Sonny's Funnies
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From 1943 A certain officer’s confidential report had written on it, by his commanding officer: “This officer should go far.†The Brigadier added: “The farther the better†The divisional commander wrote: “He should start at once.†snowyday
Last reply by snowyday, -
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Cleared to land but runway condition, RCR is, ahhh, maybe 12...... [ATTACH]1929[/ATTACH]
Last reply by INS/Dopplertroop, -
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USAF reactions to this event follow: Air Education and Training Command: The purpose is to familiarize the chicken with road-crossing procedures. Road-crossing should be performed only between the hours of sunset and sunrise. Solo chickens must have at least three miles of visibility and a safety observer. Special Ops: The chicken crossed at a 90 degree angle to avoid prolonged exposure to a line of communication. To achieve maximum surprise, the chicken should have performed this maneuver at night using NVG’s, preferably near a road bend in a valley. Air Combat Command: The chicken should log this as a GCC sortie only if road-crossing qualified. The crossin…
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Last reply by davis, -
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This is so funny-- Click here: Understanding Southern - Bill Cosby
Last reply by Dan Wilson, -
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Age VS Youth F16 vs C-130 A C-130 was lumbering along when a cocky F-16 flashed by. The jet jockey decided to show off. The fighter jock told the C-130 pilot, 'watch this!' and promptly Went into a barrel roll followed by a steep climb. He then finished With a sonic boom as he broke the sound barrier. The F-16 pilot Asked the C-130 pilot what he thought of that? The C-130 pilot said, 'That was impressive, but watch this!' The C-130 droned along for about 5 minutes and then the C-130 Pilot came back on and said: 'What did you think of that?' Puzzled, the F-16 pilot asked, 'What the heck did you do?' The C-130 pilot chuc…
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Looking for that Tom Wilson bit reminded me of this I have a file of about 365 B&T skits - so if you want more Uncle BS stories, I'd have to look through that.
Last reply by Fräulein, -
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I guy named Bob retired from his first job in his early 50s; after a short time he realized he needed something else to do or he would go nuts. He took a job at a small production company and excelled at everything he was assigned and took the initiative to to improve/streamline things. He only had one fault....he was 5-15 minutes late every morning. Finally his boss called him in....."Bob, we're very pleased with your performance, in fact you've exceeded all expectations except one. You're late every morning. Now I see here that you retired from the Air Force; I can't believe an outfit like that would tolerate something like this. Did this happen there too?" "Yes"…
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This was an activity listing at a resort we were at in Orlando. This is just a wrong name for a scheduled activity, especially behind the playground. WRONG, WRONG, WRONG.
Last reply by tinyclark, -
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Not necessarily my thoughts. How do you starve a Democrat? Hide their food stamps under their work boots.
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On the following map in getting directions enter Japan in A and China in B, scrool down to #43 > http://maps.google.com/maps?hl=en&tab=wl
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1. Never pee on the electric fence. 2. Never fry bacon while naked.
