Sonny's Funnies
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Words Women Use: FINE This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need to shut up . Never use "fine" to describe how a woman looks - this will cause you to have one of those arguments. FIVE MINUTES This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it's an even trade. NOTHING This means "something", and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. 'Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end…
Last reply by Fräulein, -
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- 2 replies
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Subject: The Alaskan Barbie Collection - Just in Time for Christmas Giving! Juneau Barbie: Juneau Barbie has a good job working for the State. She gets to travel to Anchorage frequently, where she buys her clothes at Eddie Bauer and Nordstrom. She keeps herself in tip top shape, and participates in the Kluane bike race, as well as the Skagway to Whitehorse Klondike run. She and her girlfriends love to drink, dance, and sing together, re-living their athletic accomplishments. Juneau Barbie has a lot of help around the house because Juneau Ken lost his politically appointed position during the last change of administration. Juneau Ken works part time as a "co…
Last reply by ElijahChavez, -
- 5 replies
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Air Force Christmas Party TO: ALL SQUADRON MEMBERS I'm happy to inform you that the Squadron Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd at Luigi's Open Pit Barbecue. There will be lots of spiked eggnog and a small band playing traditional carols...feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our Commander shows up dressed as Santa Claus to light the Christmas tree! Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10. Merry Christmas to you and your family. Patty Lewis, Captain, USAF Executive Officer December 2nd TO: ALL SQUADRON MEMBERS In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish mem…
Last reply by larry myers, -
Every Saturday morning Grandpa Walt found himself babysitting his three grandchildren...all boys. The kids always wanted to play ''war,'' and Grandpa somehow always got coaxed into the game. His daughter came to pick up the kids early one Saturday and witnessed Grandpa take a fake shot as Jason pointed a toy gun and yelled, "Bang!'' Grandpa slumped to the floor and stayed there motionless. The daughter rushed over to see if he was all right. Grandpa opened one eye and whispered, ''Sh-h-h, I always do this. It's the only chance I get to rest.''
Last reply by Sonny, -
C-130 Memes
by casey- 0 replies
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I ran across these on the net and thought I would share. You can create your own here: https://imgflip.com/memegenerator
Last reply by casey, -
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Subject: ORIGIN OF THE WORD "AVIATOR" This explains it all. Aviators come from a long line of a secret society, formed around one thousand years ago. They are warriors, and here is the proof! Ground pounders can read it and weep! A little known fact is the origin of the word, "Aviator." In the immortal words of Johnny Carson: "I did not know that." Phu Khen (pronounced Foo Ken) 1169-? is considered by some to be the most under-recognized military officer in history. Many have never heard of his contributions to modern military warfare. The mission of this secret society is to bring honor to the name of Phu Khen. A 'Khen' was a subordinate t…
Last reply by Mt.crewchief, -
An elderly couple is beginning to notice that neither of them seem to be able to remember things as well as they used to. So, they go to see their doctor, who explains that there is nothing really wrong with, just typical memory loss associated with old age. He suggests that they each get notebooks and write notes to themselves to help remember things. The couple goes home and that evening while watching T.V. the man gets up and heads for the kitchen. His wife asks if he can bring her some ice cream when he returns. He says he will, and she says he should write it down. "I’m just going to the kitchen, I'll remember." "Well, I want that with nuts, too." "O.K. he s…
Last reply by Sonny, -
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Drunk: “Believe it or not, shtreet car, I’m waiting for an offisher. I mean, believe it or offisher not, I’m street carrying for a wait— that ish—shay, what am I doing anyhow?†Officer: “Believe it or not, you’re patrolling for the wait wagon. I mean, you’re waggoning for the wait patrol—get the idea, pal?†Drunk: “Shure. You’re intohshicated?†* * * *
Last reply by snowyday, -
- 12 replies
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New Brew Pub for Seniors
Last reply by gizzard, -
- 10 replies
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A Guide For Yankees In The South Like Hemorrhoids, They Come Down, Won't Go Back Up, & Are A Pain In The Ass 1. Don't order filet mignon or pasta primavera at Waffle House. It's just a diner. They serve breakfast 24 hours a day. Let them cook something they know. If you confuse them, they'll kick your ass. 2. Don't laugh at our Southern names (Merleen, Bodie, Ovine, Luther Ray, Brenda Sue, Tammy Lynn, Darla Beth, Inez, Billy Joe, Sissy, Bobby Lee, Clovis, etc.) or we will just have to kick your ass. 3. Don't order a bottle of pop or a can of soda. Down here it's called Coke. Nobody gives a damn whether it's Pepsi, RC, Dr. Pepper, 7-Up or whatever - it's s…
Last reply by Fräulein, -
