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Jeffysan

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Everything posted by Jeffysan

  1. Jeffysan

    First Date

    Ten Simple Rules for Dating My Daughter Some thoughtful information for those who are daughters, were daughters, have daughters, intend to have daughters, or intend to date a daughter. Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up. Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them. Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist. Rule Four: I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate: when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you. Rule Five: In order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early." Rule Six: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry. Rule Seven: As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like change the oil in my car? Rule Eight: The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool; Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight; Places where there is darkness; Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness; Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided. Movies that feature chainsaws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better. Rule Nine: Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a pot-bellied, balding, middle-aged, dim-witted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me. Rule Ten: Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy outside of Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight, speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car. There is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.
  2. 15. A small boy got separated from his grandpa at the mall. A mall security officer found the young lad & asked him about his lost grandfather, "What's his name?" "Grandpa", came a tearful reply. "What's he like?" inquired the mall cop. "Big tits & Coors Lite".
  3. Yep!! That took care of it. Thanks millions!!
  4. Am normally a Chrome user. Starting several days ago, these guys hijacked the c-130hercules.net site when viewed using Chrome. Obviously OK using Explorer. Can anyone explain/help me with this? © 1999-2011, Parallels All rights reserved Web Server's Default Page This page is generated by Parallels Plesk Panel, the leading hosting automation software. You see this page because there is no Web site at this address. You can do the following: Create domains and set up Web hosting using Parallels Plesk Panel.
  5. Jeffysan

    Dear Dad

    No mon, no fun. Your son. Too bad, so sad. Your dad.
  6. I get irritated when people come down on our police officers, saying that they don't care about or respect others. Well, here is a story that clearly shows not all cops are in that category. This story involves the police department in the small hill country town of Fredericksburg, TX who reported finding a man's body last Saturday in the early evening in the Pedernales River near the state highway-87 bridge. The dead man's name would not be released until his family had been notified. The victim apparently drowned due to excessive beer consumption while visiting "someone" in Kerrville . He was wearing black fishnet stockings, 4 inch spiked heels, a red garter belt, a pink G-string, purple lipstick, dazzle dust on his eyelids, 1/2 inch false eyelashes, and an Obama T-shirt. The police removed the Obama T-shirt to spare his family any unnecessary embarrassment. See there, Texas police do care.
  7. Jeffysan

    TC-130H

    As I recall, it wasn't any worse than a gunship. We (Det 4) did the first flight aero certs on it back in the day. As I remember, the pilot said you really couldn't feel it up there.
  8. Jeffysan

