Sonny's Funnies
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A professor at the Virginia Tech was giving a lecture on 'Involuntary Muscular Contractions' to his first year medical students.* *Realizing this was not the most riveting subject, the professor decided to lighten the mood slightly* *He pointed to a young woman in the front row and said, 'Do you know what your ass hole is doing while you're having an orgasm?'* *She replied, 'Probably deer hunting with his buddies.'* *It took 45 minutes to restore order in the classroom.........*
Last reply by spec13fe, -
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We all need a good Laugh... Judas Asparagus If you need a laugh today, then this should do it! A child was asked to write a book report on the entire Bible. This is amazing and brought tears of laughter to my eyes. I wonder how often we take for granted that children understand what we are teaching??? Through the eyes of a child: The Children's Bible in a Nutshell In the beginning, which occurred near the start, there was nothing but God, darkness, and some gas. The Bible says, 'The Lord thy God is one, but I think He must be a lot older than that. Anyway, God said, 'Give m…
Last reply by uncleglenn, -
HER DIARY Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it. Conversation wasn't flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn't say much. I asked him what was wrong; He said, 'Nothing.' I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said he wasn't upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it. On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior …
Last reply by tinyclark, -
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There I was at six thousand feet over central Iraq, two hundred eighty knots and we're dropping faster than Paris Hilton's panties. It's a typical September evening in the Persian Gulf; hotter than a rectal thermometer and I'm sweating like a priest at a Cub Scout meeting. But that's neither here nor there. The night is moonless over Baghdad tonight, and blacker than a Steven King novel. But it's 2004, folks, and I'm sporting the latest in night-combat technology. Namely, hand-me-down night vision goggles (NVGs) thrown out by the fighter boys. Additionally, my 1962 Lockheed C-130E Hercules is equipped with an obsolete, yet, semi-effective missile warning system…
Last reply by TSgtRet, -
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[ATTACH]1748[/ATTACH] [ATTACH]1749[/ATTACH] [ATTACH]1752[/ATTACH]
Last reply by CharlieLifeSupport, -
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Preparing For A Career As A Military Pilot This was sent from an aspiring young man who wanted to become a pilot ... a fighter pilot; Sir: I am D. J. Baker and I would appreciate it if you could tell me what it takes to be an F-16 fighter pilot in the USAF. What classes should I take in high school to help the career I want to take later in life? What could I do to get into the Air Force Academy? Sincerely, DJ Baker ********************************************* From: Van Wickler, Kenneth, Lt Col, HQ AETC Anybody in our outfit want to help this poor kid from Cyberspace? LTC Wickler ********************************************** A worldly and j…
Last reply by CharlieLifeSupport, -
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1. The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.. He acquired his size from too much pi. 2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian 3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still. 4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption. 5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery. 6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering. 7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart. 8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie. 9. A hole…
Last reply by jetcal1, -
"Wow, this is a keeper!" OK, maybe not...
Last reply by Plaprad, -
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There's an old sea story about a ship's Captain who inspected his sailors, and afterward told the first mate that his men smelled bad. The Captain suggested perhaps it would help if the sailors would change underwear occasionally. The first mate responded, "Aye, aye sir, I'll see to it immediately!" The first mate went straight to the sailors berth deck and announced, "The Captain thinks you guys smell bad and wants you to change your underwear." He continued, " Leo you change with Jerry. Tony you change with Bert and Bob you change with Ed." THE MORAL OF THE STORY: Someone may come along and promise "Change", but don't count on thi…
Last reply by tinyclark, -
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POLK COUNTY FLORIDA SHERIFF GRADY JUDD An illegal alien in Polk County Florida who got pulled over in a routine traffic stop on September 28, 2009 ended up 'executing' the deputy who stopped him. The deputy was shot eight times, including once behind his right ear at close …
Last reply by bobdaley, -
I've been here in Georgia for 3 years now, but I'm not getting this. WTF?