- 15 replies
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I ask you, does this look like some good fired Chicken or what:rolleyes:
Last reply by Dan Wilson, -
- 10 replies
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[ATTACH]1748[/ATTACH] [ATTACH]1749[/ATTACH] [ATTACH]1752[/ATTACH]
Last reply by CharlieLifeSupport, -
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A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter ‘What are you doing?’ ! She asked. ‘Hunting Flies’ He responded. ‘Oh. ! Killing any?’ She asked. ‘Yep, 3 males, 2 Females,’ he replied. Intrigued, she asked. ‘How can you tell them apart?’ ! He responded, ’3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone
Last reply by Sonny, -
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On a busy day a woman walked into the office of the court room in Atlanta, Georgia and addressing Judge Blank, said: “Are you the reprobate judge?†“I am the probate judge.†“That is what I was saying,†she said, “and I have come to you because I am in trouble. My husband was studying to be a minister at a college seminary, and he died detested and left three little infields, and I have come to be appointed their executioner.†* * * * snowyday
Last reply by snowyday, -
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This is so funny-- Click here: Understanding Southern - Bill Cosby
Last reply by Dan Wilson, -
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Cat and Dog Diary
Last reply by Sonny, -
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Mission: Go to GAP, Buy a Pair of Jeans
Last reply by Sparks, -
Why isn’t the number 11 pronounced onety-one? If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea…does that mean that one out of five enjoys it? Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren’t they just stale bread to begin with? If people from Poland are called Poles, then why aren’t people from Holland called Holes? If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled? Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a racecar is not called a racist? If it’s true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for? If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, then doesn’t it follow that ele…
Last reply by Sonny, -
- 10 replies
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Hazardous Materials Data Sheet
Last reply by gizzard, -
- 0 replies
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LAWS FOR ENGINEERS Engineering is a science that runs on the laws of physics. We have all studied these laws in our formal education. There are other laws that are equally powerful, however. These are found through experience in the classroom of applied technology. Here is a summary of the laws of physics for your entertainment. The authors are unknown (or perhaps wish to remain unknown). We thank them for their insight into real-world broadcasting. GRUNDMAN'S LAW -- Under the most carefully controlled conditions of pressure, temperature, humidity and other variables, the system will perform as it damn well pleases. KNIGHT'S LAW -- A pat on the back is only a fe…
Last reply by Sonny, -
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Airmen, despite their cynicism, can be really, really funny. http://undertheradar.military.com/2015/11/the-complete-haters-guide-to-the-us-air-force/
Last reply by Robert Podboy, -
There is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that is "UP." It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP? At a meeting, why does a topic come UP? Why do we speak UP and why are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report? We call UP our friends. And we use it to brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver, we warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car. At other times the little word has real special meaning. People stir UP trouble, line UP …
Last reply by Sparks, -
I don't ever remember my dad buying us lunch here, or really anywhere else, on our long cross country PCS trips. My mom would always make sandwiches for us, after a stop at the grocery store. ..
Last reply by davis, -
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STUDENT WHO OBTAINED 0% ON AN EXAM Q1. In which battle did Napoleon die? A. his last battle Q2. Where was the Declaration of Independence signed? A. at the bottom of the page Q3. River Ravi flows in which state? A. liquid Q4. What is the main reason for divorce? A. marriage Q5. What is the main reason for failure? A. exams Q6. What can you never eat for breakfast? A. Lunch & dinner Q7. What looks like half an apple? A. The other half Q8. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become? A. It will simply become wet Q9. How can a man go eight days without sleeping ? A. No problem, he sleeps at night. Q10. How can y…
Last reply by donwon, -
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A guy is stranded on an island with only a Doberman and a pig for company. There's plenty of food and water, and the weather is beautiful, so he's doing alright - but after a few months he gets lonely... The pig starts to look more and more attractive - soft, pink flesh, round buttocks, etc. But every time this poor guy makes an advance towards the pig, the Doberman snarls at him and once almost bit his leg. Very frustrating. One day the guy sees a speck on the horizon, so he swims out there and it turns out to be a dinghy, cast adrift, and in the bottom of the boat is a beautiful woman, unconscious. He drags her to shore and brings her into his hut and slowly nurse…
Last reply by Sonny,
