Sonny's Funnies
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Somebody once asked an American soldier what, in his opinion, gave the American Army its special punch. Optimism, he answered. You see it’s like this. The captain asks for 100 volunteers. So we volunteer. Then he says: It’s my duty to warn you that 99 of you will probably be killed. Well, this throws us for a minute. Then every one of those 100 soldiers heaves a sigh, looks around, and says to himself: Shucks, I’m gonna miss the boys. snowyday Most of the jokes I am listing are from 1943 - 1949 Newspapers.
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Subject: ORIGIN OF THE WORD "AVIATOR" This explains it all. Aviators come from a long line of a secret society, formed around one thousand years ago. They are warriors, and here is the proof! Ground pounders can read it and weep! A little known fact is the origin of the word, "Aviator." In the immortal words of Johnny Carson: "I did not know that." Phu Khen (pronounced Foo Ken) 1169-? is considered by some to be the most under-recognized military officer in history. Many have never heard of his contributions to modern military warfare. The mission of this secret society is to bring honor to the name of Phu Khen. A 'Khen' was a subordinate t…
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Gus Edwards, Mechanic’s Mate, is one of the Navy’s most seasoned tale spinners. One day he was sitting with a group of English tars, discussing the relative merits of British and American ships. “I’m curious about your carriers,†one English tar said, How fast are they?†Old Gus looked at him and replied, “To tell you the truth, I don’t know. We’ve never really opened them up. All they’ve been required to do so far is to keep up with the planes.†* * * snowyday
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A psychiatrist in testing the mentality of a young soldier asked: Do you ever hear voices without being able to tell who is speaking or where the voices come from? Yes, answered the young soldier. And when does this occur? When I answer the telephone. * * * snowyday
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Especially annoyed at the slowness of Private Smith, the sergeant-major strode up to him. What was your job in civil life? He barked. Bank Clerk, said Smith. I suppose, sneered the sergeant-major, you dusted the desks and washed out the ink wells and made nice cups of tea for the manager. Oh, no, sir, replied Smith, we kept an old sergeant-major for those jobs. * * * I get these jokes from 1940's newspapers when every able bodied man was in the military. Snowyday
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A new chapel had been built near an Army camp, and to insure attendance the colonel ordered his top kick to march a battalion of men up to the Sunday morning service. After a tough Saturday night fellows weren’t too pleased, nor did their resentment abate, when, inspired by the full attendance, the pastor held forth for over an hour. When service was over, he still had another treat for them. Producing an armful of candles he gave one to each soldier, saying he would lead a march through the crypt of the church and show them some interesting sights. But, bless my soul, he concluded. I thought I counted most carefully, but I find I have one candle too many. …
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From the Associated Press comes a story they’re telling in the Caribbean---and swearing it’s true: A transport lay in the harbor getting ready to sail with a detachment of troops ordered back to the good ol’ U.S.A. The soldiers stood about beside their barracks bags, awaiting their turn to go up the gangplank. Suddenly, from the group, one broke and ran, shouting at the top of his voice. “I’m not going aboard that boat, and you can’t make me!†Two burly M.P.’s gave chase. Quickly they overhauled him. A lusty session of rough-and-tumble ensued, at the end of which the fugitive, overpowered, was half carried aboard ship. The M.P.’s rubbed their…
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In the days just before Pearl Harbor our citizen soldiers weren’t always too highly regarded by the folks who lived near the southern camp when I was trying to learn to be a military man. One blistering summer day found my outfit slogging down a back-country road, sweltering under full field packs. A bend in the road disclosed a barefoot farm boy, holding the halter of an exceedingly poor mule. One of the company wits, always eager to bait a rustic, sang out: “Say, sonny, why are you holding your brother so tight?†Back flashed the reply, “To keep the darn fool from joining the army.†* * *
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A fond mother received the following letter from her son: “Dear Mum—I joined the Navy because I liked the way the ships were kept so clean and tidy. But I never knew until this week who keeps them so clean and tidy,--Love Jimmy.†* * *
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An old lady living in the country had a son in the Navy. On one of her rare visits to a neighboring town she saw a sailor. Trembling with excitement she asked him if he knew her boy. She told him his name. “Well, what ship is he on?†asked the sailor. “What ship?†exclaimed the old lady. “Are there two?†* * *
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“I have come to join my husband,†said Mrs. Smith, arriving at the Golden Gate. “Delighted to meet you, ma’am,†replied the keeper. “What was your husband’s name?†“Joseph Smith.†“I’m afraid that will not be sufficient for us to identify him. You see we have quite a lot of Joseph Smith’s up here. Are there any other means by which I can identify him?†“Well before he died he told me that if I ever kissed another man he would turn over in his grave.†“Oh, I know the chap. Up here we call him “Whirling Joe!†* * * Snowyday
