Mt.crewchief

Homeless Man's Funeral As a bagpiper, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper's cemetery in the Nova back country. As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost and I didn't stop for directions. I finally arrived an hour late and saw the funeral guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight. There were only the diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch. I felt badly and apologized to the men for being late. I went to the side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was already in place. I didn't know what else to do, so I started to play. The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. I played out my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends. I played like I've never played before for this homeless man. And as I played Amazing Grace, the workers began to weep. They wept, I wept, we all wept together. When I finished, I packed up my bagpipes and started for my car. Though my head hung low, my heart was full. As I opened the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say, "I never seen nothing like that before and I've been putting in septic tanks for twenty years." Apparently I'm still lost.

> > > > It is becoming a very scary world out there . . . . . > > Another Famous American converts to Islam ... > > It was announced today that Buckwheat, > > Of Our Gang fame, Has converted To > > The Muslim faith and changed his name to: > > Kareem of Wheat. > > I just hope he doesn't become a cereal killer! > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > >

Tech support: What kind of computer do you have? Customer: A white one... Tech support: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen. Customer: Your left or my left? **************************** Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try, it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it.. **************************** Tech support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am? Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me at the 7-11. **************************** Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore. Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer? Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer. Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back. Customer: ! OK Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you? Customer: Yes Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. **************************** Customer: I can't get on the Internet. Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password? Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it. Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was? Customer: Five dots. **************************** Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use? Customer: Netscape. Tech support: That's not an anti-virus program. Customer: Oh, sorry... Internet Explorer.. **************************** Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears. **************************** Tech support: How may I help you? Customer: I'm writing my first email. Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem? Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the little circle around it? **************************** This one and the next are our personal favorites! A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer. Tech support: Are you running it under windows? Customer: 'No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine.' **************************** And last but not least! Tech support: 'Okay Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter 'P' to bring up the Program Manager.' Customer: I don't have a P. Tech support: On your keyboard, Bob. Customer: What do you mean? Tech support: 'P'.....on your keyboard, Bob. Customer: I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT! Image removed by sender.

Fred, Thanks for the movie! I was able to download it so I can watch it anytime I want! Very interesting!!

Chris, I plan on going to the premier -----of course only if it's in Billings! Movie and popcorn is on me!!!! Anyone else interested? Ken

:D

A guy walked into a crowded bar, waving his model 1911 Colt .45 caliber pistol with an 8 round magazine, and yelled, "Who in here has been sleeping with my wife?" A voice from the back of the bar yelled back, "You need more ammo."

Sparks, that's a good question. I have seen them used at an Air Show at Naha and one other time but never knew anybody on board!!

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- To my Sweet Valentine Collards is green, my dog's name is Blue And I'm so lucky to have a sweet thang like you. Yore hair is like cornsilk a-flapping in the breeze. Softer than Blue's and without all them fleas. You move like the bass, which excite me in May. You ain't got no scales but I luv you anyway. Yo're as satisfy'n as okry jist a-fry'n in the pan. Yo're as fragrant as "snuff" right out of the can. You have some'a yore teeth, for which I am proud; I hold my head high when we're in a crowd. On special occasions, when you shave under yore arms, Well, I'm in hawg heaven, and awed by yore charms. Still them fellers at work, they all want to know, What I did to deserve such a purdy, young doe. Like a good roll of duct tape yo're there fer yore man, To patch up life's troubles and fix what you can. Yo're as cute as a junebug a-buzzin' overhead. You ain't mean like those far ants I found in my bed. Cut from the best cloth like a plaid flannel shirt, You spark up my life more than a fresh load of dirt. When you hold me real tight like a padded gunrack, My life is complete; Ain't nuttin' I lack. Yore complexion, it's perfection, like the best vinyl sidin'. Despite all the years, yore age, it keeps hidin'. Me 'n' you's like a Moon Pie with a RC cold drank, We go together like a skunk goes with stank. Some men, they buy chocolate for Valentine's Day; They git it at Wal-Mart, it's romantic that way. Some men git roses on that special day From the cooler at Target. "That's impressive," I say. Some men buy fine diamonds from a flea market booth. "Diamonds are forever," they explain, suave and couth. But for this Ole Cajun, honey, these won't do. Cause yo’re too special, you sweet thang you. I got you a gift, without taste nor odor; more useful than diamonds. IT'S A NEW TROLL'N MOTOR!

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- After being married for thirty years, a wife asked her husband to describe her. He looked at her for a while, then said, "You're A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K." She asks ... "What the hell does that mean?" He said,"Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Foxy, Gorgeous, and Hot". She smiled happily and said ..... "Oh, that's so lovely. What about I, J, K?" He said, "I'm Just Kidding!" The swelling in his eye is going down and the doctor is fairly optimistic about saving his testicles.

Don, that must have been in the old "brown shoes" days!!!

Giz, I hear ya!!! Thanks guys for the birthday wishes. My Mom (97), says I was born at 2:30 AM that day. Maybe I can find some paperwork on that!!! CRS you know!!! Ken

Not a tough choice---I am going to Chris's birthday party!!!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY tinwhistle Have a good one , your friend, Ken aka Mt.crewchief I am a day early, but probably wouldn't remember it tomorrow!

Bob, I took your advice and sent a letter off to Yakota. ---I hope to the right place! I will let you know what happens! Thanks, Ken

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A British citizen sitting at a stop light: I was sitting at a red stop light yesterday, minding my own business, patiently waiting for it to turn green even though there was no on-coming traffic. A carload of loud, bearded, young Muslims, shouting anti-English slogans, with a half-burned Union Jack duct-taped to the boot lid of their car and a "Remember 9-11" slogan, spray-painted on the side, was stopped next to me. Suddenly they yelled, "Allah U Akbar!!" and took off before the light changed. Out of nowhere a bus came speeding through the junction and ran directly over their car, crushing it completely and killing everyone in it. For several minutes I sat in my car thinking to myself, "My God, that could have been me!" So today, bright and early, I went out and got a job as a bus driver.

