Sonny's Funnies
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The skipper of a tramp steamer, writing in the log, recording an eventful day, rounded off his task with the entry: “Mate intoxicated.†To the mate, who indignantly protested on reading it, the skipper retorted: “Well, it’s true, isn’t it?†The following day it was the mate’s duty to write the log. He completed his account with “Skipper sober.†The captain stared at it for a moment, and exploded. “Well, it’s true, ain’t it?†was the mate’s rejoinder. * * * Snowyday
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A man on the coast of Florida wrote to a New York store for a new barometer. When it arrived he unpacked it and discovered that the instrument was set at “Hurricane.†He tapped it, and it did not budge. He hung it up, tapped it again, and still it did not budge. Very angry, he wrote a strong letter to the store and then went out to mail it. When he returned his house as well as the new barometer had blown away. * * * * snowyday P.S. I don't write them, I just copy them from old newspapers.
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Alice’s new beau had hardly got seated on the parlor sofa when her little brother brought him a glass of water.†The young man drank it and returned the glass to the small boy who looked disgusted. “He don’t,†he said audibly to his sister. “Doesn’t what, dear?†said the girl. “Why, he don’t drink any different from anyone else, and pop said he drank like a fish.†* * * * snowyday
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A woman who had driven the other members of a first-aid class nearly frantic by her continual criticism of the whole idea turned up one morning a complete convert—first-aid training was a wonderful thing. “Why,†she said, yesterday I was sitting at home when I heard a screeching of brakes and then a terrific crash. Two cars had upturned right in front of our gate and four people were lying in the road. One woman had a deep cut in her arm, two men had broken legs and another severe lacerations of the face. But, thank heaven, I remembered exactly what you had taught me. So I bent over and put my head between my knees—and I didn’t faint. * * * snowyday
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The trucker was very much surprised to get a call from a man who said he had to have a dead horse, but nevertheless offered to help. The dead horse was found. “Now,†said the ‘client,’ “I want you to drive to my house with him.†By now the trucker thought the man was crazy, but he was getting paid for the job, so off he went. Arriving at the house, he was told to take the dead horse in and up to the bathroom and put it in the bath tub. “You mean to say you want this dead horse put in your bath tub?†“That’s what I said†So the dead horse was placed in the bath tub, with much effort. But when he had been paid the trucker could stand it n…
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Two sailors returning to their base late one night lost their way. Said Joe: “Hey Mac, we must be in the cemetery. There’s a gravestone.†“Yeah,†said Mac. “Whose is it?†Joe lit a match and replied, “I dunno but he sure lived to a ripe old age of 175.†“Well, what’s his name?†insisted Mac. Joe lit another match and replied, Some guy named Miles from Memphis. * * * snowyday
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The barmaid was a flirt, and, when the corporal went out to buy a paper she leaned invitingly over the bar with her face close to the private’s. “Now’s your chance, darling†she whispered. The private looked around the room. It was empty. “So it is,†he remarked—and promptly drained the corporals glass. * * * Snowyday
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Came across this pic and thought i'd post it.... [ATTACH]2122[/ATTACH]
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The youthful mountaineer from Kentucky was serving his first week in the Army. He walked out of the barracks and came face to face with his commanding officer. “Mawnin’, mister, he said in greeting. The C.O. halted him, and then proceeded to take him to task for not saluting. “Land sakes,†the youngster said when the lecture was finished. “If I’d knowed you was gonna carry on so, I wouldn’t a spoke a-tall.†1946 * * * Snowyday
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Natives of the New Guinea mountain country looked upon U. S. Army doctors as miracle men, capable of any accomplishment they desire. This often led to complications while American forces were occupying the island. One day, a village chief, or head man, appeared at a field installation. He was suffering a severe toothache, and was told that the torturing molar would have to be pulled. “Okay,†he said. “But when Merica-fella stop ache, me want tooth put back in.†* * * Snowyday
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As the battalion marched on, one weary soldier fell out. Sitting down by the roadside he took off his boots to rest his feet. “How far is it to the camp?†he asked a passing farmhand. “About four miles as the crow flies†was the reply. “Ay,†replied the soldier, “but s’pose the blinkin’ crow had to carry a rifle and pack weighing ‘arf a ton and with blisters on both heels, how far is it then?†* * * Snowyday
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"from the forties" The sergeant was trying to train an awkward squad of recruits from New Jersey. “Ten shun! About turn!†he roared. Then, as he viewed the hopeless mix-up, he went on: “As you were!†Most of the men shuffled into the last position, but Private Jones stood still, looking vacantly ahead. “You!†snapped the sergeant. I said “As you were!†“I ‘eard, sarge,†replied Jones, un-happily, “but ‘ow were I?†* * * Snowyday
