'till 8pm - I'm very good at opening childproof caps with a hammer. - I'm usually interested in going home before I get to where I'm going. - I'm good on a trip for at least an hour without my aspirin, antacid... - I'm the first one to find the bathroom wherever I go. - I'm awake many hours before my body allows me to get up. - I'm smiling all the time because I can't hear a word you're saying. - I'm very good at telling stories...over and over and over and over. - I'm aware that other people's grandchildren are not as bright as mine. - I'm so cared for: long-term care, eye care, private care, dental care. - I'm not grouchy, I just don't like traffic, waiting, children, politicians... - I'm positive I did housework correctly before the Internet. - I'm sure everything I can't find is in a secure place. - I'm wrinkled, saggy and lumpy, and that's just my left leg. - I'm having trouble remembering simple words like... uh... - I'm realizing that aging is not for sissies. - I'm walking more (to the bathroom) and enjoying it less. - I'm sure they are making adults much younger these days. - I'm in the *initial* state of my golden years: SS, CD's, IRA's, AARP. - I'm wondering, if you're only as old as you feel, how could I be alive at 150? - I'm anti-everything now: anti-fat, anti-smoke, anti-noise, anti-inflammatory. - I'm a walking storeroom of facts... I've just lost the key to the storeroom. - I'm a Senior Citizen and I think I am having the time of my life... Aren't I?
    1 point
  32. Actual Newspaper Headlines: Big Rig Carrying Fruit Crashes on 210 Freeway, Creates Jam Kicking Baby Considered to be Healthy Crack Found on Governor's Daughter New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group Navy Changes Skirt Policy, Making Apparel Optional Stolen Painting Found by Tree Dead Officer on Force for 18 Years Headless Body Found in Topless Bar State Dinner Featured Cat, American Food All Utah Condemned to Face Firing Squad Robber Holds Up Albert's Hosiery Chinese Apeman Dated Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter Woman Kicked by her Husband said to be Greatly Improved Former Man Dies in California MacArthur Flies Back to Front Shut-Ins Can Grow Indoors with Lights Deer Kill 17,000 Court to Try Shooting Defendant Lucky Man Sees Pals Die Passengers Hit by Cancelled Trains New Vaccine To Contain Rabies Lucky Victim Stabbed Three Times London Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge President of Company Says, "Stud Tires Out" Arson Suspect Held in Massachusetts Fire Bridge Held Up By Red Tape Man, Minus Ear, Waives Hearing Man is Fatally Slain
    1 point
  33. How to tell if you're over caffeinated: You answer the door before people knock. You ski uphill. You get a speeding ticket even when you're parked. You speed walk in your sleep. You just completed another sweater and you don't know how to knit. You grind your coffee beans in your mouth. You sleep with your eyes open. You have to watch videos in fast-forward. The only time you're standing still is during an earthquake. You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using the timer. You lick your coffeepot clean. You're the employee of the month at the local coffeehouse and you don't even work there. You've worn out your third pair of tennis shoes this week. Your eyes stay open when you sneeze. The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse. Your T-shirt says, "Decaffeinated coffee is the devil's blend." You're so jittery that people use your hands to blend their margaritas. You can type sixty words per minute ... with your feet. You can jump-start your car without cables. Cocaine is a downer. All your kids are named "Joe". You don't need a hammer to pound nails. Your only source of nutrition comes from "Sweet & Low." You don't sweat, you percolate. You've worn out the handle on your favorite mug. You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee. You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it's not plugged in. You've built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers. People get dizzy just watching you. You've worn the finish off your coffee table. Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house. Your taste buds are so numb you could drink your lava lamp. You're so wired, you pick up FM radio. Your life's goal is to amount to a hill of beans. Instant coffee takes too long. You channel surf faster without a remote. When someone says. "How are you?", you say, "Good to the last drop." You want to be cremated just so you can spend the rest of eternity in a coffee can. You want to come back as a coffee mug in your next life. Your birthday is a national holiday in Brazil. You'd be willing to spend time in a Turkish prison. You go to sleep just so you can wake up and smell the coffee. You're offended when people use the word "brew" to mean beer. You name your cats "Cream" and "Sugar."