Thanks for the tip Bob. Is there an address for the 374 AW or do you think I could just look it up on Google? Ken

I have a question that maybe one of you guys can answer for me. Does the USAF keep records of daily missions? Also if they do, do they keep them in an archive somewhere? The reason I ask, is while reading many books on the ground war/infantry actions in Viet Nam, I have discovered that most of the books I have read the authors have been able to go back to their unit records and check their memories with what actually happened on what mission and what day! Names and everything! I am still looking for any records/missions that would include my experiences on Jan 1st. 1968. If they did keep a daily log on each acft or mission, would they still be available? As the years go by, I can still remember the mission like it just happened, but now I am wondering if I screwed up the date!!! Also, the only guy I knew on the aircraft that day was the assistant crew-chief on the plane (56-0475), Dan Lafferty. Do any of you guys know or remember him? Would it do any good to just concentrate on missions in Viet Nam by the 374th TAW? The plane involved was in the 35th TAS. One more question,how would I find out the same info about the Blind Bat missions? If anybody has any suggestions, I would appreciate hearing them. Either here on the forum or via PM or e-mail. Thanks for the help, Ken

I watched it but didn't like the outcome!!!! The Seahawks did kick some butt didn't they!!!!!

BREAKING NEWS Let it be known "Big Timber declares War on the USA" President Barack Obama was in the Oval Office when his telephone rang. ... "Hello, President Obama," a heavily accented Norwegian voice said. "'Dis here is Sven, over here at the Muni Liquor Store in Big Timber, Montana. Ve don't like some a yer policies so I am callin' to tell ya that we are officially declaring war on ya!" "Well, Sven," Barack replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is your army?" "Right now," said Sven, after a moment's calculation, "there is myself, my cousin Knute, my next-door-neighbor Ole, and the whole pool team from the Muni " Barack paused, "I must tell you Sven that I have one million men in my army waiting to move on my command." "Wow," said Sven, "I'll haf at call ya back!" Sure enough, the next day, Sven called again. "Mr. Obama, DA war is still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!" "And what equipment would that be, Sven?" Barack asked. "Vell sir, ve got two combines, a bulldozer, and Sigurd's farm tractor." President Obama sighed. "I must tell you Sven, that I have 16,000 tanks and 14,000 armored personnel carriers. Also I've increased my army to one and a half million since we last spoke." "All right den, said Sven. "I'll be getting back to ya." Sure enough, Sven rang again the next day... "President Obama, da war is still on! We have managed to git ourselves airborne! We up an' modified Ole's ultra-light vit a couple'a shotguns in da cockpit, and four boys from the coffee shop haf joined us as vell!" Barack was silent for a minute then cleared his throat. "I must tell you, Sven, that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes. My military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I've increased my army to TWO MILLION" "Tu million you say?," said Sven, "l'll haf' to call you back." Sure enough, Sven called again the next day. "President Obama! I am sorry to have to tell you that ve off had to call off dis here war." "I'm sorry to hear that," said Barack. "...why the sudden change of heart?" Vell, sir," said Sven, " ve all sat ourselves down and had a long chat over a few beers, and come to realize that there's yust no vay ve can feed two million prisoners." BIG TIMBER CONFIDENCE CANNOT BE SHAKEN ________________

Chris, nice APR! When I managed to get all of my records a couple years ago, I discovered I was recommended for promotion etc. etc. And--I did get promoted to E-5 before I got out at Dover. I was a Crew Chief there and at CCK and was ready to stay in until I met up with the C-133's!! Also, after 33 months in South East Asia , the stateside bullshit (pardon the harsh words), was more than I wanted to handle! I still would have re-enlisted if they could have promised or even lied to me that I would get an assignment where I could go to Europe on TDY's . They couldn't do it so I got out! I wanted to be a crew chief forever or better yet a FE. Also, I think the reason I got promoted to E-5 was my time in grade. I was sworn in on a 120 day deferment in 1966 before I went active in Jan 67. I would have loved to have given my promotion to somebody like you who was career minded! If only we could do things over!!, Ken

I don't know anything about the STEP program, but I do know SEFEGeorge has a way with words!!!! :D

Giz, Maybe Bob won't be able to do that for you! I heard he is an Honest man!!!!!! Ken

Weather Conditions --- Just got off the phone with a friend who lives in North Dakota. She said that since early this morning the snow has been nearly waist high and is still falling. The temperature is 32 below zero and the north wind is increasing to near gale force. Wind chill is -59. Her husband has done nothing but look through the kitchen window and just stare. She says that if it gets much worse, she may have to let the drunken bastard in.

Those kind of stories about Jane and Ted have been floating around Montana ever since they bought the Flying D ranch on the Gallatin River. I do know guys that have seen them at cafes in the area and they just said the Turners were kind of snooty and didn't talk to anybody! After the story about the Oasis in Manhattan I happened to be in Manhattan for a volley ball tournament and decided to eat there. There was no sign (pictures, etc.) of the Turners on the walls etc. like there are of the rest of the movie stars that own ranches in the area. The snopes thing is probably right as much as that disappoints me! I have never heard of them being in Billings but they probably have. Giz, you heard this on the internet and you can take it to the bank!!!!!!!!! Ken

This good ol’ boy has a point..... The Old Pipeliner Says... Participating in a gun buy back program because you think that criminals have too many guns is like having yourself castrated because you think your neighbors have too many kids...