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This is the story of John Mule, late of the United States Coast Guard. It couldn’t happen anywhere but here. One day the sailors at the Coast Guard depot in Curtis Bay, Maryland, wearying of hauling coal in wheelbarrows to fuel their ships, pooled their funds and purchased a mule to do their hauling for them. But mules must eat, and the pay of a Coast Guard sailor hardly provided for feeding a mule. The problem was temporarily solved by enlisting the mule in the Coast Guard, putting his name on the official payroll as John Mule, fireman third class. But fireman third class, John Mule proved to be an extremely hearty eater, and soon they found if necessary to prom…
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“I have a pain in my abdomen.†The recruit told the Army doctor. “Young man,†the doctor replied, “officers have abdomens, sergeants have stomachs, you have a belly ache.†Times Record of Troy, New York, December 24, 1943. * * * Snowyday
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On the day that Hitler seized power over his countrymen, a famous professor of economics in Heidelberg was asked what he would do if he suddenly got a letter from the Gestapo. “For one thing,†he replied, “I would finish reading it on the train.†Snowyday
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A United States Army Major stationed in Australia decided to go on a kangaroo hunt. He climbed into his jeep and instructed his driver to proceed to the plains in quest of a kangaroo. Soon they spotted one, and the driver drove the jeep in hot pursuit. For some time they went at breakneck speed without gaining on the animal. Finally the driver shouted to the Major: “Ain’t no use chasing that thing, sir!†“Why.†Sam?†“Cause we is now doin’ sixty-five, and that critter ain’t put his front feet down yet!†* * * from a 1945 newspaper snowyday
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From a 1946 newspaper: The old sailor had retired from the sea. Each morning a youngster knocked at his door, went in, and came out again. After this had gone on for some weeks the curiosity of the neighbors was aroused. “Tell me,†said one neighbor to the youngster, “why do you visit that old sailor every morning?†“Well, sir, he gives me a nickel if I say to him. “The captain wants you immediately!†“And what does he say to that?†“He says, “Tell the captain to go to the devil!†* * * Snowyday
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She: “What do you do in the Navy?†He: “I’m a bone specialist.†She: “Oh, you set them? He: “No, I roll ‘em.†Snowyday
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From 1943 A certain officer’s confidential report had written on it, by his commanding officer: “This officer should go far.†The Brigadier added: “The farther the better†The divisional commander wrote: “He should start at once.†snowyday
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Cleared to land but runway condition, RCR is, ahhh, maybe 12...... [ATTACH]1929[/ATTACH]
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USAF reactions to this event follow: Air Education and Training Command: The purpose is to familiarize the chicken with road-crossing procedures. Road-crossing should be performed only between the hours of sunset and sunrise. Solo chickens must have at least three miles of visibility and a safety observer. Special Ops: The chicken crossed at a 90 degree angle to avoid prolonged exposure to a line of communication. To achieve maximum surprise, the chicken should have performed this maneuver at night using NVG’s, preferably near a road bend in a valley. Air Combat Command: The chicken should log this as a GCC sortie only if road-crossing qualified. The crossin…
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This is so funny-- Click here: Understanding Southern - Bill Cosby
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Age VS Youth F16 vs C-130 A C-130 was lumbering along when a cocky F-16 flashed by. The jet jockey decided to show off. The fighter jock told the C-130 pilot, 'watch this!' and promptly Went into a barrel roll followed by a steep climb. He then finished With a sonic boom as he broke the sound barrier. The F-16 pilot Asked the C-130 pilot what he thought of that? The C-130 pilot said, 'That was impressive, but watch this!' The C-130 droned along for about 5 minutes and then the C-130 Pilot came back on and said: 'What did you think of that?' Puzzled, the F-16 pilot asked, 'What the heck did you do?' The C-130 pilot chuc…
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Looking for that Tom Wilson bit reminded me of this I have a file of about 365 B&T skits - so if you want more Uncle BS stories, I'd have to look through that.
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I guy named Bob retired from his first job in his early 50s; after a short time he realized he needed something else to do or he would go nuts. He took a job at a small production company and excelled at everything he was assigned and took the initiative to to improve/streamline things. He only had one fault....he was 5-15 minutes late every morning. Finally his boss called him in....."Bob, we're very pleased with your performance, in fact you've exceeded all expectations except one. You're late every morning. Now I see here that you retired from the Air Force; I can't believe an outfit like that would tolerate something like this. Did this happen there too?" "Yes"…
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