    1 point
  34. A professor was giving a big test one day to his students. He handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to wait. Once the test was over, the students all handed the tests back in. The professor noticed that one of the students had attached a $100 bill to his test with a note saying "A dollar per point." The next class the professor handed the tests back out. This student got back his test and $56 change.
    1 point
  35. I had a blind date last night but before it I was worried what to do if she was really unattractive. My friend told me not to worry as there’s an app for just that situation. It’s called “Mom Are You Ok” and it schedules your phone to ring just after you meet your date. If you like her, you just ignore your phone. If you want to cut short the date, you answer with, “Mom? What’s the matter? Are you okay?” It works every time, no worries. So anyway, I knocked on the girl’s door and it turns out I needn’t have worried at all. She was absolutely gorgeous and stunning! But just when I was about to speak to her, her phone rang. She answered it and said, “Mom? What’s the matter? Are you okay?”
    1 point
  36. A teacher asks the kids in her 3rd grade class: "What do you want to be when you grow up?" Little Larry says: "I wanna start out as a Fighter Pilot, then be a billionaire, go to the most expensive clubs, find me the finest whore, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Copacabana, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel throughout Europe, an Infinite Visa Card, and all the while banging her like a loose screen door in a hurricane." The teacher, shocked and not knowing what to do with this horrible response from little Larry, decides not to acknowledge what he said and simply tries to continue with the lesson. "And how about you, Sarah?" "I wanna be Larry’s whore..."
    1 point
  37. A man goes to the confessional and says, "Forgive me Father, for I have sinned." "What is your sin, my child?" the Priest asks. "Well," the man starts, "I used the 'F'-word today and I feel so terrible." "Why don't you tell me what happened. What made you use such awful language?" asked the Priest. "Well, I was out golfing and I hit this incredible drive that looked like it was going to go over 250 yards, but the ball hit a phone line hanging over the fairway and fell straight down to the ground after going about 100 yards." "I'm a golfer myself my son" said the Priest "I understand what you were feeling. So this is when you swore?" "No Father," said the man, "You see, after that a squirrel ran out of the bushes and grabbed my ball in his mouth and began to run away." "And this is when you swore?" asked the Father again. "No not yet. Just as the squirrel was running away, this eagle came down out of the sky and grabbed the squirrel in his talons and began to fly away!" "And it was then that you swore?" asked the amazed Priest. "No, not yet," replied the man, "Just as the eagle was flying away with the squirrel he flew towards a wooded area next to the green. And as he passed over it, the squirrel dropped my ball." "Did you swear then, my son?" asked the now impatient Priest. "No, because as the ball fell it struck a tree, bounced through some bushes, careened off a big rock, and then rolled through a sand trap and on to the green and stopped dead six inches from the hole!" told the man. The priest sighed, "You missed the putt, didn't you?!! .
    1 point
  38. Hello everyone, I was the The Airforce Loadmaster on the lead aircraft C-130 that dropped the 15,000 pound Blu-82 bomb on the island of Koh Tang. The pilot was captain Denny way. We circled in the area for over 10 hours while waiting for the order to drop it. Had we had been authorized to drop it earlier. Maybe we could have help save many of our or marine brothers lives. Our government sends us to war. They want us to be willing to give our lives for our country but unwilling to let us fight it without their interference from 12,000 miles away. They did it in Vietnam, Iraq and Afghanistan. We, the boots on the ground, did not lose these wars, the fat assed Generals and politicians did!
    1 point
  39. Excel file I made some time ago, performance accurate to about 0.2% most of the time. Perf PPC v2.1.xlsx
    1 point
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