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A professor at the Virginia Tech was giving a lecture on 'Involuntary Muscular Contractions' to his first year medical students.* *Realizing this was not the most riveting subject, the professor decided to lighten the mood slightly* *He pointed to a young woman in the front row and said, 'Do you know what your ass hole is doing while you're having an orgasm?'* *She replied, 'Probably deer hunting with his buddies.'* *It took 45 minutes to restore order in the classroom.........*
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We all need a good Laugh... Judas Asparagus If you need a laugh today, then this should do it! A child was asked to write a book report on the entire Bible. This is amazing and brought tears of laughter to my eyes. I wonder how often we take for granted that children understand what we are teaching??? Through the eyes of a child: The Children's Bible in a Nutshell In the beginning, which occurred near the start, there was nothing but God, darkness, and some gas. The Bible says, 'The Lord thy God is one, but I think He must be a lot older than that. Anyway, God said, 'Give m…
Last reply by uncleglenn, -
HER DIARY Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it. Conversation wasn't flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn't say much. I asked him what was wrong; He said, 'Nothing.' I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said he wasn't upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it. On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior …
Last reply by tinyclark, -
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There I was at six thousand feet over central Iraq, two hundred eighty knots and we're dropping faster than Paris Hilton's panties. It's a typical September evening in the Persian Gulf; hotter than a rectal thermometer and I'm sweating like a priest at a Cub Scout meeting. But that's neither here nor there. The night is moonless over Baghdad tonight, and blacker than a Steven King novel. But it's 2004, folks, and I'm sporting the latest in night-combat technology. Namely, hand-me-down night vision goggles (NVGs) thrown out by the fighter boys. Additionally, my 1962 Lockheed C-130E Hercules is equipped with an obsolete, yet, semi-effective missile warning system…
Last reply by TSgtRet, -
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[ATTACH]1748[/ATTACH] [ATTACH]1749[/ATTACH] [ATTACH]1752[/ATTACH]
Last reply by CharlieLifeSupport, -
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Preparing For A Career As A Military Pilot This was sent from an aspiring young man who wanted to become a pilot ... a fighter pilot; Sir: I am D. J. Baker and I would appreciate it if you could tell me what it takes to be an F-16 fighter pilot in the USAF. What classes should I take in high school to help the career I want to take later in life? What could I do to get into the Air Force Academy? Sincerely, DJ Baker ********************************************* From: Van Wickler, Kenneth, Lt Col, HQ AETC Anybody in our outfit want to help this poor kid from Cyberspace? LTC Wickler ********************************************** A worldly and j…
Last reply by CharlieLifeSupport, -
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1. The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.. He acquired his size from too much pi. 2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian 3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still. 4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption. 5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery. 6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering. 7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart. 8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie. 9. A hole…
Last reply by jetcal1, -
"Wow, this is a keeper!" OK, maybe not...
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There's an old sea story about a ship's Captain who inspected his sailors, and afterward told the first mate that his men smelled bad. The Captain suggested perhaps it would help if the sailors would change underwear occasionally. The first mate responded, "Aye, aye sir, I'll see to it immediately!" The first mate went straight to the sailors berth deck and announced, "The Captain thinks you guys smell bad and wants you to change your underwear." He continued, " Leo you change with Jerry. Tony you change with Bert and Bob you change with Ed." THE MORAL OF THE STORY: Someone may come along and promise "Change", but don't count on thi…
Last reply by tinyclark, -
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POLK COUNTY FLORIDA SHERIFF GRADY JUDD An illegal alien in Polk County Florida who got pulled over in a routine traffic stop on September 28, 2009 ended up 'executing' the deputy who stopped him. The deputy was shot eight times, including once behind his right ear at close …
Last reply by bobdaley, -
I've been here in Georgia for 3 years now, but I'm not getting this. WTF?
Last reply by KF4DVG, -
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A man went to the hospital for a vasectomy. Before the procedure was to take place, a nurse came in to check his vitals. Then she asked him to take his clothes off. When he had undressed, she instructed him to lie down on the table. Then the nurse took off her clothes, climbed on top of him and had her way with him. Afterwards, the startled man tried to catch his breath and then he asked her what that was all about. She explained that studies have shown that, before a vasectomy, if the man ejaculates, he will be more relaxed and procedure becomes easier for the surgeon. Then the nurse wheeled the man over to the operating room. While they were tr…
Last reply by uncleglenn, -
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A young couple joined a new church and the pastor told them, "We require all new member couples to abstain from sex for one whole month." The couple agreed, but after two weeks returned to see the pastor. The wife was crying and the husband was obviously depressed. 'You are back so soon, is there a problem?' inquired the pastor. 'We did not manage to abstain from sex for the required month,' the young man replied sadly. "The first week we managed to abstain through sheer will power. The second week was terrible and as we began the third week we were powerless." The pastor asked what happened. The young man replied, "My wife reached for a can of p…
Last reply by SEFEGeorge,