Last reply by KF4DVG, -
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A man went to the hospital for a vasectomy. Before the procedure was to take place, a nurse came in to check his vitals. Then she asked him to take his clothes off. When he had undressed, she instructed him to lie down on the table. Then the nurse took off her clothes, climbed on top of him and had her way with him. Afterwards, the startled man tried to catch his breath and then he asked her what that was all about. She explained that studies have shown that, before a vasectomy, if the man ejaculates, he will be more relaxed and procedure becomes easier for the surgeon. Then the nurse wheeled the man over to the operating room. While they were tr…
Last reply by uncleglenn, -
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A young couple joined a new church and the pastor told them, "We require all new member couples to abstain from sex for one whole month." The couple agreed, but after two weeks returned to see the pastor. The wife was crying and the husband was obviously depressed. 'You are back so soon, is there a problem?' inquired the pastor. 'We did not manage to abstain from sex for the required month,' the young man replied sadly. "The first week we managed to abstain through sheer will power. The second week was terrible and as we began the third week we were powerless." The pastor asked what happened. The young man replied, "My wife reached for a can of p…
Last reply by SEFEGeorge, -
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My buddy in A$$krakistan sent me this, figured it might get a chuckle or two in the 130 world. THE ANT AND THE GRASSHOPPER This one is a little different...... Two Different Versions.... .............. Two Different Morals _____ OLD VERSION The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.. Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed. The grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold. MORAL OF THE STORY: Be responsible for yourself! …
Last reply by Plaprad, -
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Two women were sitting quietly together, minding their own business.
Last reply by Plaprad, -
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Have ya ever noticed: If a conservative doesn't like guns, he doesn't buy one. If a liberal doesn't like guns, then no one should have one. If a conservative is a vegetarian, he doesn't eat meat. If a liberal is, he wants to ban all meat products for everyone. If a conservative sees a foreign threat, he thinks about how to defeat his enemy. A liberal wonders how to surrender gracefully and still look good. If a conservative is homosexual, he quietly enjoys his life. If a liberal is homosexual, he loudly demands legislated respect. If a black man or Hispanic is conservative, they see themselves as independently successful. Their liberal counte…
Last reply by tinyclark, -
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John was a salesman's delight when it came to any kind of unusual gimmicks. His wife Marsha had long ago given up trying to get him to change. One day John came home with another one of his unusual purchases. It was a robot that John claimed was actually a lie detector. It was about 5:30 that afternoon when Tommy, their 11 year old son, returned home from school. Tommy was over 2 hours late. "Where have you been? Why are you over 2 hours late getting home?" asked John. "Several of us went to the library to work on an extra credit project," said Tommy. The robot walked around the table and slapped Tommy, knocking him completely out of his chair. "Son," sa…
Last reply by C130Hcc, -
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I have a tape recording of some songs done by someone in the 7th SOS I acquired while stationed at Hurlburt Field back in the early 80's and am trying to get the history on songs. If anyone is familiar you can reach my email at [email protected].
Last reply by mongo, -
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The indecation your dealling with an AF crew chief. Owen
Last reply by larry myers, -
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For those that don't know about the history of political parties... Here is a condensed version: Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter. The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups: 1. Liberals 2. Conservatives. Once beer was discovered, it required…
Last reply by SergF, -
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The Love Story of Ralph And Edna Ralph and Edna were good friends, and also patients in a mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled him out. When the Head Nurse Director became aware of Edna's heroic act she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable. When she went to tell Edna the news she said, 'Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged, since you were able …
Last reply by tusker, -
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by trev130eng- 1 reply
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Give me power and give me the ability to fly and i don't give a s'''it about the rest. YAF pilot.
Last reply by tinyclark, -
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Interesting History They used to use urine to tan animal skins, so families used to all pee in a pot & then once a day it was taken & Sold to the tannery.......if you had to do this to survive you were "Piss Poor" But worse than that were the really poor folk who couldn't even afford to buy a pot......they "didn't have a pot to piss in" & were the lowest of the low The next time you are washing your hands and complain because the water temperature isn't just how you like it, think about how things used to be. Here are some facts about the 1500s: Most people got married in June because they took their yearly bath in May, and …
Last reply by uncleglenn, -
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A guy traveling through Mexico on vacation lost his wallet and all of his identification. Cutting his trip short, he attempted to make his way home but was stopped by the U.S. Customs Agent at the border. "May I see your identification, please?" asked the agent. "I'm sorry, but I lost my wallet," replied the guy.. "Sure buddy, I hear that every day. No ID, no entry," said the agent. "But I can prove I'm an American!" he exclaimed. "I have a picture of Ronald Reagan tattooed on one side of my butt and George Bush on the other." "This I gotta see," replied the agent. With that, the guy dropped his pants and showed the agent his behind. "By golly, you're ri…
Last reply by SEFEGeorge, -
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If a herk catches fire on the flight line and there are planes on both sides of it, why do you tow the planes on each side instead of the plane on fire? Answer, The man riding breaks might be overcome by smoke.
Last reply by fenmonster,