    Pain

    Another one: Enlisted guys get the clap. Officers get non-specific urethritis.
  9. 1. Never pee on the electric fence. 2. Never fry bacon while naked.
  10. CNN.com is reporting the crash of an Afghan L-100. Anybody have details?
  11. Or, you may wish to try Asian Imports. I bought my airplane from them. Good job. http://www.asianimportsinc.com/
  12. Thing is, the 'J' ain't your daddy's Herk. It's all glass, automated & totally different than any version before it. The 'H' & 'J' share the same beer can, but that's about the end of the similarities. Suggest you contact someone who's qualified in the 'J' to get the ungarbled word from them. Then, talk to some Talon & Shadow guys & discuss the comparison between the SOF mission & tac airlift. Once you've done that I think you'll have a far better idea of what you're up against with your MC-130J assignment.
  13. "I was expecting to attend a shortened version of J model training and then start a mission oriented training on the MC-130J. But, it looks like they've set me up to attend the entire J model course to include the airdrop and airland portions. It makes no sense to me and makes me wonder if they are making us go through the entire training because they aren't sure what else to do with us until the new airplanes show up." That's my point - as well as Skip's - shortened training vs. full up initial qualification course on the acft, then mission qualification(s) course. There should no short cuts to qualification in this business. The mission is far too complex & varied. It's a "been there, done that" kind of thing.
  14. Yep, fully aware - painfully so as you may recall. Purposely steered clear of that argument in my remarks as I think those are rocks the current folks should throw - not we who have already had our day in the sun. I mean, other than the fact that we still care a great deal about the program & mission, we really don't have a dog in that fight anymore.
  15. White jet tour?? How could you evaluate the MC-130J (a SOF acft) if you don't fully understand the SOF mission - all manner of air drops, helo A/R, infil/exfil, et al?
  16. Easy to get lost with special mission EC- acft. EC-130E ABCCC Airborne Cmd Post Keelser/DM EC-130E (RR) Rivet Rider Psy Ops PaANG Harrisburg EC-130E (RH) Rivet Hunter Psy OPs PaANG Harrisburg EC-130E WWCTV "Disaster Response" PaANG Harrisburg EC-130H Rivet Fire Elec Jamming DM EC-130V Project Delphi Drug Interdiction USCG No longer in service
  17. Rivet Rider / Rivet Hunter - different configs.
  18. Sort of. It was the acft used for QK after it was removed from the HTTB. Initial tests were flown on the HTTB by LM Aero's Flying Ops personnel, but that got too expensive. The Big Safari office decided follow-on testing could/should be done by the Det (with lots of help from the Talon community) on 0500. Hate to see her go. Did lots of interesting things with that bird.
  19. 1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will support a 10 pound possum. 2. Which of these cars will rust out the quickest when placed on blocks in your front yard? (A) '65 Ford Fairlane ( '69 Chevrolet Chevelle, or © '64 Pontiac GTO. 3. If your uncle builds a still, which operates at a capacity of 20 gallons of shine produced per hour, how many car radiators are required to condense the product? 4. A woodcutter has a chainsaw, which operates at 2700 RPM. The density of the pine trees in the plot to be harvested is 470 per acre. The plot is 2.3 acres in size. The average tree diameter is 14 inches. How many Budweisers will be drunk before the trees are cut down? 5. If every old refrigerator in the state vented a charge of R-12 simultaneously, what would be the percentage decrease in the ozone layer? 6. A front porch is constructed of 2x8 pine on 24-inch centers with a field rock foundation. The span is 8 feet and the porch length is 16 feet. The porch floor is 1-inch rough sawn pine. When the porch collapses, how many hound dogs will be killed? 7. A man owns a Tennessee house and 3.7 acres of land in a hollow with an average slope of 15%. The man has five children. Can each of his grown children place a mobile home on the man's land and still have enough property for their electric appliances to sit out front? 8. A 2-ton truck is overloaded and proceeding 900 yards down a steep slope on a secondary road at 45 MPH. The brakes fail. Given average traffic conditions on secondary roads, what is the probability that it will strike a vehicle with a muffler? 9. A coal mine operates a NFPA Class 1, Division 2 Hazardous Area. The mine employs 120 miners per shift. A gas warning is issued at the beginning of the 3rd shift. How many cartons of unfiltered Camels will be smoked during this shift? 10. At a reduction in the gene pool variability rate of 7.5% per generation, how long will it take a town which has been bypassed by the interstate highway to breed a country and western singer? As an added bonus for taking the "REDNECK CHALLENGE" here's some Southernly advice that may come in handy down the road a piece... Next time you are too drunk to drive, walk to the nearest pizza shop and place an order. When they go to deliver it, catch a ride home with 'em.
  20. A Guide For Yankees In The South Like Hemorrhoids, They Come Down, Won't Go Back Up, & Are A Pain In The Ass 1. Don't order filet mignon or pasta primavera at Waffle House. It's just a diner. They serve breakfast 24 hours a day. Let them cook something they know. If you confuse them, they'll kick your ass. 2. Don't laugh at our Southern names (Merleen, Bodie, Ovine, Luther Ray, Brenda Sue, Tammy Lynn, Darla Beth, Inez, Billy Joe, Sissy, Bobby Lee, Clovis, etc.) or we will just have to kick your ass. 3. Don't order a bottle of pop or a can of soda. Down here it's called Coke. Nobody gives a damn whether it's Pepsi, RC, Dr. Pepper, 7-Up or whatever - it's still a Coke. Accept it. Doing otherwise can lead to an ass kicking. 4. We know our heritage. Most of us are more literate than you (e.g. Welty, Williams, Faulkner). We are also better educated and generally a lot nicer. Don't refer to us as a bunch of hillbillies, or we'll kick your ass. 5. We have plenty of business sense (e.g. Fred Smith of FedEx, Turner Broadcasting, MCI Worldcom, MTV, Netscape). Naturally we do sometimes have small lapses in judgment (e.g. Carter, Edwards, Duke, Barnes, Clinton). We don't care if you think we are dumb. We are not dumb enough to let someone move to our state in order to run for the Senate. If someone tried to do that, we would kick their ass. 6. Don't laugh at our Civil War monuments. If Lee had listened to Longstreet and flanked Meade at Gettysburg instead of sending Pickett up the middle, you'd be paying taxes to Richmond instead of Washington. If you visit Stone Mountain and complain about the carving, we'll kick your ass. 7. We are fully aware of how high the humidity is so shut the hell up. Just spend your money and get the hell out of here or we'll kick your ass. 8. Don't order wheat toast at Cracker Barrel. Everyone will instantly know that you're a Yankee. Eat your biscuits like God intended - with gravy. And don't put sugar on your grits, or we'll kick your ass. 9. Don't fake a Southern accent. This will incite a riot, and you will get your ass kicked. 10. Don't talk about how much better things are at home because we know better. Many of us have visited northern cesspools like Detroit, Chicago and DC, and we have the scars to prove it. If you don't like it here, Delta is ready when you are. Move your ass on home before it gets kicked. 11. Yes, we know how to speak proper English. We talk this way because we don't want to sound like you. We don't care if you don't understand what we are saying. All other Southerners understand what we're saying, and that's all that matters. Now, go away and leave us alone, or we'll kick your ass. 12. Don't complain that the South is dirty and polluted. None of our rivers have caught fire recently. If you whine about our scenic beauty, we'll kick your ass all the way back to Boston Harbor. 13. Don't ridicule our Southern manners. We say sir and ma'am. We hold doors open for others. We offer our seats to old folks because such things are expected of civilized people. Behave yourselves around our sweet little gray-haired grandmothers or they'll kick some manners into your ass just like they did ours. 14. So you think we're quaint or losers because most of us live in the countryside? That's because we have enough sense to not live in filthy, smelly, crime-infested cesspools like New York or Baltimore. Make fun of our fresh air, and we'll kick your ass. 15. Last, but not least, do not dare to come down here and tell us how to barbecue. This will get your ass shot (right after it is kicked). You're lucky we let you come down here at all. Criticize our barbecue, and you will go home in a pine box - minus your ass.
  21. The same (only) four tails when I was there 77-80.
  22. I know they - Rockwell - did at least one Shadow @ PMD in the early 90s & thought more were done. Up 'til then LAS-Ontario had done all the C-130 UARRSI mods; Gunships, Talon 1, ABCCC, Compass Call, Rivet Rider, et al.
  23. Sent you requested info via PM. Please let me know if you didn't get it. Regards, Jeffysan
  24. Jeffysan

    Oh Happy Day

    According to tradition there are no ex-Marines, only former Marines - once a Marine, always a Marine. However, the Marines should designate John Murtha as the first ever EX-Marine.
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