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A Red Cross worker on a remote Pacific island called the Army command to report a disease peculiar to the tropics: “We have a case of beriberi here. What shall we do?†The following reply came: “Give it to the Sea Bees, they’ll drink anything.†* * * Snowyday
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The inventor of a new type of hand grenade says: “You merely press a small projection on the casing, a detonator explodes the charge, and there you are.†Or aren’t, as the case may be. 1943 newspaper * * * Snowyday
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A visitor at the Army’s brand new Pentagon Building recently was startled by ominous rumblings in an adjacent corridor. “Don’t be alarmed,†said the Colonel with whom she was conferring, “that is simply the redeployment of the LSDs. Generals are mapping strategy, and careful study has been made on their disposition. “But what are LSDs?†inquired the visitor. “Large Steel Desks.†The Colonel said. New York Newspaper 3 Apr 1946 * * * Snowyday
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Who are those people who are cheering, asked the draftee, as the soldiers marched to the train. Those, replied the veteran, are the people who are not going. Snowyday
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Somebody once asked an American soldier what, in his opinion, gave the American Army its special punch. Optimism, he answered. You see it’s like this. The captain asks for 100 volunteers. So we volunteer. Then he says: It’s my duty to warn you that 99 of you will probably be killed. Well, this throws us for a minute. Then every one of those 100 soldiers heaves a sigh, looks around, and says to himself: Shucks, I’m gonna miss the boys. snowyday Most of the jokes I am listing are from 1943 - 1949 Newspapers.
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Subject: ORIGIN OF THE WORD "AVIATOR" This explains it all. Aviators come from a long line of a secret society, formed around one thousand years ago. They are warriors, and here is the proof! Ground pounders can read it and weep! A little known fact is the origin of the word, "Aviator." In the immortal words of Johnny Carson: "I did not know that." Phu Khen (pronounced Foo Ken) 1169-? is considered by some to be the most under-recognized military officer in history. Many have never heard of his contributions to modern military warfare. The mission of this secret society is to bring honor to the name of Phu Khen. A 'Khen' was a subordinate t…
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Gus Edwards, Mechanic’s Mate, is one of the Navy’s most seasoned tale spinners. One day he was sitting with a group of English tars, discussing the relative merits of British and American ships. “I’m curious about your carriers,†one English tar said, How fast are they?†Old Gus looked at him and replied, “To tell you the truth, I don’t know. We’ve never really opened them up. All they’ve been required to do so far is to keep up with the planes.†* * * snowyday
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A psychiatrist in testing the mentality of a young soldier asked: Do you ever hear voices without being able to tell who is speaking or where the voices come from? Yes, answered the young soldier. And when does this occur? When I answer the telephone. * * * snowyday
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Especially annoyed at the slowness of Private Smith, the sergeant-major strode up to him. What was your job in civil life? He barked. Bank Clerk, said Smith. I suppose, sneered the sergeant-major, you dusted the desks and washed out the ink wells and made nice cups of tea for the manager. Oh, no, sir, replied Smith, we kept an old sergeant-major for those jobs. * * * I get these jokes from 1940's newspapers when every able bodied man was in the military. Snowyday
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A new chapel had been built near an Army camp, and to insure attendance the colonel ordered his top kick to march a battalion of men up to the Sunday morning service. After a tough Saturday night fellows weren’t too pleased, nor did their resentment abate, when, inspired by the full attendance, the pastor held forth for over an hour. When service was over, he still had another treat for them. Producing an armful of candles he gave one to each soldier, saying he would lead a march through the crypt of the church and show them some interesting sights. But, bless my soul, he concluded. I thought I counted most carefully, but I find I have one candle too many. …
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From the Associated Press comes a story they’re telling in the Caribbean---and swearing it’s true: A transport lay in the harbor getting ready to sail with a detachment of troops ordered back to the good ol’ U.S.A. The soldiers stood about beside their barracks bags, awaiting their turn to go up the gangplank. Suddenly, from the group, one broke and ran, shouting at the top of his voice. “I’m not going aboard that boat, and you can’t make me!†Two burly M.P.’s gave chase. Quickly they overhauled him. A lusty session of rough-and-tumble ensued, at the end of which the fugitive, overpowered, was half carried aboard ship. The M.P.’s rubbed their…
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In the days just before Pearl Harbor our citizen soldiers weren’t always too highly regarded by the folks who lived near the southern camp when I was trying to learn to be a military man. One blistering summer day found my outfit slogging down a back-country road, sweltering under full field packs. A bend in the road disclosed a barefoot farm boy, holding the halter of an exceedingly poor mule. One of the company wits, always eager to bait a rustic, sang out: “Say, sonny, why are you holding your brother so tight?†Back flashed the reply, “To keep the darn fool from joining the army.†* * *
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